


Things Whispered In The Dark

by stephensmat



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Emotional, F/M, Game Spoilers, Gen, Healing, Love Can Heal, Love Triangles, Mentions of self-harm (Very slight), Paragon Commander Shepard, Past Abuse (Not shown), Psychotic Biotic, Rated Hard T For Themes, Set During Series, Vulnerable Jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2018-12-20 03:13:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 70,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11912031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephensmat/pseuds/stephensmat
Summary: She was very much like a wild animal. He had to let her come to him. But when there was nobody else around, Jack would turn the lights off, and they would say all the things that would change their lives.Hard T, for heavy topics, but nothing explicit. Paragon Male Shepard/Jack fic. Jack had the most potential in the game. Now includes ME3, so Spoiler alert.





	1. Saving Her

**Things Whispered In The Dark.**

Jack had chosen the lowest part of the ship as her quarters. It was dark, and filthy and smelly. She seemed right at home. Shepard went to see her first. She looked even more severe when sitting still than she did when in combat. The first conversation went badly. Or to be more precise, didn't go at all. Whatever he said to her, she just stared back at him, staying in the shadows, her eyes the only thing visible.

The days passed, and she did not emerge. The others quietly asked him to leave her to herself, none of them wanting to be teamed up with her.

"Shepard," Tali had asked him once. "Why did you bring her on board? I know from experience that you don't play favorites with your crew... but you can't tell me that you want her at your back... for my own view, she's unstable."

Shepard took a moment before responding to that. "Tali, you told me once that you worried about people not seeing you. You said that with that helmet on, nobody could see your face, and you were worried that you hid too much of yourself behind it."

"It can be intimidating to some people, trying to have a conversation with a blank mask." Tali conceded, waiting for the point.

"What's more intimidating? A blank mask, or a shaved head, body covered in tattoos and scars, severe speech, violence..."

"You think it's just a front?"

"I think that you don't make yourself look like that because you want to be approachable." Shepard conceded.

Joker sat back in his chair. "No! Nonono, sir, you're going to try and rescue her aren't you?"

"What?"

"No, really; you are! You're going to try and fix her, and make her all better again."

"Joker!"

"You're a compulsive Galahad sir. You can't resist people in trouble."

"He's got a point." Tali put in.

"She's got a lot of baggage in her history." Shepard put a stop to it. "She's put up a lot of walls."

Joker took this in. "Well, there are usually walls around things for good reasons." He said slowly. "There are walls around reactors, walls around garbage dumps..."

"Okay, Joker."

"Around bottomless pits, around disease wards..."

"I get it, Joker."

"Around lunatic asylums, missile silos, Geth nests, sewerage plants, gator farms..."

"I GET IT, JOKER!"

* * *

The next five or six encounters went more or less the same. She would step back into the dark when he approached, and watch with her back to the wall. He would bring her food. Always something from the Captain's mess, and not the mess hall. She would tell him shortly that she wasn't hungry, and he would leave it, in case she wanted it later.

After the third time, she slunk out and actually took it from him. "Well." She said finally. "The food's better here at least."

Taking that as a victory, Shepard smiled, told her that he hoped she liked it, and slipped out.

* * *

Things thawed a little after that. She would never give him more than three or four words per answer, but Shepard kept coming. Once, she actually thanked him for bringing the food down to her.

She joined him on missions. He summoned her for combat missions, when overwhelming force was going to be a fact of their work. She did it gleefully.

Curious to see her reactions, Shepard took her along on smaller missions. Information dealing, people they met along the way that needed help.

Jack seemed completely lost when people thanked them emotionally for their help. Once, a little girl actually tried to give Jack a flower as a thank you for helping her father with some gambling debts. Shepard was amazed to see Jack… lost. She took the flower automatically, and stared at it in her hand like waiting for it to explode. If she wasn't taking it so seriously, he would have laughed.

"So." She said to him that night, when he brought her food. "Is that what it's like? Being the big hero? Savior of the Citadel? People waving and smiling all the time?"

"No. Not all the time." Shepard said honestly. "Most of the time, it makes you a target. Or worse, a story."

"What do you mean?"

"Suddenly reporters ask, politicians ask… they all want to know what I think about things; see if they can get any mileage out of me. And that's not even counting the thirty thousand odd bad guys who want to be the one who took me down."

Jack actually uncoiled from the dark corner enough to come forward, her dark lips curving upward sardonically. "It's so much better being bad."

"Oh, being the hero has its perks." Shepard promised. "What did you think of it?"

Jack reacted like he'd slapped her. "What?"

"That little girl would have been an orphan if the loan shark had found her family. We saved them without a shot being fired. To that kid, you're a superhero. How did it feel?"

Jack's eyes flashed. "Look Shepard, I get what you're trying to do, but it won't work. I've already been conditioned once, and I'm not doing that again. Warm fuzzies come from sinking a blade in, not from flowers and smiling kids. Got that? I'm not staying on with you forever. You've got a mission, I'll play it out, and then I'm leaving."

"Where will you go?" Shepard asked her, genuinely wondering.

"There's a place, a facility on Pragia, in the Dakka system. According to your files…"

"It's where they did this to you."

Jack reacted. "You KNEW?"

"Jack, it's my ship. Your price was the files. Of course I wanted to know what you were looking for."

"Well, I have unfinished business there. The bad kind. Once I'm done with you, I'll be headed there. Nothing you can say will make me change my mind."

"Oh, I bet I could think of something."

"You can go f-"

"Captain." Joker's voice called over the PA. "We're approaching the Dakka system. Orders?"

The look on Jack's face was priceless. She was actually speechless.

Shepard keyed his radio. "Set course for the planet Pragia. Find anything that might be a facility, and warm up the landing craft. We're going hunting." He sent Jack a look. "I assume you want to come?"

* * *

The change in her was really incredible. She could go from violent to stone wall in the blink of an eye. Any time they faced opposition, she was merciless. Any time they faced something she knew, she was unreadable.

Shepard went along with her for the simple reason that something was going wrong, the deeper they got into the facility…

When the first band of attackers tried to prevent their entry, she was through them like an angry wind.

Shepard didn't even have time to fire a shot, and instead he turned on his omni-tool and briefed Miranda. "Miranda! There are armed people here! The rooms are being refurbished. There's active  _equipment_! You said there wouldn't be…"

"There shouldn't be!" Miranda insisted from the ship. "The place has been shut down for years. The second we found out what they were doing here!"

Jack snorted, and took off into the hallways at a run.

Shepard gave chase. "One hour, Miranda. If you don't hear from us, you come and rescue us!"

"So if Subject Zero kills you and then lies in wait for me…?"

Shepard smirked tightly. "Like I said, if you don't hear from us, you sent Thane down here to come rescue us."

The place was incredibly depressing, dark and filthy. Time had not been kind to it, but the true horrors of the place were ancient. You could feel the despair in the walls.

Jack was breathing faster like she'd been running a marathon. Every time she turned a corner she flinched again.

"You want to head back?"

Jack grinned, suddenly the picture of a perfect death-dealer. "Shepard, this place is going to be atoms soon. This is me finishing a job."

And then they opened a door, and her smile froze.

"What is this?" Shepard asked.

Jack swallowed. "This is my room."

Shepard looked around. Cracked one way mirror, bloody marks on the walls, small thin cot, and bare table in the corner.

Jack stretched her arms out as far as she could, and touched opposite walls of the room at once. Her old room was smaller than her reach. "I remember this room being a lot bigger." She commented absently. Her voice had a spellbound absence in it. She actually smiled at a few things. "Nostalgia. Never thought I'd be nostalgic. Especially not for this." She turned to the window. "Those bastards thought I couldn't see them, but when I smashed the lights out, I could see them with their lamps on." She snorted. "I thought the other side of that window was the only other part of the world. I can't believe the glass is broken."

"Is there… anything you want to take with you?" Shepard asked quietly.

Jack turned to the table. "This table is the only thing I might... No. I don't need it any more." She rubbed the back of her neck. "I remember the area. Sort of. They made me fight other biotic kids… I only remember it partly. They had me dosed up on so many drugs back then. I got the good drugs when I killed something. Made me feel… wonderful."

"Conditioning you." Shepard commented thickly. "Do you… still feel that way?"

Jack looked at him. "Yes. Sort of. I… I've run with drug runners since then. I've tried most everything you can try. There's nothing… real about it. You know how little patience I have for bul-"

There was a sound. They both spun smoothly, weapons coming up.

And then they saw him, and it was all Jack and the mystery man. They both glared electrically at each other. The weapons in their hands were unimportant, unnecessary. They had the same look in their eyes. Fury, power, hatred, steel.

The man saw her and went completely out of his head. "Zero. I remember you. I remember watching you fight. I remember the way they carved us up to find parts for you. I suppose its right that you are here when this place is reborn. You were the reason for all the death."

"You're the one that brought people back here." Jack growled.

"Something had to come for it. All those children, Jack. All of them dead over a drop of your blood. Something has to be good for any of it to mean a damn." He was babbling, almost manic; from his own madness or from seeing her again, Shepard couldn't say. "I'm Aresh. Did you ever hear my name? No? Of course not. They wouldn't concern you with who you killed and who lived." He swallowed opening and closing his hands around the gun so fast that Shepard almost shot him straight away. "We ran to you that day. When we fought back. We ran to you, wanted you to save us. We knew they were forcing you, knew how strong you were. We were kids, looking for a hero, and we picked you. And you killed them all!"

Blue fire raced across his skin, and something flashed across at Jack.

A much brighter blast caressed Jack's body, head to toe, and she practically flew to the ceiling, glancing off it like a springboard, as she came down at him, an unstoppable wave as she shrieked like a crazed hawk seeking prey.

The glass window shattered behind them as they flew into the much larger room on the other side.

Shepard came up, weapons drawn, but paused. Jack was entranced. A zealot facing her god. She was locked in combat and her body and spirit sang with it. Shepard was almost scared. Not of her. But  _for_  her.

Then he caught movement out of the corner of his eye, and spun with his gun, shooting back as a pack of Krogan warriors came charging in.

The Krogan were trying to find their way around cover to get within reach as Shepard held them back. Grenades forced their assault further down the corridor, but it was clear that the true fight was happening behind them.

Biotic attacks flashed around the room, smashing against each other with a sound like two chainsaws tearing each other apart. Teeth bared, eyes fierce, the two warriors ravaged each other,

Aresh collapsed under her assault, the force of the power making him bleed from the eyes, the damage from the punishment he was taking shredding his brain and body.

Jack brought him down and put a knee on his throat. Her fingers dug into his scalp as she threw her head back, relishing the moment. She exulted in victory like an orgasmic wave. A junkie getting a hit. A lioness with her kill.

The Krogan were dispatched, but forcing them back had taken Shepard halfway down the hall, and he spun to race back, just in time to see Jack smoothly draw her gun and put it to Aresh's temple. Somehow he was still alive, clawing pathetically against her knee at his throat.

"Don't do it!" Shepard warned. "There's no need."

Jack was smiling, pressing the gun in enough to break the skin.

"Jack. Look at me!" Shepard barked.

She did so, the gun not wavering.

"He's not going to succeed; this place will be vapor soon, with or without him."

Jack's eyes were still pure iron. The gun still didn't waver.

"Jack." Shepard pushed. "Did you like it when that little girl gave you flowers?"

Silence.

Jack shoved the man back down again, and turned away from him, gun holstered. Not one wasted movement, not one glance back. "Let's go."

* * *

Jack was notably quiet when she and Shepard returned to the ship. She handed Miranda the detonator, already used, and gave Shepard a single nod as she walked away.

Shepard went to the bridge, already directing them to the next mission, and recording his reports.

That night Miranda made her own report. Cerberus liked having backups, extra sources…

"The Teltin Facility has been completely destroyed sir. Our original scans have been updated, and by now I'm sure you've been given Commander Shepard's report?"

"How was this facility restarted without us knowing about it?"

"Aresh apparently had the support of a Krogan, identity unknown, and a mercenary group, identity unknown. Aresh intended to restart the project independently." Miranda braced herself. "There was no intelligence, because there are no resources going into the area, no communications…"

"Independent operation was the reason that facility went so far off the rails in the first place."

"Yessir. An opinion that does not carry much weight, given the clandestine nature of everything Cerberus does." Miranda agreed. "Aresh was insane sir. His grasp was further than he could reach. He did it alone."

"Then how was there a pitched battle? One demented biotic should have presented no problems."

"There were no problems. Reinforcements barely slowed our team down. Subject Zero knew the layout of the facility already."

"Subject Zero was present?" Her illusive master queried.

"Yes sir." Miranda knew what he was thinking. "But… Aresh lived through the encounter. He was killed when the base was destroyed."

"He had that kind of power?" There was surprise in his voice. "I thought that Subject Zero was miles above any other biotic."

"He was never attacked. Subject Zero spared him."

"Odd. That doesn't seem to belong in her personality profile."

"Due respect, sir; there is a new complexity to the entire crew's personality jackets. One that brings out… unpredictable patterns to their behavior."

"That being?"

"Shepard."

* * *

Shepard stepped into 'The Pit', and she looked up at him from her cot. "What?"

"Well, I figured you might want to talk."

"Why the f-"

"It was pretty confronting down there. You're seven of the toughest people I know Jack, but you weren't the last time you were there. I know from experience, you can never go home again. You do, and time sorta vanishes."

She was staring at him. "Shepard, I don't know if you're crazy, stupid, suicidal, or some merge of all three, but ask anyone on board. You don't poke me with a stick."

"I don't have a stick. I just figured... You wouldn't go and talk to anybody on your own, so I'm offering. Think of it like you're doing me a favor."

"And since when do I do you favors?"

She was fairly radiating tension. He stepped closer before she could react and took her in a warm gentle hug.

Jack turned to stone, like she was enduring a torture chamber. "What the hell..." She croaked out, and then started twisting in his grip, swearing vile words in four different languages. "WHAT ARE YOU  **DOING**?"

"If you'll hold still for a second, I'm trying to give you a hug."

The way she reacted, Shepard was convinced she'd considered it a fate worse than death. "WHY?"

"Because you need a hug more than anyone I've ever met. The Geth are less tense than you." He said gently, trying to keep it light. "Come on, Jack; unclench, and relax a bit..."

She screamed obscenities at him till they blended into each other. He rode it out. She finally ran out of breath and coiled back in on herself. Shepard suddenly realized how her voice became so husky.

"Why the hell are you doing this?" Jack asked him finally, exhausted. "Miranda... There are other women. Tali... would be thrilled. They aren't... freaks." Suddenly furious, a blast of kinetic power lashed out and made something behind him fly against the wall with a clang. "WHY?"

"It's a hug, Jack. I'm not signing up to have and to hold."

Jack saw her moment and lunged, breaking free of his arms and jumping back against the wall. "I know that! But why are you even trying you stupid, sanctimonious, judgmental-"

Shepard tuned it out, until she paused for breath and he could answer. "They had to put me back together too." He pulled back from her enough that she could see him clearly, and started pointing to himself. He pointed to his arm. "Fighting with the school bullies. one of them had a knife." His chest. "First battle. Shotgun. Cryo Rounds." He pointed to his leg. "The blitz. Bomb debris." He turned and pointed to his back. "Cerberus. Husk Claws." He ran a finger down the side of his face. "The Citadel. The Sovereign came through the window." He moved back closer to her. "I used to be able to tell my whole life story in my scars. But they put me back together again, and now I have new ones. You can't see the ones I got myself any more. It's like my skin isn't my own any more." He waved a hand at her and shrugged. "I know what it's like. To have the worst scars be the ones that you can't see."

Jack just stared at him. "I never should have let you come with me. I never should have... I should have gone down there alone. You're as bad as the Cheerleader. You saw a little bit, you had a few files, and you think you've got it all figured out. Like you can tell me about my life because you read a bleedin' report!"

"Jack, I don't mean-"

She hauled off and punched him hard enough to knock him off his feet. By the time the stars cleared, she was gone.

* * *

When he came back to his private Quarters that night, she was waiting for him, standing in the middle of the room, arms folded. She picked up the conversation right where if left off as though hours had not passed. "And anyway, why would I want to talk about it  _now_? That place has been the stage for every nightmare I've had every night since the day I was born. So why would I be bothered by it tonight any more than last night, or the night before, or the one before that, or the one before that?"

Shepard managed to follow what she meant. She had somehow got the whole thing out in the time it took him to close the door behind him. "Do you really want an answer to that?"

"I'm here aren't I?"

"Well... maybe because it's gone now. We blew it to atoms, and if you wanted to go back, you couldn't. There's absolutely no possible way that you can ever be put in that room again, and no way can it hurt you any more. So if there was anything bothering you about it... it would all be coming from you now. There's nothing back there to be hurt by or scared of, because we killed it all."

She stared at him. Other than the fact her eyes were getting wider, there was nothing to show she'd even heard him.

"So if there was something still eating at you..." He added finally. "Then it isn't something that can go away by blowing something else up."

She turned on her heel and stormed for the door. He jumped out of the way before she went through him. She never even looked back.

With a sigh, Shepard got ready for bed.

She liked to think she was unreadable, but she was an open book. Her body was closed off, her jaw set, her clothes, hair, makeup; mannerisms... all of it screamed 'Go Away!'

Shepard had been an Officer, then a Spectre. Law Enforcement had seen it all. She was a child abuse victim raised to a mythic level by biotic power and long held hatreds. Everything he saw in Jack said that she was damaged; and more than a little dangerous. The unpredictable kind of dangerous, and not just in combat.

But then, the same could be said about most of them. Especially him. He was the hero of the Human race, the savior of the Citadel. And how many of his own friends walked on eggshells around him when he'd come back from the dead?

Why had he gone down there?

Maybe it was because nobody came into his room after the tough ones. Being a Spectre, being a soldier, being a War Hero, being 'The Pride of the Human Race'. People saw only the image with him sometimes. Just like Jack. They only saw what they wanted to see. Nobody came to straighten out his emotions or his mental state after the bad missions. They expected him to sort them out instead. He was the captain. it was his job to be unbreakable...

Such thoughts chased him into sleep.

* * *

Shepard woke up and found he had company in his bed. Somehow she had already got his shirt open and her lips and teeth were working savagely across his neck. "Jack-" he rasped in shock...

"It's a free ride commander; just shut up and enjoy it." She growled predatorily; her breath stunk of hard liquor.

Memory caught up and Shepard started to resist. "Jack, wait a second."

"Everyone's asleep, we can make noise. I intend to be pretty loud."

It took no small effort to push her hands away. "Jack. Stop."

He got his hands free just long enough to wave a hand out over the sensor and flood the room with light. She reared back from the light like a vampire taken by surprise. "Wha... What's wrong?"

He looked at her in the sudden light. Her face had been scrubbed clean of makeup, and her eyes were red; from drunkenness of from tears, Shepard couldn't tell. "You tell me, Jack. Are you okay?"

She was vibrating with a dangerous need; her eyes were wide and glassy with whatever she'd been drinking. "No. I need to do something. Shepard, if I stay still much longer I'm going to explode, so let's just do this and get it out of our systems, huh?" She started reaching for his pants, and he caught her hands tightly, holding her wrists. Her eyes flashed at the classic hold, and Shepard braced for a blow that didn't come.

"Talk to me." He said.

"No."

Shepard waited. "You came back. If it was just to get something out of your system you could have gone to anyone, but you came here."

Long silence. Horrific silence. The fragile feeling came back again, with her sitting on his stomach, bent over his face...

She shifted, straddling him, and pulled her hands free slowly, the mania gone from her now. She waved a hand out and turned the lights back off. "This is easier in the dark." She croaked.

"Okay." Shepard brought his hands away from her, resting them lightly on her thighs, which were on either side of his stomach. "Say something."

"John... I'm... I'm not the one you live with for longer than ten minutes. The scars were done to me. The tattoos, the shaved head... I do that to myself. I have no illusions about how damaged I am. It makes me a fireball in the sack, but you don't take me to meet your folks. That's for the cheerleaders with perfect minds and bodies. I have no problem with making this what it is. You're one of the white knights, so it's easier for you if you tell yourself we have a future, but you want me to feel something for you, and... I can't feel anything any more."

"Then why are you crying?"

She was shaking again. "How can you see that? How can you tell I'm crying in the dark?"

He brought his hands back down to her wrists; over the scars there "Scars don't feel pain. Scar tissue doesn't feel pain because the nerve endings have severed." He brought both hands up to cup her face. "Scar tissue doesn't feel, because it's already dead." He took a chance and brought her hands up to his face, placing a soft kiss on each scar that drew across her veins.

The shudder rumbled through her and he felt her every limb twitch. He could hear a shaky breath being sucked in through her teeth. She slid off the bed, and for a moment, he thought she'd left. But then the mattress dipped and he felt her sliding in next to him. "Stay over there."

Shepard shifted over to the opposite side of the bed. He felt the mattress shift and settle.

"It doesn't mean anything." She whispered.

"Of course it doesn't." He promised instantly.

"I just can't be bothered leaving while I'm drunk."

"Okay."

"You can't just  _fix_ me like this."

"I know."

She searched for a moment and caught his hand. It was the only thing proving she was anywhere nearby in the dark. "Don't let go?"

"I promise."

* * *

Shepard woke up the next morning and felt the mattress shifting on his left hand side. He looked and saw she was pulling her boots back on. She felt him shift and looked back at him for a moment. Her eyes were cold and hard as she waited for him to say something.

"Morning." Shepard said finally.

Jack got up and nearly marched out the door, not even looking back at him.

* * *

"Shepard, I need to come along." Miranda told him shortly on the way to the landing bay.

"We're recovering a beacon, Miranda. I can handle it alone. If it's damaged, Tali can handle it." Shepard told her.

"I'm sure. But I need to talk to you."

* * *

"Is it about the cat?" Miranda asked once, when they were safely away from the ship and down safe on the planet.

"What's a cat?" Tali asked.

"Is what about the cat?" Shepard asked, mildly stunned at the question.

"Jack. Are you trying to rescue the cat again?" Miranda pressed him, her flawless face full of concern.

"What are you guys talking about?" Tali demanded.

"When Shepard was a boy on earth, he found a cat." Miranda explained. "I saw it in his personality jacket. The sleep questions they give Alliance soldiers under hypnosis for their psychological profiles."

"You know about that too?" Shepard asked, not really surprised.

"What's a cat?"

"It's an animal. Humans keep them as pets. Only this one was a stray."

"No, not a stray. A feral. It had an owner, and it had been beaten." Shepard explained quietly. "You beat an animal long enough, and it starts to expect it. The only things it knew how to do was run away or bite first."

"John took care of it. After a while, it became his pet." Miranda added.

"So what happened to it?"

Shepard didn't answer.

Miranda did. "They lived in a warehouse basement. They lived the way a lot of runaways live. There were gangs roving the streets and they found him one day. The cat was beaten up by the gangs and killed."

"I joined up the next day." Shepard added quietly.

"So I guess what I'm saying is... taking along strays and making them strong is standard operating procedure for you. Is Jack just another feral you're trying to rehabilitate? A human, even a biotic, is harder to heal than a wild animal. A wild animal would probably leave fewer claw marks."

Shepard glared a little. "I would really think Miranda; that you of all people would want to be careful making comparisons like that."

Tali piped up, very aware of the tension. "There's the beacon."

* * *

The MAKO pulled to a half and the team got their environment suits on, heading outside. The wind was howling as always, but the probe was sticking halfway out of the ground, as the dust and dirt built up.

Shepard stepped forward first, tapping away at the interface. "Let's upload the information and-"

_Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Bebebebebebebeeeee-!_

Shepard dove away from the probe as his team scattered for cover. The probe exploded, picking up the Commander with a blast of flame and shrapnel, sending him sprawling. Shepard heard the sound of gas hissing and looked down at his suit, leaking from half a dozen pinpricks.

"INCOMING! Three o'clock!" Miranda yelled, and gunfire rang out.

Flat on his back, fire racing through every limb, Shepard saw marauders scrambling over stone ridges, heading for the MAKO. Vision swimming, he drew his pistol, still flat on the ground, and returned fire, covering his people as they dragged him back into the armored vehicle.

Miranda lowered him to the ramp as the pressure normalized, and bolted for the turret as Tali took the wheel. "Normandy, Normandy, come in. it was an ambush! Shepard's down! We need immediate dust-off, and have the Doctor waiting in the bay! Medical emergency!"

Shepard's head was spinning madly as the turret opened up and started blasting away as the MAKO took off at full speed.

* * *

Shepard was trying to see through a fog of sedatives and pain, but his brain woke up enough to take in a gallery of faces. His crew were visiting him, one by one, wishing him well.

There was no sign of Jack.

* * *

Three days later, Shepard opened his eyes and saw clearly for the first time.

Mordin shuffled over to him. "How are you feeling?"

"Report." Shepard barked first thing.

"He's fine." Tali deadpanned.

"We're currently on our way to the Hades Gamma Cluster. Ship and crew are all optimal. I thought it best to keep you sedated until you were well enough to be discharged. The general consensus was that you would be a very difficult patient."

Tali helped him off the bed, and Mordin ran through the complete list of all the medications and exercises to do. Shepard had heard it all before.

Tali was following him like a worried puppy. "Are you okay? Is there anything else you need?"

"Nothing a hot shower and a night in my own bed won't cure." Shepard told her.

"Fine. Fine. That's good. I was worried, I mean, I know you've survived a lot worse than anything one explosion could throw at you, and if you did die, then Miranda could probably do some magic again, not that I'm suggesting that she-"

Shepard turned around, fought to keep his balance, and grasped Tali by the shoulders. "I'm fine." He promised her gently.

Tali looked down, obviously embarrassed. "I'm glad."

"What else did I miss while I was out?"

"Miranda made a full report to whomever it is she reports to. He was displeased to hear you were damaged. He tore strips out of her for over an hour. Joker had a recording of the conversation and played it fourteen times for various crew members before she found out."

"Is he alive?"

"Yes. But he hasn't opened his mouth once since she confronted him. Literally. We had to feed him through a straw, talk via view screen; and he still won't tell us why." Pause. "I saved a copy of the conversation if you would like to hear it. It's really quite entertaining."

Shepard laughed. "Another time."

Tali put a hand up as they came to the door to his room. "Um… it's none of my business, but Jack wanted to be informed when you were out of Medbay. She stayed outside the door to your room for three straight days. She never came in, but she didn't leave the door. Joker calls her your personal guard dog."

"Joker should stick to eavesdropping on Miranda's private calls, and keeping his mouth shut."

"I'm just saying, on anyone else her expression would have looked like sad."

Shepard paused at the door. "You're right, Tali…" He said cannily. "It's none of your business."

"Good night, Shepard."

* * *

Shepard came painfully back into his room for the first time since being injured and limped to the shower. The whole ship used recycled water, and it was the captain's privilege to have the only private hot water system on board.

The medical staff had given him a rundown of the injuries, and a quick set of instructions. The internal damage had been seen to, and the surface damage could be healed with the medi-gel, though it left him covered in aching spots as the nerve damage healed itself. It was a feeling Shepard was used to, having wounds that still hurt after being healed to nothing.

He sucked in a breath as the hot water ran over the newest additions to his war wounds, when a chill came through the stall, and he spun around.

Jack stood naked before him, seemingly unconcerned. Given what she usually wore, it wasn't much of a change. Without a word, she stepped into the shower with him, and slid the stall shut behind her. He took a step back reflexively to give her room, still facing away from her.

She looked him up and down, eyes lingering in all the right spots. "You don't look so bad for a man living off Medbay food. To hear Miranda tell it, you were already dead and beating them to death with your severed limbs while she hauled you away."

"You could have come and seen me if you were worried, you know."

Jack didn't come any closer. She seemed nervous, but more for him than anything else. "Get well cards and flowers aren't my scene."

Shepard nodded, and turned back to the shower head, washing the soap out of his eyes.

Jack didn't move, standing almost at attention in the shower, as though unaware of the state they were both in as the water ran over them both. She raised only one hand and gently brushed his wounds, still new enough to be red and raw. "Well... got some scars back."

"Yeah. Guess so."

"What were you doing? Trying to catch shrapnel?"

"I caught some didn't I?"

Jack nodded slowly. "I... I was worried." She looked downright ill.

Shepard turned around and took the extended hand in his own. He pulled it up to his neck, where his pulse was. "Still here. You don't get rid of me that easy."

She had the terrified look again. It was getting too close. "Your pulse is a little fast to be normal."

"I think that's more because of the attractive woman in the shower with me." Shepard said lightly.

Jack's face changed as she stepped closer and put him up against the wall, forcing her mouth onto his violently. Once it started, it didn't seem to stop and she ran her hands up and down his neck, gripping his hair one second, his shoulders the next, all over him.

Shepard went with it till his hip hit the hot water tap. The handle didn't turn, but it dug into a wounded spot on his side and he hissed in sudden agony.

Jack yanked herself away like she'd been burnt and stepped out of the shower without another word.

* * *

Shepard was beyond stunned a few minutes later when he left the shower himself and found that she'd only gone as far as the next room. She was sitting on the edge of his bed, still naked and dripping, with her boots in one hand and her clothes in the other. She was trembling again, but from the cold or something deeper he wasn't sure.

She licked her lips. "I wasn't sure if you wanted me to stay."

Shepard just looked at her.

She looked down. "I wasn't sure if **I** wanted me to stay."

Shepard nodded slowly. "How'd you sleep that night? When you were here?"

"Better than usual, once I managed to get to sleep."

Shepard nodded. "Me too." He crossed the room and got her a towel from his locker. She didn't take it, not looking at him. Eventually he put the towel around her shoulders. She finally seemed to notice, and took it from him, wrapping herself in it. As she did, he saw her arms, and reached out instantly to grab them. "Are you cutting yourself again?"

She pushed him away. "I was freaking out all right? You've never seen me freak out. You've never even seen me close!"

"Bleeding doesn't help!"

"It makes things clear. It makes the crazy stop for a minute. This is pain I can defy!"

Shepard was already at the omni-tool by his bed, and he sprayed some Medi-Gel over the wounds, which closed over easily enough.

She didn't say a word as he treated her, but looked up once he was done. "I'm sorry I wasn't there." She said quietly. "I wasn't there, and you got shot."

"Blown up, not shot." Shepard said lightly. "And it was my call. It wasn't meant to be a huge fire fight, it was a downed probe. How were we supposed to know it was a trap?"

She didn't look at him. He reached out a hand, put a finger under her chin, and made her look up. She did so, with big watery puppy eyes, and she nuzzled into his hand gently.

Shepard swallowed. "Jack, you never have to-"

Jack slapped his hand away viciously, and ran out of the room, wrapped in the towel, her clothes in hand, her boots left on the floor.

After few minutes, Shepard put the boots neatly outside his door. It was late. nobody was going to see them.

An hour later, he checked again. They were gone.

Sighing, he went to bed.

* * *

Almost an hour after he'd fallen asleep, he woke up as the mattress dipped. Before his eyes were open he felt a warm body, long and lean. He smelled gunpowder, ozone, stale smoke, gun oil and booze...

"Jack?"

"Couldn't sleep." She mumbled. "Don't say anything, or I'm leaving."

Shepard nodded, and they settled themselves against each other again. He started to put his arms around her and she slapped them away. "Don't touch."

Shepard settled back where he was. She waited a moment, and pushed his shoulder untill he was facing away from her. She shifted, back to back with him.

Twenty minutes later, Shepard spoke. "I'm having no luck at all with sleeping. You?"

"Hell." Jack sighed. "I thought it would help. Being here."

Silence.

"Did you mean what you said?" She asked finally. "About me being attractive?"

"Yes."

Silence.

"Why'd you turn me down?" She asked finally. "Three times now. No strings, no questions, no awkward morning after. Why'd you turn me down?"

"You told me there were others." Shepard said carefully. "Who used you. For biotics, for violence, for work, for sex."

"Well... you're not like them." She admitted, and then she swore, violently and fluently. "This is so much easier in the dark. I can't believe I'm talking about this."

Shepard almost smiled. "Anyway, that's why."

"Worried about what I might have picked up after being passed around like that?" She asked crassly, no particular anger.

"No." Shepard assured her. "Just don't want to be put on the same list as any of those guys."

Deathly silence.

"I can't sleep." Jack whined.

Shepard turned over to lie facing her. "Come here."

She was trembling again, as his arms went around her gently. He could feel her hot breath on his collarbone as she breathed, and the tension in her seemed to solidify. It was like he was cuddling a marble statue.

Shepard recited softly. "Whose woods these are I think I know.  
His house is in the village, though;  
He will not see me stopping here  
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer  
To stop without a farmhouse near  
Between the woods and frozen lake  
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake  
To ask if there's some mistake.  
The only other sound's the sweep  
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,  
But I have promises to keep,  
And miles to go before I sleep,  
And miles to go before I sleep."

"That's beautiful." Jack whispered. "Who wrote that?"

"Robert Frost. Long ago." Shepard said. Ashley's memory hit him like a cold spike, and he pushed it away.

Jack looked up at him. "Someone special?"

She wasn't talking about the author of the poem, and Shepard knew it. "Yeah. She liked poems."

Jack's fingers tightened a moment. "Was she pretty?"

"... ...Yeah."

Jack was crying again. "Was she damaged too?"

"Everyone is one way or another. But no. Not like us."

Jack shifted. He couldn't see in the dark, but he knew she was looking up at him. "Us?" She quavered.

"Us." He confirmed.

Jack relaxed completely, like all the tension drained out of her in an instant. "Us."

They stayed silent for such a long time that Shepard wondered if she was asleep. And then she spoke.

_"My soul_

_Burns_

_With a fire of darkness_

_Quenched only in the pain_

_Of loneliness_

_I hold my breath waiting_

_Until spots appear black as the past_

_And fill my lungs up with lies of hope_

_I mark myself_

_Black and jagged_

_To cover the scars_

_That make me a monster_

_A warning_

_This is not a place of honor_

_No esteemed dead are buried here."_ She whispered.

Shepard lightly stroked her bare back, fingers trailing up and down her spine. "You write that?"

"Uh-huh."

"Very nice. Moving."

Jack was crying again. "Really?"

"Really."

Silence.

"You  _can't_ fix me." She stressed. "You can't just  _fix_ me like this."

"I know."

"So help me, John; if you turn out to be like the rest of them anyway, I will do something bad to you, and it will involve a bottle of lube and a large grenade."

Beat.

"I think that's the first time you called me 'John'."

Beat.

"...Oh...  _god_..." Jack choked out and burst into tears.

The whimpering took hours to stop. A lifetime of abuse and neglect and isolation and pain and loneliness and blame came pouring out in tiny increments, and they both knew that all they had done so far was rip the old wounds open. Shepard did not try to seduce her. It was far too intimate to come to that. He did not offer platitudes or advice. There was nothing he could offer. After almost ten minutes, John slowly lowered his hands from their place around her body, and he started to move back.

And she clung to him.

Her leg moved over his knees, coiling around him like a scared five year old girl with a safety blanket. Her fingers dug into his thin shirt in a tight fist grip, and her face pressed into his collarbone. Shepard smiled softly and gently placed on hand over her gripping arm, almost holding her hand, the other arm sliding down her back, holding her as she wept.

She was trembling again. Shepard recognised the responses. They were ingrained. They were unconscious. When Tali saw Geth, she rested her hand on a weapon. When Joker saw enemy ships, he gripped the controls tighter. When Jack felt somebody's arms drawn tight around her body, she flinched away. it was a hardwired reaction. it couldn't be fought, it couldn't be denied. But she was struggling to let him stay near.

"Do you trust me?" He whispered to her finally.

"No."

Silence

"Do you  _want_ to trust me?"

"... ...yes."

Shepard took the hand gripping his shirt, and gently stroked her knuckles, till the fist opened slowly. Once the fingers were free, her hand started trembling again. he pulled it up to his shoulder, like a lover's embrace, but she got the point. She was as much a part of this as he was.

She rested one hand on his shoulder as she lay against him. Her legs relaxed from the combat crouch they seemed locked in, and she seemed to hold her breath a moment. She was still wearing her boots, and she kicked them off silently. The dull thud as they fell to the floor made them both jump, but her bare foot slid down to rub against his gently.

Shepard took it as his cue and gently reached past her enough to pull the blanket up over them both. "Sleep."

She seemed to nod a little, though sleep was far far away. She still had her face pressed into his collarbone. He could feel wetness as her tears were smeared on his skin. "Shepard... I don't sleep too good." She rasped finally. "I could kill you in my sleep and not even know till I woke up."

Shepard put a gentle kiss on the top of her bare head. "I know. I'm not as helpless as you like to think, Jack. I've got bad stuff in my head too. I've been dead at least once, and you can imagine how that'll keep you awake at night."

She almost, almost started to smile at that.

With painful slowness, she started to relax a little, sliding down under the cover against him slightly so that her head rested on his chest.

* * *

Shepard woke up a few hours later as the bed shifted, and he saw her putting her boots on. "You don't have to leave you know."

She didn't say a word, she just stalked out.

He turned to his left, and noticed the flower on his bedside. The one that the girl had given Jack. It had aged, dried out, petals fallen off…

Shepard rolled his head back. "What am I doing?"

* * *

Another day, another mission. Jack stayed on the ship for this one, lost in thought. She started up her Omni-Tool, and started to type.

She'd taken an interest in poetry once, long ago. She'd never heard words that were meant to be beautiful before. Before that, it had all been question and answer, threat and warning…

She'd broken into a newsagent, looking for information. She'd been involved in something blatantly illegal, and her omni-tool destroyed. She'd gone to a public booth, looking for information, and found a notice for sending e-cards. She had no friends to wish happy birthdays to. She didn't even know what a birthday was. But the way the ad made it sound, suggested that a birthday was something nice, so she had sent an e-card to herself.

It was a funny little poem, with a happy thought, and a wish of love and luck.

Jack felt gutted. Words could make you feel good? Good feelings came from gutting somebody. She'd known that since as far back as she could remember.

So she went looking. She didn't even know what she was looking for. And after a while, she stopped looking and wrote her own. The one she had told Shepard in soft whispers exchanged in the dark.

Jack tapped away at her second poem again.

_Two hearts broken, one dark, one light._

_Torn jagged down the middle._

_Two half hearts, missing the other halves._

_Taped odd sides together with hugs._

_One heart left between the two, but beating._

_Shared back and forth in the dark._

She read it twice, bit her lip, and wondered what he would think.

And she deleted it quickly.

* * *

Another day, another mission. The report took a good bit longer than Shepard would have liked. Ashley… How was he supposed to put that down? Ash was almost certainly going to report this. Report him. He was outed, and he'd let her go. A decision he was never going to regret, but it was going to make his life more complicated…

He finally managed to put down something vague enough to satisfy him, but he knew that Miranda had made her own report. Hiding Ashley would have gained him nothing. So why had he made such an effort?

The answer was simple. He couldn't think of her as an enemy. Not even to himself. Not even in his own log.

Gentle hands touched the back of his neck, and the half-asleep soldier moaned a little. "Come on." Jack said. "I can't sleep. You know I can't sleep any more." She sounded as exhausted as he felt.

"There's something different about you tonight." He said blearily.

She pushed him back slowly and he almost fell into the bed. "Figure it out in the morning." She told him quietly, and curled in next to him.

* * *

"Reveille. Attention All Personnel: it is now 0600. Reveille. Begin day watch. Night watch department heads make your reports to the duty officer of the day. First shift beings now."

Shepard woke up and realized he was not alone.

Jack was still there. She was sprawled over his body. She was awake and looking up at his face, tracing one of his scars lightly.

"You're still here." He murmured.

Jack nodded, looking terrified again. Her eyes looked so big and expressive when she trembled like that... The emotion in them running so deep it leaked out in barely restrained tears.

They lay together for a long time, just listening to each other breathe.

"What are you thinking?" Shepard asked finally.

She was silent a long time. "Is this real?" She said finally. "I mean... is this really happening?"

"Yeah. I think so."

She wrapped her arms around him in return as best she could. Shepard took a chance, and put his arms around her properly, hugging her body to his. She snuggled in close, and he let out a held breath slowly.

She was like a wounded and beaten animal merged with a war refugee. She could go from needy to homicidal in a heartbeat. Shepard wondered for a moment if he'd bitten off more than he could chew.

Jack let out a few choice four letter words. "Oh god, are you going to be one more thing I have to survive?" She was nearly crying again.

"I was just thinking that about you." Shepard admitted softly.

They lay like that for a few minutes, and she sat up. So did he. She picked up her boots again, pulled them on and looked back at him.

Shepard finally put his finger on it. "You're not wearing the mascara anymore."

"Got tired of looking like my eyes were bleeding ink." She muttered, sounding exhausted.

"Jack, if-"

She leaned forward, and gave him a kiss on the lips, so soft he barely felt it, and then she jumped up, racing for the door again.

Shepard watched after her as the door closed, and sucked in a breath. "Okay, Shepard. Don't screw it up now." He told himself.

* * *

Kelly, Tali and Donnelly had a standing poker game. Daniels and Shepard joined it at some point. Having the Commander at the table was nerve-wracking at first. But once Shepard played the part of a rookie who didn't know what he was doing, they relaxed and decided to have some fun with him. An hour later, Shepard had demonstrated how well he'd played them, suddenly five hundred credits richer.

The next game, they were not so taken in, and two hours later, there was little change in their chips.

"I thought I had a good poker face." Tali complained lightly, throwing down her cards. "Is it my posture? How much I bet? What?"

Shepard grinned at Donnelly. "Do you want to tell her, or shall I?"

"Tell me what?" Tali asked.

"Oh please, let's not. I'm only barely breaking even!" Donnelly complained.

"Tell me what?" Tali demanded.

"We can see your cards." Shepard told her. "There's a reflection off your facemask."

" _ **What**_?" Tali screeched as everyone laughed hysterically.

Then Kelly noticed a shadow that wasn't there before and jumped, letting out a short, sharp, scream of shock.

Everyone spun, and saw an intimidating silhouette. Jack was standing at the table, and nobody had seen her coming.

"Yeah. I tend to have that effect on people." Jack told Kelly indifferently.

"Something you need, Jack?"

Jack licked her lips, awkward, but determined. "I was wondering if you could use another player."

Stunned silence.

"You play poker?" Tali asked in awed disbelief.

"Well sure, but I'm not very good." Jack said automatically.

"Oh no you don't." Daniels snorted. "I fell for that one from the Commander; I'm not falling for it again!"

A laugh went up and Jack almost,  _almost_  smiled too.

"Pull up a chair." Shepard told her, and Jack sat down to play with them.

* * *

He waited up for her, but she didn't come. He checked his omni-tool. 2345. He checked the door. Nothing. He listened for the hallway. Silence.

He checked his omni-tool again. 2349.

Why was he waiting like this? What did he think was going to happen?

He checked his omni-tool again. 2353.

So she'd put her foot up his leg during the game. So what?. She was just trying to rattle him. And she'd succeeded, taking over a hundred from his winnings. It didn't mean anything. She'd told him as much a dozen times.

He checked his omni-tool again. 2359.

So why was he waiting up for her? He'd been mostly asleep every time she'd come. She needed him now, to be able to sleep. It didn't mean he needed her too. Right?

He checked his omni-tool again. 0009.

Giving up, he went to sleep.

* * *

Shepard woke up a little later, and found she was climbing in with him again. "You know, you could tell me when you're coming."

"I figure one day, I'll come in and catch you with the Cheerleader, or the Buckethead." Jack quipped. "Or both."

"And then what?"

"Well, that'll be an interesting night for you, won't it?"

"Miranda and Tali, then you? Sounds like a _very_ interesting night."

It didn't take nearly as long this time for them to settle, the position already routine. She curled up under his arm, wrapped one leg around his knees and stretched her top half across him, as he wrapped his arms around her to keep her there.

"How long till we reach Omega 4?" She asked him quietly.

"Two days." Shepard answered her. "One way or another, this ends in two days. And in a way, I'll be glad to see the back of it."

Silence.

"Turn the lights off. I mean, right off." She said finally.

Shepard waved over the sensor beside his bed, and everything went pitch black. The fish tank, the standby lights, the safety lights over the door-frame... The view-port to the stars was the only light left at all.

"The Doc came to see me when you were wounded." Her voice said quietly. "He said that I should stay away for a while. He said that you were in no shape for, and I quote 'a highly active and physically durable specimen like me to seek mutual stress relief'."

"I was so." Shepard responded, vaguely offended and amused.

"The whole ship thinks we're 'stress relieving' each others brains out in here." Jack commented. "I'm pretty sure Joker knows I came in here just now."

Shepard snorted. "Well, you know what a discreet and sensitive soul he is."

Silence. Her felt her fingers search their way up his chin, and start tracing his lips softly. He felt his heart start to race.

"Does it bother you?" She asked finally. "That we haven't..."

"No." He promised her immediately.

"Really?" She asked neutrally. "Because, I told you when I came on board that if you wanted to do it to me, I was fine with it. The offer still stands, I wouldn't mind..."

"Okay, first of all, every time you've brought it up, you've used words such as: 'just like all the others'. And if I was like them, you wouldn't keep coming back here, would you?"

"No." Jack conceded.

"And secondly, if we ever did? I wouldn't want you thinking of it as 'something I did to you and you wouldn't mind.'"

Jack's eyes welled up again. "I don't know if I can think of it as anything else anymore."

Shepard felt so sorry for her, and was glad for the darkness. She would kill him in a heartbeat if she saw pity on his face. "Shh." He whispered. "Don't stress about that. Just... let it all go for a while."

He felt her fingers withdraw from his face, and settle back on his shoulder. "Do you just not... I mean... is it me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't exactly look like the type you'd go for, Mr Hero of the Human Race. I'm not perfect like Miranda, I'm not cheerful like Tali, and I'm not curvy like Samara. I don't look like any of the type you'd find in one of Joker's hidden vid files, unless he's kinkier than I think. I wouldn't fit in on Earth, or the Citadel. I mean... I'm pretty out there."

"Jack, I don't know if you noticed, but most of my day to day life includes aliens, parasitic husks like the walking dead, full blown synthetics... My crew is made up of people with implants, cybernetic limbs, scales, feathers, exo-skeletons, environment suits, combat armors in all the colors of the spectrum... Body tatts ain't exactly the most unusual thing I see an attractive woman wearing, you know?"

"Hmm." She seemed satisfied with that.

Shepard shifted a little. "Jack?"

"Hm?"

"Are you... growing your hair out?"

Silence.

"Just haven't bothered with shaving it back down lately. Is... is that all right?"

"Personally, I've always wondered what color it was."

She snuggled into him tightly and shut her eyes. "John?"

"Yeah?"

"Everyone on board is assuming that we're going at it like rabbits on stims. If someone asks, don't set them straight. I swear to god, the first person that refers to me as a cuddle-monster gets air locked."

Shepard laughed.

* * *

"Reveille. Attention All personnel: it is now 0600. Reveille. Begin day watch. Night watch department heads make your reports to the duty officer of the day. First shift beings now."

Shepard opened his eyes. She was still there, curled into him. She was holding his arms, pulling them in more tightly around her. She looked up at his face. "Hi."

He smiled at her. "Morning."

She made no move to pull away. "You're the captain. You can show up late, right?"

"I got some time." Shepard conceded, pretty comfortable where he was.

Long silence. She was silent against his side, rocking a little, stretching her muscles without really moving, rubbing herself against him. He was the same way, stroking a hand up and down her spine as she writhed like a big cat being petted.

"When I was a little kid, in that room..." She said softly, the panicked look now somewhat faded. "They taught me how to read, so that I could answer testing questions. I saw through the window, at one of the guards... he brought this book to read with him. Once, he left it on the edge of the desk when he went to do something. I used my biotics to pull the book over. I'd never seen one before. I saw the words, and I made the pages turn. I read maybe fifteen pages before he came back and caught me."

"What was the book about?"

"I don't know. But there was this scene in the book, where a little girl had a nightmare. In the book she went running to her parents' room, and climbed into bed with them because she was still scared. In the book, they held her and took care of her. It was the first time I had ever learned the word 'love'." She turned her face into his chest so that she couldn't look at him. "It was a fairy tale. One I didn't believe in. There aren't arms to hold you in real life, there's just a table to hide under." She lifted her head enough and started kissing his arms, still around her. She kissed all up and down his arms, from his shoulders down to his fingertips. "Arms. Since I come here... arms."

"Two arms, no waiting. I promise, they'll be here for you."

Jack seemed to freeze for a second. "I'm just going to shut up now. You should feel free to do the same."

Shepard did so, not pushing it. She had stayed long enough to speak to him in the morning. It was the first time she hadn't left before Reveille. She was still like a frightened wild thing. He had to let her come to him.

"I'm not someone who gives in, Shepard. I never have." She said finally. "It's how I survive. I never give in. I never surrender."

"Who says it's a war?" Shepard asked her. "I don't give in either, but I'm here, aren't I?"

Silence.

"Where did you come from?" She croaked, tears streaming down her face. "How in the name of whatever can you put up with me? Every time I get close I want to scream or cry or throw up or kill you. It's a big bag of  **crazy**  in my head. Doesn't that bother you at all? I mean... you must have some sense of self preservation! Anyone with the intelligence of a  **rock**  knows to stay the hell away from me!"

"Jack..." Shepard said. "Can I confess something to you now?"

She sniffed. "Uh-huh."

"I've been beaten up by street gangs as a child, I've been through Blitzes and Sieges, I've fought in more battles than I can remember, I've been blown up, shot, buried too many of my friends, had the whole galaxy hunting me, been  _dead_  for two years and resurrected by organizations that scare the hell out of me, and even now I expect to be dead again in the next day or so... Being nuts is stamped on the boarding pass for this ship. I'm hanging on by my fingernails most of the time too."

Jack looked at the haunted expression on his face like he'd suddenly grown a second head, and kept staring for several seconds until an amazing smile bloomed on her face. "Thank god!" She pounced forward and kissed him passionately. A kiss that Shepard had no trouble returning.

After a time, Jack broke the kiss and pulled back for air. "Tonight." She told him firmly. "No more reasons. I'll come by early. Be here after evening chow."

* * *

The door chimed. It was the first time she had knocked.

Shepard swallowed his nerves and answered the door.

Jack was framed in the doorframe, a bottle in each hand. "I thought you might like a nightcap first." She said. And then burst into tears.

"Come in." Shepard tugged her inside gently, took the bottles from her hands and set them down on the table.

Jack was still crying, her mascara painting down her cheeks and she wiped at the tears furiously. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm reacting like this. Everything I was planning to do tonight... I've done before, with people I didn't even like. I don't know why this is harder."

"Maybe because it means something else to you this time?" Shepard dared. "Maybe because this is the first time... you wanted to?"

"How are you  _doing_  this?" She whispered. "Too much just bounces off me. But not you. How are you doing this to me?"

" _We're_  doing it." He promised her softly. "You want break down like this too. I'm not making anything change. You are."

Long silence.

"I've never..." She broke off and took a moment to go through her extensive list of profanity. "Dammit, I learned the trick of it, Shepard. I knew how to be on my own. It was safe. It was strong. It was easy. I know my part in every story. Everything made sense before you came along. I'm a very strong person, godammit! You feel, you die!"

In one convulsive movement, she made her choice, and her enhanced speed took him in a desperate clinging grip. Her fingers dug in everywhere they could touch and Shepard made a conscious effort not to scream in sudden pain.

She shivered again. "I can't. I can't do this."

She wasn't talking about sex. Shepard felt himself start breathing harder. "Yes. You can."

"No I can't." She pulled back a little.

"You can. But if it takes time, then it takes time." He lowered his hands from her shoulder blades.

"We don't  _have_ time!" Jack snarled violently into his shoulder. "We're reaching the target in what? A day? If you get killed tomorrow, is spending the night with you like this going to make it easier or harder?"

"I plan to do as little dying as possible." Shepard retorted. "If that's the only reason you're here, then let it be tomorrow's problem. What about you? What if you get killed? Is this going to make it easier or harder for me?"

Jack blinked, as though the notion of her death being hard on someone had never occurred to her.

"Do you  _want_ to go?" He asked her finally.

Her fingers tightened convulsively. "No." She said. " _Please_."

The word hung in the air for a full two seconds before her face hardened. "Oh god. Tell me I didn't just  _beg_!"

"Jack-"

Blue fire raced across her skin and hurled him into the wall. "-DON'T WANT PITY!" She screamed, and stormed out of the room, bellowing foul obscenities and promising a swift painful death to any who approached her.

* * *

She stayed away for almost four hours.

The door opened quietly, and Shepard turned away from the window to see Jack come in. She looked... scared. No. Not scared. Uncertain.

"I'm glad you came back." Shepard said quietly. "Even if nothing-"

"We've got no chance." She said to him seriously. "If you wanted one night, you should have done something about it when we first met. We're past that now. I'd either kill you or do something stupid. Or you'd get sick of holding me together and you'd walk, or you'd find somebody not so... homicidal. Any path I see ends with us being at each others throats or dead within a week. And that's not even counting what happens tomorrow."

"So?"

"So, that sucks."

"I know. I don't care. And if you did, you wouldn't be here."

The change in her was incredible. She suddenly seemed like a lost child. She tore her gaze away from him, looked down at herself, the scars she'd inflicted, the tattoos she'd drawn... The tears formed in her eyes like whisper of her soul daring to peek through. Her lips moved with soundless words, but Shepard could see the question clearly.  _What have I made myself into?_

Shepard came over, and she actually took a small step back. "We'd kill each other in a week." She swore.

"But it would be a pretty spectacular week." Shepard murmured. She was actively trembling as he reached for her. Wanting this, afraid to want this...

He did not dare pressure her. The moment was so horribly fragile; he would not risk tipping the scales. Instead he just... touched. His hands ran gently from her fingertips, up to her shoulders. She was shaking. The tears went unnoticed, and her eyes seemed panicked.

Slowly, so very slowly, he leaned in the tiniest bit, put a kiss that forgave and comforted on the very corner of her lips. The shudder rolled through her motionless body like a convulsion. With her full lips parted and tears drawing black streaks of make up down her face, she looked so young and scared that Shepard almost felt like a monster for being near her.

She turned into him again, moulding her body against his like a second skin. "Touch me." She whispered.

And he did. His hands ran gently over her, tracing every tattoo she'd had drawn into her skin, anointing her art with his touch. The skin felt different where the inks had marked her. The ridges of her scars were next, and he stroked and kissed them all, one by one. It was passionate and sensual, but somehow more spiritual than physical. It was a healing touch, and she trembled under it.

She pulled them both over the edge of the bed till he was above her, and she arched her neck to take his lips in a long and emotional kiss. He returned it desperately and they were both lost.

* * *

He woke up first this time. Even asleep she had this strange little smile on her face, like she wanted to be smiling but didn't quite know how.

"Reveille. Attention all personnel: it is now 0600. Reveille. Begin day watch. Night watch department heads make your reports to the duty officer of the day. First shift beings now."

Her eyes opened and saw him, and the smile came freely and relaxed. "Morning."

"Morning." He whispered back. "How'd you sleep?"

"Better than I have in years."

"Me too."

Silence.

"What are you thinking?" Shepard asked finally.

Jack smiled again, but this time in embarrassment. "You'll think it's silly."

"Tell me anyway."

"You've seen me without my clothes on before. Hell, you know how I dress, plenty of people have seen me without clothes on before... last night was the first time anyone saw me laid bare."

Shepard wrapped his arms around her again. "Why would that be silly?"

"I don't know." Jack admitted. "I just know that...well... you know I've been around a few times... this is the first time when gentle and emotional actually did it for me. It's just not me. Tender is not like me."

"Seemed to be pretty second nature to you last night."

"It did, didn't it?" Jack sighed and pressed her face into his skin, taking in a long breath, kissing him softly on the neck. "Nobody has ever been nice to me like this before. Not once. That takes more than bad luck; that takes real talent. I thought I was over it. I really thought I was past it. But since I was a kid... I just wanted someone to be nice to me." They kissed softly. "Thank you John. Thank you for this. Everyone should have this at least once in their life."

"I needed this as much as you did." He whispered back.

"As much?" She repeated. "No, I don't believe that's true."

The tension had been broken. They were talking suddenly, touching each other constantly, as if afraid breaking contact would make the moment end.

"What can I say? I didn't know what I was doing." Jack confessed. "After that hellhole, I knew more about sex than any twelve year old should, but what I knew about enjoying it was much less, and what I knew about being with someone could fit on the head of a pin."

"Bastards." Shepard commented with venom.

"Tell me about it. But... I think once you get to thinking about a little girl as a science project, and not a person, seeing her as an available piece of meat isn't much harder. I was subhuman to them from the start."

"Did you ever have anyone?" Shepard asked. There was no particular jealousy, they were just talking about their lives.

"Sometimes. Partners in crime, mostly. I learned from them, about survival, about equipment, about money... Well, there was this one guy. Murtock... he was a nice guy, for a mercenary and a weapons smuggler, but I didn't have a clue what I was supposed to be. He was like me. Started every morning with his fists up. Don't know what did it for him, but... I think he loved me, but he didn't like me. When he wanted sex, I gave it to him. It was the first time anyone cared if I enjoyed it, so it meant a lot. When he needed help on a job, I was there. Didn't really see a future with him, but it was better than anything else I'd ever had."

"What happened?"

"He felt. He got sloppy. He died." She sighed, and took a slug from one of the bottles she'd brought the night before. "Now you."

"Ashley. Her name was Ashley. She was a soldier, back when I was still Alliance. We met up on a world that was being invaded. She lost her whole unit, and we just sort of adopted her. I was mid-mission. Nothing serious, just saving the galaxy."

"Again?" Jack deadpanned. "So, how does it work for normal people? Love at first sight?"

"The regs meant we couldn't get together. But once we were declared renegades and went on the run; it didn't seem to matter."

"I'm beginning to see a pattern in the women you date." Jack commented, nuzzling into his fingers a bit.

"Is that what this is? We dating now?"

"If we live till dinner time, bring two trays in here and we'll call it whatever you like." Jack shrugged that off. "So what happened?"

"I got killed in action. When I came back, Cerberus was too much for her; given that she's still miliary."

Jack swore colorfully. "You told me something about her I can respect. Kinda wish you hadn't done that."

"If you knew her, you'd appreciate what a stretch it was for her even letting me walk away. If she'd arrested me right there, she would have been in character. She was... loyal. To the point of intolerance. It was the hardest part for us. She tended to see things in absolutes, no exceptions. Being the first human Spectre meant I had to play nice with a lot of people she didn't trust."

Silence.

"...wonder what she'd make of me?" Jack said after a wile.

"A tough, powerful human, a young woman forced into horrible things by the evils of criminals, motivated to extreme measures by threats to humanity from outside forces? You're exactly what she's fighting for."

Silence.

"If she was here, would we still-"

"Shh." Shepard shushed her. "No, we wouldn't. I would still do anything for you, and so would she. But it wouldn't be like this. The Band of Brothers bond is a tough nut to crack... so is love. But she walked away, Jack. I'd never betray her. Or now you."

Silence.

"I believe you." Jack said finally. "I wish I didn't. I really wish I could not have any faith in you at all. But I do. Band of Brothers, right?"

_"From this day to the ending of the world,_  
 _But we in it shall be remembered_  
 _We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;_  
 _For he today that sheds his blood with me_  
 _Shall be my brother; be he never so vile."_ Shepard quoted.

Jack toasted with the bottle, took another deep pull, and then handed the bottle to him.

"I wouldn't have pegged you for a poetry fan." Shepard said lightly, tracing the tattoos on her thighs.

"I'm not really. But I tried writing one once. The one I told you. On a dare, I submitted it to some competition. They rejected it. Said it didn't fit into a metered format."

Shepard actually laughed. "Jack, nothing we do fits into other people's timetables."

Jack smiled a bit. "Guess not. She noticed him looking at her face intently. "Now what?"

"I never realized till just now how little you smiled. And I don't mean a feral grin, I mean a real happy smile. Your whole face changes."

"Yeah?"

"You look so beautiful when you smile."

Her famous sub-zero eyes came back and turned on him. "And other times? What am I then?"

Shepard froze. "Um... ah..." He stammered eloquently.

She took pity and came forward, almost bent double to kiss him softly.

"Captain to the Bridge, captain to the bridge please." The PA announced.

"We're almost to Omega 4." Jack whispered.

The two of them sighed. The night was over. They both pulled away from each other reluctantly and got ready to face the day.

"Shepard?"

"You used to call me John."

"Not when we leave this room I won't. You're right about me. I don't let people in. When we leave this room..." She sighed hard, her face hardening again. "What comes next, will require us both to be very dangerous. I think we had both better start doing that now. You managed to get close somehow, but that doesn't go for the whole crew."

"And when we come back to this room?" Shepard asked, almost scared of the answer.

Jack looked at him evenly, slinging her gun belts around herself. "Do you really think any of us are coming back?"

No. The answer was obvious. It was no. It was a suicide mission, plain and simple. "We've beaten the odds before."

Jack didn't believe him, but let him say it anyway. She went to the door and paused, staring at the closed door like hell was on the other side. He zipped his jacket up and went to the door himself.

She turned without a word and took him in a tight fierce hug. He returned it. It was as solid a farewell as either of them was going to give.

Jack turned back to the closed door, and her shoulders straightened, her limbs coiled. In the space of a breath, the soft, puppy dog eyes were gone, and Subject Zero was ready for war. "See you in the next life Shepard."

"Likewise."

Game Faces on, the two of them marched for the Bridge, ready to save the Galaxy.


	2. Helping Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the time, this was meant to be a Oneshot. But at the time, Game 3 in the trilogy was still on the way, and chapter two came in response to DLC, and a few previews of the third game in the rilogy.
> 
> As a result, as we move into Game Three, expect some diversions from Canon, but not many. I was writing while playing.

The whole ship was creeping around in fear. The crew of the Normandy 2 had one thing in common. Confidence. Absolute confidence in her ability, and in the ability of her crew. In particular, her captain. Every man and woman who served in its corridors felt the confidence that came with knowing you had the best hand of cards in the galaxy.

But this week, the crew were tiptoeing around the ship, uneasy. Even The Team. Shepard's hand-picked command staff. They were afraid to meet their captain's eyes.

It had been two days since Shepard had gone alone to recover a missing Operative. Since the Omega 4 Mission, Shepard had broken all ties with the Illusive Man, and the crew had gone with them. Those that didn't hate Cerberus already, were willing to follow Shepard anywhere after getting them out of the Reaper's sadistic grasp. Those that had warrants out for working with Cerberus were grateful that Shepard had taken them directly to Earth. Shepard was still disavowed.

But both sides still knew how to contact Shepard, and promised that this particular Operative had information about the impending Reaper Invasion.

The Reaper Invasion was coming much faster than anyone had predicted. It was only hours away, coming through an isolated Mass Effect Relay in Batarian Space.

Shepard had foiled the invasion, or at least delayed a good while, by destroying the Relay before their fleet could come through.

It was a move that lit up every sensor grid in the known galaxy, and alerted every civilization that had ever seen a Mass Effect field to the fact that he was there. Nobody had wilfully destroyed a Relay in history.

It was an act of destruction that obliterated an inhabited world, and sent three hundred thousand Batarians to their deaths.

The Batarians might have been considered the trash of the galaxy, but they were many, and they were brutal, and now their combined rage was focused on one exiled human. Everyone was expecting a war to break out, and those who understood the facts of the matter all knew there was only one way to quickly avert one.

There hadn't been a feeling like this on board the Normandy 2 since her Captain was... resurrected. The rest of the crew had been put together by the chief of the ship, Operative Miranda Lawson. She was exacting, precise, and she never once settled for anything less than absolute perfection. Imperfection was worth your life under her rule before Shepard. And now she was sneaking around her own ship, afraid to draw attention. When The Operative went to ground, the crew worried.

The whole ship was frozen, waiting for something to happen, but not knowing what it would be.

In fact, the only thing more worrying was Subject Zero. She hadn't come out of The Pit below the Engine room for three days. Not even to eat. Not even to see Shepard.

* * *

Tali loved her ship. She loved the sound of it, loved the smoothness of her. When Shepard gave her job of chief Engineer, it was the happiest day of er life. So when she heard the harsh rhythmic clanging, she followed it to the stairs that led down to the maintenance tunnels. Of 'The Pit' as the crew called it.

The Pit was Jack's private quarters.

"Go see what's making that noise." Tali swiftly ordered Daniels.

"Go down there and tell Zero to keep it down?" Daniels responded. "Hell no."

"Chicken."

"What can I say, Miss Zorah? Burdens of command."

Tali took a deep breath and went downstairs into Jack's 'Pit', following the noise, and found the tattooed woman punching the wall, over and over. She was methodical and ferocious. The bulkhead had dented inward significantly, and her knuckles were getting bloody.

"Jack!" Tali called.

Jack whirled to face her, breathing hard, with a light sheen of sweat covering her skin. " **WHAT**?"

Tali took two steps back instinctively. "Would you mind not punching holes in my ship? Go find a punching bag."

Jack glared. "Tell you what,  _little girl_. If you turn around and walk away right now, then I will go back to punching the wall, and I may choose not to use  _you_  instead!"

Tali shivered, and was grateful for once that her reaction was hidden safe in her suit. "That wasn't a request. I was ordering you not to smash your knuckles open on my bulkheads."

"Since when are they  _your_  bulkheads? Since when is it  _your_  ship?"

"Since Shepard gave me the engine room. You want to live down here, you got me as a landlord. You want to go somewhere else, go ahead. The Captain would probably be happy to have you move in." Tali sighed, the bitterness clear in her voice, though she probably thought she was hiding it. "Ancestors only know why."

Jack looked at the Quarian. It was an open secret that Tali was stupid for Shepard. "Kid, you don't want to get into that. You don't have any idea what you're talking about."

"Probably true, but I know that if I was in your place, I'd be up there with him, instead of down here punching holes in the walls!"

Jack growled. "I don't got anything that'll help, so I'm staying out of the way."

"Miranda doesn't know what to do either, but at least she cares enough to stick around."

Jack went still, frozen in place. "What?"

Tali's head tilted. Even without seeing her face, the kid wasn't at all hard to figure out. "Oh, you didn't know? She's with him now." She said with biting understatement.

Subject Zero was out the door instantly, biotic fire racing around her clenched fists. "Like hell."

* * *

Jack came sprinting around the corner and found Miranda sitting on the floor beside the door to Shepard quarters, was a food tray sitting next to her. "Cerberus?" She said, uncertain. Miranda looked... lost.

The flawless beauty looked up at the ex-convict was something close to hopelessness. "He... I don't... I don't know what to say to him." She laughed then, a short, sharp bark of bitter disbelief. "I can count on one hand the number of times I didn't know what to do. One hand."

Jack felt her uncertainty fade, and gave the Cheerleader a predatory smirk. "Let me tell you something, Cheerleader. You don't belong in his world. His world is a place where you have to choose between the death of millions, knowing you'll never forgive yourself, or the death of billions, knowing you'd never get the blame for it. Your world is a place where everything you have gets coded in genetically, and everything you do follows a rulebook. Shepard doesn't have a rulebook any more. He threw it away the second he agreed to work with you."

Miranda looked at Jack in disgust and stood up. "I don't have a rulebook either. I left Cerberus after the Omega 4 Mission."

Jack blinked rapidly. She hadn't heard that. "Huh."

Miranda looked over her shoulder at the door to his room. "He does that, doesn't he? Makes you do things you never thought you'd do."

Jack felt something cold creep up from the pit of her stomach. This was getting a little chummy for her. The fact that Miranda was right had nothing to do with it.

Miranda didn't push for a response. "Try to get him to eat something." She said finally. "He won't even let me in."

Jack took the tray as Miranda headed back for the elevator. "I still don't like you." Jack called after her, mostly out of a lack of anything better to say.

"Feeling's mutual." Miranda said plainly as the elevator closed.

* * *

Shepard was doing sit-ups in his room when she came in. From the look of him, he'd been at it a while. Jack understood. A calmer spirit from working the body.

He stopped when she came in and put the tray down. "I'm not hungry." He told her, short of breath.

"Oh good." Jack said easily and helped herself to his tray. "Chef was trying to butter you up with comfort food. How come nobody ever does that for me?"

"Captain's Privilege." Shepard smirked and started working out again. Jack put her feet up and balanced the tray across her knees, enjoying the show.

After a few minutes, Shepard glanced up at her. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like I'm the second course." He shot back.

Jack grinned toothily at him. "What can I say? I like watching people exercise while I eat. Especially you."

Shepard grinned, but it vanished from his face. He didn't find anything funny lately. But he was done, and he stood up. "I'm hitting the showers."

She watched him go, thought about joining him. They had spent the night together often. A source of much gossip among the crew, but largely inaccurate gossip. They hadn't done anything more than keep each other company since the night before they invaded the Collector Base.

Didn't mean she didn't enjoy the view. She went to the door and sat on the edge of the sink for a while as the room filled with steam.

He didn't say anything. It was longer than he'd ever let a silence last before.

"Want to talk about it?" She asked him finally.

"No." Shepard said shortly.

Jack nodded. "Wanna go blow something up?"

"Been there, done that."

Jack kicked herself. "Wanna go get a tattoo?"

"No."

"Wanna go get drunk?"

He stepped out of the shower, and she handed him a towel. "Not in the mood."

"Oh come on, John; gimmie something here!" She exploded. "I'm the one that growls out one word answers. You're the one that makes people feel better. Give me a break, I don't have a clue what I'm doing!"

Shepard snorted. "You're doing fine."

They were silent a while. Shepard went back to his room, looked out the window. She pulled out a flask she'd stashed under his mattress and poured him a drink, slugging one of her own straight back from the flask.

She came over and joined him, put the glass in his hand, and hugged him from behind, splaying her hands over his chest. "What are you thinking?"

"You know what I'm thinking." Shepard answered, sipping his drink. "You think I could have saved them?"

"If you hadn't done it, they still would have died when the Reapers came through. They were right there on the Relay's front doorstep. They would have been the first victims." Jack looked at him shrewdly. "And you're smart enough to know that."

Shepard went back to staring out the window. "Yeah... but that's not..."

Jack didn't say anything. She just waited. Shepard tried to be unreadable, but he was such a compulsive good guy, he couldn't help himself.

Shepard stared out the window. "You think I could have saved Samara or Zaeed?"

Boom. There it was.

Jack took the glass out of his hand and threw back the last of the drink. "I'm still amazed you could save  _any_ of us."

Shepard stared out the window. "Back on earth, I spent every night staring up at the stars. We were little more than rats, scurrying through cities, scraping for food. Stars were always there though. I thought that was nice."

"And now?"

"I hate them." Shepard said simply. "I hate the stars. I work on spaceships, and I hate to see the stars. All my problems came from those stars."

Jack didn't have an answer to that. Not a good one anyway. Instead she reached out and took his hand. "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"My room." Jack said. "It's got a bed, and no windows. No stars."

Shepard followed her without speaking.

* * *

Jack sat him down on the edge of the bed. He hadn't said anything on the walk, and the crew had given them plenty of room. Nobody wanted to get in the Captain's face after the week he'd had, and nobody wanted to cross paths with Zero... ever.

Even when he was sitting down, he didn't look at her. He seemed so... disconnected. Like he was a million miles away. Jack slid her fingers into his jacket, slipped it off his shoulders. She tossed the jacket away, and put her arms around him, hugging his face to her stomach. After an eternity, he brought his arms up to hold her to him.

"You can't fix this." Shepard stressed. "You can't just  _fix_  this, Jack."

Jack couldn't help but smirk at the irony.  _Now I know what it feels like._

"I tried to kill you for helping me once, but you did it anyway." She said quietly. "You had to know... I mean, maybe I can't undo any of what happened, but you couldn't undo any of what happened to me. You stuck around anyway."

Shepard stared at her. "Yeah. I guess so."

Jack licked her lips. "So... how do I do this? I've never... been the one on this side of a hug before. What do I do?"

Shepard laughed bitterly. "I don't know."

Jack rocked on her heels a little. "Tali... She loves you. I mean, in the thoroughly disgusting, romantic comedy, animated musical sense of the word."

Shepard pulled back enough that he could look up at her in confusion. "Okay?"

Jack bit her lip and backed away from him, breaking contact. "She knows... I mean, she's been one of the goodie goodie types a lot longer than I have. If you need some time with someone like that? Maybe I should just let her... let you... I would understand."

"No." Shepard said. "You don't have to know what to say. I don't think there is anything. Tali... is a sweetheart, and I love her too, but she would try too hard. Know what I mean?"

Jack did. When there was nothing to say, saying anything would make it so much worse.

"Can I stay here tonight?" Shepard asked quietly.

 _Strange..._ Jack though to herself. _He's never needed me before. Nobody ever needed me before._

The thought struck her in full and the panic hit. It was the same terror that hit her like a wave whenever they got close. The sudden spike of fear shut down her brain. It was like she was back in the Teltin Arena again. _Don't think, just act. You think, you die!_

She jumped back, shoved him away from her as hard as she could, and ran for it.

* * *

Usually, when she wigged out, she would make it all the way back to her hidey-hole. But now she was running away from The Pit. She sure as sin wasn't going to hide out in his room.

Instead, she went up to the Mess Hall.

Gardner saw her coming and started preparing a tray before she got within twenty feet of him.

Jack noticed that her own food had improved dramatically since she started spending the night with Shepard. She'd hitchhiked her way on enough private and official starships to know that the crew went out of their way to make The Captain's Woman feel welcome on board.

These were not thoughts that helped her freakout.

"Evenin', Jack. Hungry?" Gardner said as she got closer.

"Naw. Not really." Jack admitted. "I ate Shepard's tray. He didn't seem particularly..."

"It happens." Gardner said out of experience. "I been cooking stuff for a dozen different warships. I see what happens to people's appetites on the bad days."

Jack nodded. "Never bothered me. I eat when I get food, if I'm hungry or not; and I don't ask how my mood is."

"Speaking as the guy who has to clean the trays, I wish you would. Speaking as the guy who cooks the food, I'm glad to hear it."

Jack chuckled despite herself. "So. What do you eat?"

"Leftovers. I usually cook up whatever scraps don't fit on everyone's tray. The Chef's standard special is-"

"Pot-luck stew." Jack said it with him.

Jack nodded. "I hitch-hiked on a scrap freighter once. Hung out with the kitchen hands because I couldn't stand the rest of the crew. Cook there made a fantastic pot-luck stew every night."

"Every night?"

"He had a secret ingredient." Jack explained. "Grain alcohol."

Gardner laughed. "How is it upstairs? Above decks?"

Jack shrugged. "I don't know, they don't tell me things."

"Come on."

Jack felt her nerves fraying again, for some reason she couldn't define. "It's... quiet. Everyone's walking on eggshells up there."

Gardner nodded. "It trickles down. The crew follows the Captain. It's like that on every ship. The crew sees it, figures that's how the Captain wants his ship run, and they make it happen. Get a good Captain, you get a good crew."

Jack shivered. "What do we do?"

"Do?"

"They'll hang him for this." Jack said. "What do we do?"

"I don't know."

The crazy was building again. She had a thousand different thoughts fighting for first position in her brain, and they were impossible to control. She could feel them building up behind her eyes. She was losing it. Her eyes strayed to the knives in Gardner's workspace. Most of them were clean. Cerberus trained their guys pretty good. The knives were bound to be sharp. It would make the crazy stop for a second, keep the pressure in her head from...

 _No._  She told herself.  _You don't cut yourself any more. He doesn't need to go stressing about you too._

Gardner hadn't seemed to notice. "Tell you one thing though, they call him back... he'll go. They try any of that crap about how the Reapers don't exist, there are at least eight people on this ship alone that won't let them pin the blame on him."

The pressure eased instantly, becoming cold and still. "I'm one of them" Jack said finally, not aware that she spoke.

Gardner just smirked easily, like he knew she'd say that.

* * *

Miranda checked the door was locked, steeled herself and activated the message. The Asari from the Illium Clinic spoke smoothly and sympathetically.

"Miss Lawson. As per your request for privacy, this message will be removed from our database upon confirmation of send integrity. While we cannot firmly attribute the cause of the benign neoplasm to the irregularity in your genetic makeup, we can confirm that the progressive damage renders you unable to conceive a child. About 12 percent of human women ages 18-54 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant according to data obtained-"

Miranda noticed a slight reflection in her view-screen and hit pause instantly. The Operative spun, and her perfect lips parted for a moment in shock. "How much of that did you hear?" She demanded swiftly

"I wasn't listening." Jack said indifferently. "You got a minute?"

Miranda blinked. Jack had never sought her out for anything less than full blown Vendetta before. "What can I do for you, Jack?"

"We gotta have a plan." Jack said plainly. "I suck at plans. Cerberus got plans, and we gotta have a plan."

Miranda blinked. "You're coming to me for help?"

Jack growled low in her throat. "Can we not make a huge f-"

Miranda pressed a button on her console. "Hey, Oriana? Jack's asking for my help!"

Blue fire flashed for a moment as Jack reined herself in. "ENOUGH!"

"Bye sis, I have to go help Jack." Miranda needled.

Jack got up and stormed for the door. "This was a mistake."

"What do you want me to say?" Miranda called after her softly, and Jack stopped without turning. "First of all, he  _blew up_  a Relay. Second of all... I don't even have a second of all, Jack; he blew up a  _Relay_."

Jack understood the point. Wars came and went, species rose and died out, empires collapsed and conquered; even the stars could die. But the Mass Effect Relay System had to go on. If it took another ten thousand years for any civilization to restore itself, they needed the Relay; and so did any one of a thousand other races or independents that traveled the stars. If you had to choose between a billion lives and a Relay, you didn't choose to save the people.

Shepard had lost both.

Jack sighed. "Look. We got people, we got guns, we got a bad-ass ship, we know he did the right thing. It comes down it it, let them try and take him." Blue fire flashed again. "Just let them  _try_."

Miranda glared. "I would expect that from you. I know it may be hard for you, but think about this for a second. He hasn't been recalled yet. He hasn't been charged. There's no way to know how a trial would turn out... And he may not  _want_  us to break him out."

"What?" Jack was confused by that one. "Why wouldn't he want out?"

"Because if he gets dragged into a court martial, he'll be tried as an Alliance Soldier. Those are his people. He's a soldier. He won't want us burning through his fellow soldiers. Not for him. Not for anything. Plus... he might want to... Jack, he  _did_  do it. He's one of the good guys. Getting away with it might just be the harder option. He may want to face the music."

Jack just stared. "But... we won't let that happen, right?"

"I don't know." Miranda sighed. "What does he think?"

"He hasn't told me anything." Jack said. "He talk to you?"

"No." Miranda admitted. "This is probably going to get worse before it gets better."

"Usually does." Jack admitted, and rose to leave.

"Jack?" Miranda called. "How did you get in here? My desk faces the door. How..."

Jack grinned cruelly. "A lot of people wonder that. Most of them, it's the last thing they think."

Miranda bit her lip. "Seriously, how much did you hear?"

Jack didn't smile, didn't soften. "Cerberus, if you think that I want to spend any more time thinking or talking about you than absolutely necessary, you're out of your daddy's personally designed Frankenstein's monster of a brain. I came in here looking for a mastermind, and instead I got you."

The message was there. She'd heard everything, and wasn't going to talk. Miranda looked furious, and relieved at the same time. "Get the hell out."

* * *

Jack came back downstairs to her room. Shepard wasn't there. She went back up to his room. He had locked the door again. It stopped her for three whole seconds.

He was in bed, on top of the covers, with his hands behind his head. He was lying on his back, though his eyes were closed. Jack slid her boot off and climbed in next to him, taking her usual position under his arm. Shepard lowered his arms around her and held her to him.

Jack relaxed into it and hugged him back, nuzzling into his collarbone.  _Now this, I know how to do._

"Stay here tonight?" He offered quietly.

Jack didn't bother to answer. She just settled in. The night before Omega 4 had been... healing. Like he had been drawing poisons up from deep inside her with his touches, and then taking it away from her skin with his kisses. But the old wounds ran deep, and they had done little more since that night. Jack wondered sometimes if that was normal. She would have been amazed if it was.

"I'm sorry about before. Running out like that." Jack said finally. "...uh, I don't really know why I did."

"S'okay." Shepard said quietly. "Jack?"

"Hm?"

"You came out of the stars too."

The panic came back swiftly, and she summoned all the will she had not to run for it again, focusing all her energy on keeping herself still. He didn't say anything more. He had to know, the way she turned to stone in his arms. He didn't comment on it, and she didn't say anything in response. But eventually, she relaxed. She writhed against him gently, being very comfortable, while his hand stoked up and down her spine gently.

But they didn't sleep. They couldn't. The fear that had choked the entire ship into silence and nervousness extended to them in this room as well.

"You know what the worst part is?" Shepard whispered finally.

Jack shivered. It was the first thing either of them had said in hours. "What?"

"When I saw the Relay blow, and I knew the colony had been destroyed... I was relieved."

Jack nodded. "Sure. Reapers weren't coming any more."

Shepard nodded. "Yeah." He lifted his hand from her back and rubbed his eyes. "Just so many... sacrifices. Just one after another. Kaiden, Samara, Zaeed, Eden Prime, Normandy... My life, my job... Half the crew, most of the Horizon Colony... God, even A-" Shepard shut himself up real quick.

Jack said it for him. "Ashley. Even Ashley."

Shepard looked down. "Sorry."

Jack grit her teeth, and struggled not to let it show. "It was before we met, can't really be jealous."

Shepard just looked at her.

"Okay, I'm jealous." Jack confessed. "I wasn't before, and I am now, and I just... don't really understand why."

Long silence.

"I do." He said softly, and put a gentle kiss on the top of her head. "S'okay. I feel the same way."

He slept then at last. Jack didn't. It took her a full three hours to figure out what he meant. By that time it was Reveille.

* * *

Jack came into the laboratory, and waited for Mordin to look up.

She waited a long time. "Hey?" She said finally. "Am I invisible?"

"Sorry. Busy. Trying to determine how scale itch got onto Normandy, sexually transmitted disease only carried by varren." He looked up from his scope. "Implications... unpleasant."

Jack blinked. "Yeah. Unpleasant. Look, I was wondering... you ever keep any scans of me? I know you got some after we blew out of Purgatory, but did you ever get any here? EDI scans us every time we come back from some planet."

"Standard protocol. Airlock procedures. Check for pathogens. Cross infection in close quarters very dangerous. Scale itch proof of that."

"Do you, or Cerberus, or anybody keep any of it?"

"EDI has a record. Cerberus controls have been removed. May be external backup from prior to Omega 4 Mission."

"But you don't have it?" Jack pressed.

"Not CMO. Crew not my Patients. Laboratory mine. Medical records not."

"Right..." Jack murmured. "Chakwas is the Doctor."

She stalked out without another word.

* * *

"You've never show interest before." Chakwas said carefully. "In fact, you seem to avoid me like the plague."

"Not you." Jack corrected. "Just this room. The techs back at Teltin all wore Cerberus colors, not Lab Coats; you're fine." Jack avoided the Medbay as a rule. Clinics and needles and medical equipment just brought up too many bad memories.

But Chakwas was a natural caretaker. "Jack... If you want an answer, I'd have to get you on the scanner."

Jack looked at the medical scanner like it was about to attack her, but she squared her shoulders and lay back on the bed. The machine hummed to life and Jack felt the pressure building again from the sudden panic. She often wondered if it would make her head explode if she didn't do anything to blow off steam.

"When was the last time you were examined by a Doctor?" Chakwas asked kindly, working the scanner.

"After the hellhole?" Jack guessed, trying to distract herself. "Um... there was a medic once when I was a kid, after my first job. The doc who checked me out was working out of a back alley on Omega. There wasn't a hospital that would accept him. I went back to him a couple of times when i needed bullets taken out."

Chakwas snorted in professional disdain. "Well, let's see if I can do better. We're done, you can get up."

Jack nearly levitated off the bed.

Chakwas turned to the console and started working through the results. "Are you experiencing any symptoms?"

"No."

"Any injuries? Sparring with Garrus or something?"

"No." Jack repeated.

"Then be honest with your doctor, my dear." Chakwas drawled. "What brings you by the Medbay?"

"Figured fifteen years was long enough to wait between check-ups." Jack waved that off. She told herself she wasn't competing with Miranda. Really, she wasn't.

Chakwas just glanced up from her screen and gave her a look.

"Yeah, okay." Jack shrugged. "Got to think about the future sometimes. Eventually. I never wanted any... well, anything normal. Just thought I should find out if..."

"Well, I'm afraid that your original diagnosis was accurate. There is... significant internal dysfunction. Looks like it was done chemically. Probably put in with whatever drugs they gave you. The chemical markers are still in your bloodstream, which suggests it was prolonged exposure, suffered at a young age... And it has likely rendered you infertile."

"I figured." Jack said, unconcerned. "I never learned about... All the things I've done; I figured if I hadn't popped a kid out by now, the reason would be that I couldn't."

"The good news, is that it is reversible. At least partially. Any chemical has a counter agent. I don't know what they used, but it looks like they wanted it to be possible to undo this particular... modification."

"Sure." Jack said crassly. "They probably wanted to breed me once they were done tinkering."

"Well, I don't know what a counter-agent would be yet, and having spent so long away from their control... We get a blood sample, and maybe Mordin could synthesize something. It might not help, but it raises the odds from 0% to as much as 35%." Chakwas tilted her head a bit. "If you like, I could..."

"No." Jack said immediately. "Did... did you ever tell Shepard? That I came to see you before Omega 4?"

"No, my dear girl, or course not. Patient data is kept strictly confidential. Even on warships. I'm not Cerberus either; I would never tell. That's rule number one."

Jack nodded. "Good."

"I'm sorry, was that a Thank You?" Chakwas raised and eyebrow. "Because you're welcome."

Jack looked down. Chakwas was just one of those people you wanted to be polite to. You just couldn't snap at them.

The elder lady looked carefully at Jack's face. "Did you want him to know?"

"No." Jack said quickly. "I talked to Mordin. Nothing came up in my Tox scan. I don't have anything he could catch."

"If it's something you're worried about, then you should probably talk to him about it. If you're worried about that, then I could offer an alternative. If you like, I could note Shepard as your next-of-kin." Chakwas offered. "At least, while you're on board. Lots of the crew have him listed as having authority over them if they cannot make the decision themselves. If you said yes, I would be able to keep him fully apprised. He'd be able to make decisions if you were incapacitated."

Jack was actually tempted for a microsecond, before she leveled her sub-zero gaze on the Doctor. "Why should I?"

"Come now dear, don't think for a second I don't know what's going on."

Jack looked down. "It's complicated."

"It always is. That much at least is perfectly normal about you."

Jack snorted. "You've... known Shepard. Longer than I have."

"Longer than anyone here. Including Joker." Chakwas agreed.

Jack went still. "I could ask you stuff, couldn't I?"

"Ask me."

Jack struggled to put it into words. "What should I be doing right now?"

The older woman sighed. "I don't know. He's hard to read. He's one of those people that would meet a stranger in the street and spend a day sorting out their deepest troubles, just for the experience that came of helping someone. Somebody like that doesn't accept help easily. Shepard never puts his problems on others. In fact, there have been very few people that he shares his own burdens with."

Jack went still.

"But, why don't you ask me what you really want to ask me?" Chakwas shot back.

 _Ashley._  Jack thought. _How would Ashley help him if she was here?_

Jack started to ask...

...and ran out of the room, flipping Chakwas off as she did so.

She felt sort of bad about doing that.

* * *

He didn't sleep the next night either. Jack woke up twice from a light doze as he shifted. "Can't sleep?"

"Nope."

Jack reached over and pulled a packet out of her boot. "I swiped a few sleeping pills from Chakwas today. Figured you might need them."

"Jack..."

"You've had five hours sleep in three days." Jack interrupted. "I know. I was here. I counted. John, you can't keep that up. You're going to start having hallucinations; and if someone figures out what to do with you, you're gonna need your brain in gear."

Shepard sighed, and swallowed the pills dry. "Thanks, Jack."

"You didn't need to have someone hook you up, y'know." Jack drawled, settling in next to him. "It's your ship. You need a sleeping pill, you ask for one."

"I've never used them." Shepard admitted. "Had to sleep light to survive back on Earth. And in the Alliance. When I needed sleep... I just found a place. Back at boot, half of us learned how to sleep while standing at attention."

Jack smirked. "When you're hungry, eat. When you're tired, sleep. Survivor's law."

"Survivor's Lawwwww..." Shepard slurred, the pills doing their job. He was asleep soon after.

* * *

A few hours later, she spoke again. "John?" She whispered. "You awake?"

Shepard didn't move, didn't answer. His breathing was slow and regular.

"I mean it. If you're awake, tell me now" Jack whispered, a little louder.

Shepard was still asleep, breathing slow and deep.

Jack bit her lip, eyes wide with panic, body frozen still.  _Just do it!_ She told herself. _Just this once!_

Jack took in a deep shaky breath, as quietly as she could. "I love you." She whispered, barely loud enough to hear it herself. She rolled her head up to look at his face. He hadn't woken up.

Smiling in relief, Jack nuzzled into his chest and let herself breathe again.

But she couldn't sleep. She couldn't shake the feeling that she'd done something terribly wrong. Like she'd crossed a line she couldn't uncross.

* * *

"You think about the future much, Garrus?" Jack asked as the Turian wrapped her knuckles with bandages.

"As much as any soldier." The Turian said, finishing the job and stepping back into the cargo bay. It was a large flat space, and since the battle at the Collector's Base had vented half their cargo into space, it was empty enough for a practice room. "I try not to think too far past the next battle. It's bad luck."

"Me too." Jack said, and dropped instantly, sweeping her leg out under his. Garrus dropped and rolled with it, coming back to his feet. The two of them were pretty evenly matched. He was more skilled, but she was a lot more nimble.

Garrus's hand flashed out, and Jack reared back, just as he planned her to do, and she suddenly found herself smacking into the floor.

"Why do you ask?" Garrus asked coolly as she got to her feet.

"Well... Chakwas said something yesterday..."

"What?"

Jack shook her head. "No, never mind."

"Hey, you brought it up."

 _Yeah, you did_. Jack told herself. "The Doc asked if I wanted to put someone down as Next-of-Kin. In case... If something ever happened to me, someone would get to make the call. To pull the plug or not, things like that."

Garrus nodded. "Yeah. I've got Shepard down as mine. Jacob has Miranda... Just makes sense, y'know? Our kind of life isn't easy or safe."

She lunged, getting her hands at his throat. Garrus grasped her elbows instantly, and broke the hold. She responded by planting a knee in his chest and throwing herself backward, pulling him off his feet before he could release his grip on her arms. Garrus was neatly flipped over.

Jack shrugged as he got back up. "I've never had anyone make choices like that for me. I mean... well, look at me. Nobody gets this much ink because they care how it'll look when they get old and wrinkly. I always figured if I couldn't make the call myself, I'd be better off dead. Now…"

Garrus was smiling at her.

Jack tensed. She wasn't used to people smiling at her. "What?"

"Nothing just... back when you first came on board, you would have killed anyone who suggested such a thing." He was teasing her, in that slow deadpan drawl, as only Garrus could. "You're all grown up. It's adorable."

Beat.

Jack threw him into the wall with a flash of blue fire, and an unholy shriek of demented rage.

By the time Garrus woke up, Jack was long gone.

* * *

She reviewed her week, and felt like gagging. She was talking about her living arrangements with Tali, Miranda was drafting her to help make Shepard eat and discussing plans, she was swapping recipes with Gardner; Chakwas was asking her for her next-of-kin, Garrus had become a confidant... She was part of the regular poker game with the engineering crew! How did this happen to her?

 _You're happier with him._  She told herself.  _It's like you're new, but still the same. You're... more, when you're with him. Screw that. You're better with all of them._

 _So what?_  She raged at herself.  _Even if you want... this. Look in a mirror, Zero. You don't belong here. What do you think is going to happen? Are you going to meet his mom? Have kids? Hold hands and go to the movies?_

 _That's not his life, either._  She told herself.  _If you stayed with him... There'd be more of this. More war, more battle... and arms to hold you after. Something you never had before._

She'd screwed up. She had fallen in love. She didn't do that. Subject Zero was a death dealer, not a girlfriend. Barely a girl. She'd come close to this feeling only once, and people had died as a direct result. She wasn't going to do that again. Not to him, and not to herself.

She was already marching.

* * *

She didn't stop marching till she'd reached The Captain's Quarters. She worked the lock so fast she barely paused.

He was staring out the window again. She came in at a quick walk, and crossed the room. He turned to look at her. "Y'know, you could just knock. It's not like I'd refuse to let-"

She took his face between her hands and kissed him passionately, making it as soft, and long and soulful as she possibly could. He responded quickly. She shook off her nerves. She knew more about killing people than she did about giving someone she really cared about a genuine, slow, meaningful kiss.

She slid her hands to his shoulders and pulled him in closer, pouring as much emotion as she possibly could into the merging of their lips.

After a thousand years, they broke apart for air.

"I should have done that days ago." She whispered in his ear. "I should have done what you did John; you couldn't fix me, but you saved me." She pulled him in for another loving kiss. "I should have done this for you too."

"It's..."

"So help me, John; if you say that 'its okay', I'm leaving and this night will not have the ending you might prefer."

"Yes Ma'am."

Jack pulled him in close, pressing her whole body against his, and she led him back slowly toward the bed. She poured every bit of affection she could into the next kiss as she slid his jacket off. It was their first time since Omega 4, and the first time his emotions were more raw and confused than hers were.

It was the only way she could think of to say goodbye.

* * *

Jack slipped out from his side late that night. He was sleeping peacefully. More peacefully than he had since That Day. More peacefully than he had with sleeping pills. He seemed... calmer. Better.

Jack let out a breath, feeling like she'd helped him out in some way. It was the best she could had hoped for; given who she was.

But he had been staring at the ceiling enough nights that he didn't wake up as she crept over to his desk, and started tapping out a message.

* * *

_Dear John..._

* * *

Jack deleted that one right away. No.

* * *

_Shepard._

_Never have I ever cared about anyone. I don't have a single happy memory that doesn't have you in it. That's the problem._

* * *

Jack deleted that one. No.

* * *

_Shepard._

_I wouldn't inflict me on my worst enemy, but somehow that doesn't seem to bother you, so..._

* * *

Jack deleted that one. No.

* * *

_Shepard._

_I can't believe I'm doing this to you now. But that's the thing about wild ones. You try to take in a feral and they bite..._

* * *

Jack deleted that. No.

 

* * *

_Shepard._

_I hate everything. I hate everything and everybody. I hate the whole universe. I hate people I haven't even met, just on principle. And I hate myself more than all the rest of it put together._

_But, I love you._

* * *

No. She deleted that quickly. It was all true, but way more honest that she was willing to be. If he read that. he'd move the stars to find her again.

* * *

_Shepard._

_Remember I wrote a poem once? I've written four more since meeting you. Love makes us all poets._

* * *

Oh,  **HELL**  no. Jack deleted that one twice.

Who said she even needed to leave a note? Who said she had to say anything? She'd warned him. She'd done it clearly. She'd said to him plain and simple: They had no future. He said he was okay with that. If he was lying, then it was his fault. If he expected more, then it was his fault.

_You can't just leave without a goodbye._

_Why not?_

_Same reason you're leaving._

Jack grit her teeth, hating herself fiercely.  _Come on. Be a grown up about this._

_If you were being a grown up about this, you wouldn't be leaving._

_You're talking to yourself, you crazy bitch; do you know that?_

_Oh shut up; you knew it'd happen eventually._

Jack took a breath, and pretended she was the sort of person who could be rational about things.

* * *

Shepard woke up and felt cold. It took him a moment to realize that she was gone. She usually left before Reveille, but he almost always woke up when she left. This time he slept through it.

Shepard rubbed his eyes, limbs feeling like lead. He hadn't slept more than a few hours since the day he blew the Relay up. It was no wonder he crashed.

The PA came on. "Reveille. Attention all personnel: it is now 0600. Reveille. Begin day watch. Night watch department heads make your reports to the duty officer of the day. First shift beings now."

Shepard reacted and checked his Omni-tool. He hadn't slept in, he didn't hear the shower running...

He had a new message waiting. Waking himself up, he opened it.

* * *

_Shepard_

_You better get back to Earth. The Batarians are howling for your blood, and after the whole mess with Cerberus, The Council is six inches from joining them. The only thing I can think of to set the record straight is to give them a chance at you, but where we can set the rules. You split from everything official after you... Died. We got some chatter that says you split from Cerberus too. I assume that means you did whatever it was you needed to do. Another thing you'll get the chance to make your case about._

_Shepard, I hate to be the bearer of bad news on this, but every controversial or criminal thing you've done since becoming a Spectre is easily justified by a coming invasion. Which would be fine, except that nobody has admitted it's coming._

_Get back to Earth, and make your case. Off the record, there are at least two members of the Council who believe you, and haven't said anything. If you can get some evidence, or at the very least some compelling testimony behind you on the record, we might be able to get them to speak._

_Hurry to Earth. I'll meet you there, and prepare you. Turn yourself over, and we can do this without warrants or handcuffs._

_Anderson._

* * *

Shepard read it twice and scrubbed his face hard. "EDI?"

"Yes Commander?"

"Tell Tali I need a full damage report in the Conference Room, and tell Joker to prep for Relay Jump to Sol System."

"Understood." EDI responded. "Is everything okay?"

Shepard blinked. Even the AI was trying to get inside his head today. "Fine. Just fine."

* * *

Tali was waiting for him when he arrived. "You wanted to speak to me?"

"We've got a destination. It's at least three Relay Jumps from here. What's you best guess?"

"Collectors tore a few strips out of us, but it could have been worse. She's tore up along the ventral plating, but nothing external that we can't live with. Most of our supplies got destroyed in the cargo bay, so we may need to restock. Energy dampeners and couplings can handle one jump, but not three. We'll have to replace them, or rework the power grid. Either will take a few weeks. Are we going somewhere we can land for a full refit?"

"Earth has the shipyards to do it, but I don't know if we'll be welcome there." Shepard admitted.

Long silence. The whole crew had been waiting for a response to what had happened. The news that they were finally going somewhere would decide what that response would be. If they were handing Shepard over to prevent a war, they would be heading for the nearest Batarian colony. A trial before the Council meant going to the Citadel... If the Captain had to run for his life, they could be going anywhere.

"We're going to Earth?" Tali said gently. "Is that... wise?"

"Almost certainly not." Shepard responded. "But I have no choice. It's the only way to head off a major interstellar incident, possibly a war."

"They'll stop that by pinning the whole thing on you!" Tali exploded. "Shepard, I know this better than most. Politics trumps truth and justice!"

"There's another reason!" Shepard insisted. "If the Reapers do catch us by surprise, it won't be because I didn't warn everyone I could."

Tali's head tilted. "John... I don't want what happened to me to happen to you. You saved me then... I can't return the favor. I worry about you."

Shepard gave the kid a soft look, and held her hand. "I know you do. Tali, you've been on my crew longer than most. You've grown into a very remarkable woman. You're not the kid on Pilgrimage I met years ago. But you've traveled with me enough to know that the stakes are a lot higher than my future. If I can help... I wouldn't be the first to lose something because of what's coming. And those that have made sacrifices already... they lost more than I will under the worst case scenario."

Tali looked down, squirming a little under his look. "We can get replacement parts faster if we go black market. I know a few places on Omega."

"Omega?" Shepard repeated. "When were you ever on Omega?"

"During my Pilgrimage. And when we picked up Mordin. Remember? We met a few Quarians in the scrap shops. I kept in touch with them."

Shepard smiled broadly for the first time all week. "Tali, you've been hanging around with a bad crowd."

"This from the man sleeping with Jack." Tali drawled.

Shepard chuckled and gave her hand a squeeze.

* * *

Omega was like her. It was dark, and it was dangerous, and it was vicious, and it held back nothing. You took your life in your hands when you went for a walk, and you could either be taking a random stranger home for a one night stand, or having a knife-fight within the hour. Respect was the rule. Respect, respect, respect. You see the other guy, you see the rifle on his back, you give him a wide berth.

And not one of them made so much as eye contact with Jack.

Jack liked that about Omega.

* * *

"Commander?"

Shepard keyed his omni-tool. "Go ahead, Tali."

"The parts have been installed, the stores have been restocked. We can leave whenever you're ready. Jack isn't back yet. Said she had some things to pick up. I let her go, since we got a 10% discount thanks to her intimidating manner."

Shepard smirked. "Good to know. Thanks, Tali."

Shepard checked his messages. One from Wrex, telling him that if he needed Sanctuary to avoid being shot, Clan Urdnot would be happy to have him. A message from Liara, sending along whatever evidence might back him up when his trial began...

A message from Jack, marked as 'Time-Delayed' and 'Personal'. He glanced around, and opened it.

* * *

_John._

_You make me better. And somehow... that doesn't scare me as much as I think it should. But I can't. I'm sorry, but I just can't. I keep telling you that you can't fix me. Even if you could, I don't think I'm ready to be fixed. I think I never will be._

_Don't wait for me. You shouldn't expect to see me again. It's a big galaxy, maybe we will, but I told you we would kill each other by now._

_In a way, you're lucky. Most guys who roll the dice on me get a bullet, or a social disease. You have my thanks; for everything you've done for me... And everything that you would have done, if I stayed._

_Please don't try to find me._

_Jack_

* * *

Shepard read it twice. He felt his shoulders slump, but he wasn't surprised. He knew it was coming. She had told him so enough times. It would be stupid to be surprised by this, let alone... No. He wasn't surprised, so he shouldn't be upset.

Right?

"Good luck, Jack." He whispered. Clearing his throat, he keyed the comm. "All hands: Prepare for departure."

Kelly was waving. "Commander?"

Shepard left his private terminal and crossed the galaxy map to her. "Yes, Kelly?"

"We can't leave yet. We don't have our full crew aboard."

Shepard sighed, but swallowed it. "Who are we missing?" He knew the answer.

"Just Jack. She hasn't signed in, but that's nothing unusual."

"Jack's not coming." Shepard said plainly. "Ready the ship for take-off."

Kelly looked downright alarmed. "Yessir."

* * *

She didn't look back. Not at the ship, not at the windows, not at her memories.

Even over the constant roar of the dark Omega streets, she heard the sound of the engines. The familiar engines. She was relieved. If he came after her... she couldn't have handled it. It would have been ugly. He was like that. He always knew what she needed; even when she didn't.

* * *

There was no shortage of places one could hole up for the night in Omega. It was relatively easy to drive a few Bloodpack thugs out of a room in the slums. Batarian food wasn't exactly food, but it wouldn't kill her. She ate it, trying not to think about Gardner's Pot-Luck stew.  _When you get food, eat._

She stretched out on a cot wrapped in sheets that hadn't been cleaned in months, and she ignored the smell of urine and blood.  _When you get the chance, sleep._

She slid a hand over to the other side of the cot. The sheets were cold. Of course they were cold. She was alone.

She let herself cry then. Just a little. Once upon a time, she had no tears left. Shepard had changed that. Jack didn't even try to force them back now. She didn't know if she was growing up at last, or just jaded in some new way.

She wasn't scared of her tears any more.


	3. Welcome Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You Jack/Shep shippers out there will probably looking to lynch me by the end of this chapter. In advance, I say thee: RELAX! Plenty of Story to Go, and unlike the first time I posted these chapters, the ending is written.
> 
> ME1/2 LI triangles and relationships in general were a major part of the ME3 storyline, and I wanted to include that once I decided to keep going from ME3 to ME3.
> 
> To do that, I had to make it a legitimate triangle between the three of them, especially as Ash is the anti-Jack. Ashley was mentioned, but absent from the fic thus far, so I had to bring her back and balance the scales.

The Sol System Relay was out beyond Pluto. Even after arriving back in Home System, it took several hours to get to Earth. Shepard had sent the necessary codes to allow them passage through the defenses.

The Global Defense Net had registered them the second they came through the Relay, and the fleet had taken more than a few close looks at the Normandy. A ship that was declared lost years before.

"Good thing we painted over the Cerberus logo, huh?" Joker commented.

"Yeah." Shepard said quietly. "We got the wreckage?"

"In the shuttle."

"The gun camera footage?"

"Uploaded to your omni-tool." EDI promised.

"All right. I better get ready to go." Shepard said. "Keep the ship in a high orbit, outside the fleet range."

"Yessir."

* * *

Miranda kept pace with him as he headed for the shuttle-bay.

"I'll do my best to stay in contact, but I have no idea what's going to happen once I land. If they come after you, you turn this ship around and get outta here."

"No promises."

"Miranda, I'm serious. The ship is yours. I'd tell you to keep her together till I get back, but I know I don't have to."

"Here." Miranda handed him a sheet of vacuum sealed tablets. "Sleeping pills."

"Never use them."

"Shepard, have you slept more than an hour since Jack left?"

The Commander leveled her with a glare. She glared right back. "I need to know." She said simply. "This is going to be bad enough. There are only so many fronts you can fight a war on, and I don't want your own fatigue to be one of them."

Shepard sighed and took the packet.

"You're sure you want to do this?" Miranda asked quietly. "Once you leave the ship... There's no reason you have to go back."

"I'm sure." Shepard said. "If the only way to shine a spotlight on what happened to the colonies, to say nothing of the Reapers, is to raise my right hand and make a public spectacle... then it's worth it. The ship is yours."

* * *

Vancouver was the Alliance base of Operations, with it's military spaceport and Command in Control Center. Shepard had called ahead to Anderson and given him a landing time. He was expecting a welcoming committee to be waiting with a warrant, but when he landed the shuttle, he was surprised to find only one or two figures running out to the landing pad to meet him.

Shepard stepped off the shuttle and nearly walked into a mountain. The soldier that met him was seven feet tall, easily, and as broad in the shoulder as a building. For a moment, Shepard was tempted to hide in the shuttle just on principle. He was intimidating to say the least, even for a man who killed a Thresher Maw on foot, alongside a Krogan. Then the soldier gave an easy smile and saluted, a movement that showed off more muscle than any seven people, and Shepard returned it on reflex alone. "Commander John Shepard."

"Lieutenant James Vega." The gorilla responded. "We've been expecting you."

_And this is my welcoming committee?_  Shepard thought, despite himself.  _They want to beat a confession out of me?_

Then Vega stepped aside, and John realised how much worse it could be, as his  _real_  escort showed up.

"Ashley!" Shepard blurted before he could stop himself.

Ashley Williams came over, hair over her shoulders, wearing her full dress uniform. She looked… beautiful. She also looked like she had a foul taste in her mouth the second she saw him. He blinked. "What's wrong?"

"Commander John Shepard." Ashley said with grim formality. "Under the Authority of the Citadel Council, I hereby place you under arrest for war crimes against sentience. Please turn over any weapons you may be holding and follow me for your extradition hearing."

"Extradition to where?" Shepard asked in disbelief, passing his pistol to Vega.

"Earth." Williams explained simply. "Come on, we have to move fast. We were expecting you an hour ago."

"I parked my ship a bit further out. Part of me expected to be impounded if we came near the shipyards. Aren't we  _on_  earth?" Shepard blinked, suddenly quick-marching to keep up with the pace she set. Vega followed, moving faster than any man his size had a right to.

"Anderson wants to keep it that way. Where we are now has got nothing to do with it. The fact that you're surrendering has nothing to do with it. It's a question of jurisdiction."

Shepard understood swiftly. He was being arrested by a Council Operative. The Alliance was trying to get him back under their power for trial before the Citadel Races lynched him.

Anderson was waiting at the door the second they came off the landing pad, also in full dress uniform. "Spectre Williams, has the prisoner been cooperative?"

"He has." Ashley confirmed, pretending not to notice the shock on Shepard's face at him calling her a Spectre.

Anderson was more than an ally, he was a friend, and Ashley was more than that still. If the two of them were rushing him through this, then there was a reason to hurry.

Sure enough, the two of them led him straight to a Comm Room. Four familiar faces surrounded the podium holographicaly in a semi-circle.

The Citadel Council.

It looked like Shepard had come in during the middle of a heated argument. The other screens visible showed the wreckage of a destroyed Mass Effect Relay, and unless someone else had blown one up this week, it was no secret what they were talking about.

"Oh, there you are." The Salarian member spat at Shepard in thinly veiled contempt. "Admiral, we demand that the prisoner be sent to the Citadel to face charges."

"No." Anderson said calmly.

"Admiral, you must see our position. The Commander is accused of destroying a Mass Effect Relay, to say nothing of hundreds of thousands of deaths. I'm sure that you wouldn't want to move Earth into a Pro-Shepard position."

The veiled threat was clear. If Earth backed Shepard, then the Council would hold earth accountable for everything he did. Given how tenuous humanity's position in the galaxy was at the best of times, that would be enough to have Earth kicked out of the Council, the Citadel…

"Commander Shepard is not here for our protection." Anderson responded. "We're making an application that John Shepard be tried here on Earth in an Alliance Court."

"Where he would  _have_  the full protection of his own people."

"Quite the contrary. That's why we wanted you to be 'present' for this." Anderson turned to Shepard. "Commander, you are hereby dishonourably discharged, pending a full investigation into alleged charges of genocide." He reached out and yanked Shepard's dog tags off.

The Commander, now a civilian, was reeling in eight different ways, but he didn't let it show. He didn't know what was happening here, and he hated it, but for now the other guy had the power, and he had to go with it. It wasn't the first time he'd had to do so. Waking up on the Cerberus Station with Miranda's voice telling him to run was the most out of control he'd ever felt. Until now.

"You are to be held in military detention pending your trial." Anderson continued. "You are to receive no visitors, have no communications with anyone. You are to cooperate fully with your interrogators, you are to remain in our custody, you have no liberty. Until your trial date is set and the rules of the court confirmed, you will have no counsel, you will remain under surveillance. You will be under the constant authority of the highest  _Council_  security."

The Council was trapped. They couldn't say the punishment was lenient. They couldn't say it wasn't true. Not without openly claiming corruption or rigged courts. They were politicians. They weren't about to declare themselves.

"Spectre Williams." Anderson said thickly. "Take this prisoner away."

* * *

Ashley marched him downstairs toward the brig. There were two other guards with them, plus James Vega, and they were unable to talk privately.

"Has the prisoner been searched?" Ashley asked.

"Not yet, Ma'am." Vega responded.

Ashley stepped into the cell before the door closed. "Hands on the wall. Now." She told Shepard.

Shepard assumed the 'search' position, and let her frisk him. He felt her lean in close and whisper so that they wouldn't be overheard. "Remember when we did this for fun?"

Shepard struggled not to laugh. He whispered back. "I have to warn my crew."

"If you make a call, it'll be monitored."

"Not if you make the call for me." He countered.

"Spectres have their share of enemies." Ashley whispered. "Alliance policy is to listen in on any contacts they make. A leftover rule from when there was no such thing as a human Spectre."

Shepard growled under his breath. "You'll have to go in person then."

* * *

There was a hushed silence on the Normandy again. Shepard had taken the shuttle down to earth alone, and then there was only silence. The crew was pacing around waiting for news.

Joker was keeping the ship in a high orbit, keeping an eye on the Planetary Defense Net and the assorted Alliance ships on patrol.

"The shuttle is returning to the ship, Jeff." EDI's dulcet voice murmured warmly into his ear. Since releasing her, she had become so much more... human.

"Any word from Shepard?" Miranda asked.

"The shuttle is not transmitting, but it is on a course that will bring it alongside for docking."

"But he hasn't called ahead..." Joker pointed out.

Miranda thought for a moment. "Alpha Team, report to the shuttle bay."

* * *

Shepard's hand-picked team of destruction personified were assembled with their weapons in reach when the shuttle locked it's landing gear. They were expecting an assault team, a warrant, Shepard himself coming back wounded and on the run...

When she stepped out of the shuttle, nobody knew how to react, except for Tali and Garrus.

"ASHLEY!" Tali blurted.

"Chief." Garrus breathed, already calculating what this meant.

She beamed, thrilled to see the old team. "Hey guys." She gave Tali a hug, shook Garrus' hand. "Well. Look at you two. Who is this woman and what did she do with young Tali?"

"Oh come on, I haven't grown that much." Tali mumbled, a little embarrassed.

"Hips don't lie; Miss Zorah." Ashley teased. She looked over Garrus, and the new scars on his face and armor. "Hmm. Hate to see the other guy."

"All fifteen of them." Garrus drawled. "What are you doing here?"

"Officially, I'm not here at all." She explained. "But Shepard asked me to give you a message. It's probably the last thing he'll be able to do for any of you."

Miranda stepped forward. "Miranda Lawson, Executive Officer."

Ashley looked the woman over, noted the Cerberus logo on her jumpsuit. "Shepard sent me. He's been arrested; pending his trial on the charge of war crimes."

The crew let out an assortment of curses and exclamations. It was what they expected, but they all hated to hear it.

"Briefing Room." Miranda said quickly. "Tell us everything."

* * *

Everyone was in attendance, including Joker and Chakwas, thrilled to see Ashley again, furious at the news.

"Right now he's being kept in military detainment. It's not as comfortable as it could be, but this is a very charged situation. Shepard can't be lost in the shuffle. They're going to keep him in solitary, and there will no doubt be more charges pressed. That includes you guys. Anderson is convinced that the trial will play out in a way that drags all humanity in the muck. Shepard has been the face of humanity to a lot of the galaxy since the battle of the Citadel. That's working against him now, because suddenly the face of humanity is considered a genocidal terrorist."

"So you know where he's being held?"

"Yes." Ashley said neutrally.

"How many guards?" Miranda demanded. "Does the facility have aerial defences?"

Beat.

"Ah." Ashley said carefully. "Well, this is awkward. Shepard didn't ask me to come and prepare a jailbreak."

"What then?"

"Well, Shepard knows it's only a matter of time before they bring up Cerberus. Once that happens, you'll all be named as conspirators in the destruction of a Relay and the deaths of a third of a million people. The ship will be locked down, the crew will be arrested... He wanted me to tell you to scatter. Get out now. While you can."

Beat.

Ashley spoke again, specifically to Miranda and Jacob. "This means you guys. You have Cerberus stamped on your uniforms, you better dissapear fast."

Silence.

"I'm staying." Joker said finally.

"Joker, I appreciate loyalty as much as any soldier." Ashley said seriously. "But that was a direct order you just blew off."

"If he's been arrested as a criminal, then I doubt he can give me orders any more. Besides, you idiots think I'm going to let anyone else fly Normandy?" Joker added.

"I'm staying as well." Chakwas said firmly.

"Shepard's orders were to scatter." Ashley repeated seriously.

"How long have we known each other, Chief?"

"Spectre now. And a long time, Doc."

"What are the odds I'm going to change my mind?" Chakwas demanded.

"Zero." Ashley conceded.

"Thank you."

"I'm staying too." Tali put in. "Normandy is more than my ship; it's my name. It's home."

"And me." Garrus added. "Tali and I aren't Cerberus. We aren't even human. It doesn't matter to us if they lock the ship; we're private citizens of other planets."

"Wait a second!" Ashley spluttered. "Shepard gave his orders!"

"How long have we known each other, Joker?" Garrus drawled.

"Yeah, they're staying too, Ash." Joker told Ashley.

A moment later Legion stood up, then Grunt, then Miranda and Jacob. Then Kelly and Daniels... Until the entire crew stood together with their absent leader.

Ashley smiled despite herself. "It's… just like old times, isn't it?"

"A little more so now than it was a week ago." Joker smiled at her.

"How is he?" Tali asked.

Ashley sighed. "I haven't seen him since they locked him up. I came straight here first chance I got after he turned himself over."

"What's your best guess?"

"Shepard has been a pain in the Council's collective ass since Saren, it got worse when he started singing the Gospel of the Reaper Invasion, and he's been a disaster for them since he… died. They are going to roast him slow and sure." Ashley said. "I have to get back before they notice I'm missing. I'm meant to be guarding him."

"Is that what they're calling it now?" Garrus drawled, as only he could.

Ashley knuckled his shoulder and headed for the shuttle-bay, Jacob escorting her. Kelly went too.

The second the door closed, Miranda spun on Tali and Garrus instantly. "Tell me everything you know about that woman."

"She was a soldier we picked up on the first Normandy mission." Tali explained. "She and Shepard got... close."

"How close?"

"Close enough we should be glad Jack isn't here." Garrus put in diplomatically.

"That would be a hull breach waiting to happen." Tali agreed.

"Did it end badly? Is she likely to want revenge against him?" Miranda asked.

"Technically, they didn't end it. You did." Tali shot back.

Miranda cursed under her breath. "I have to make a call."

"The Illusive Man?"

"No. The Shadow Broker."

* * *

Ashley climbed into the shuttle, when she heard a voice calling. "Waitwaitwait!"

It was Kelly Chambers, and she had a duffel bag over her shoulder. "Take this with you." She said. "It's Shepard's. After the first Normandy crashed, he started keeping a 'Go-Bag'. He said if the ship was about to crash and he had time to grab only one thing, he'd grab this bag."

"So help me, Cerberus; if you're trying to smuggle him a weapon, it's going to make things a hell of a lot worse for him than it will help."

"Personal effects only, I swear." Chambers nodded. "Your house is on fire, you can only grab one thing, why not have all the important stuff in one place?"

Ashley nodded and took the bag. "Chambers, I'm not kidding. Cerberus isn't popular. They're pro-human, and have done so illegally, sometimes violently. Humans killing aliens for the good of humans... it's very touchy right now. The others are Alliance, or Quarian, or Turian, or Krogan... But anyone wearing Cerberus uniform isn't worth a plug nickel right now. You gotta get out of here."

Chambers bit her lip. "I'll talk it over with them."

* * *

Shepard had been in the box for over eighteen hours. It was barely the width of the cot, which had neither pillow or padding. He stared at the ceiling for an hour before giving in and taking two of the damn pills. He slept on the shelf and woke up in stiff pain.

Then it got worse, as the lawyers started to arrive. A lot of them. He was taken out of his box under armed guard four times, and he told his story, beginning to end. He knew he was putting several of his crew in danger by tying them to him, but he'd discussed it with all of them on the journey, and they had all agreed. Those on the Normandy who doubted the sheer malevolence of the Reapers before Omega 4 had seen a newborn Reaper with their own eyes, felt the uncleanness of it looking at them, and they all agreed.

The warning had to go out, so Shepard told the whole story, the whole mission. It took hours, and as soon as he was done, they put him back in the box. He slept on his shelf again, fed on bread and water, and then they brought him out for a new set of investigators, and he told it to them all over again.

As bad as it was, he knew it would be worse when they decided on the rules for a trial. The cross-examination was going to be brutal.

Normandy made the cargo drop, including the shattered remains of the hunting drones from around the Collector Base. More than a few of them had made suicide runs against his ship during the fire-fight, and it was the closest thing to evidence they had.

Shepard had brought gun-camera footage from the Suicide Mission also, but the evidence of the actual Reaper had been lost in the escape.

After telling the story for the third time, he was escorted back to his cell. His guard, James Vega, had heard the whole story three times now, having been present in the interrogation room the whole time. It was clear that Vega believed him.

"After everything you've done, you'd think someone would say thank you." Vega said quietly.

"Be careful how loud you say that, soldier." Shepard said lightly. "It could cost you your career."

Vega snorted. "When the killing stops, the politics start."

_Well, if we're lucky, it'll always be that way._ Shepard thought silently to himself.  _The alternative is we're all dead when the dust settles._

His thoughts had a tendency to go dark lately. After seeing what happened to the colonists... It was hard not to think of that being ahead for all humanity. It was chilling and depressing and terrible and it was the one thought he could not get rid of.

He was so lost in these thoughts that he didn't realise he wasn't being taken back to his cell. "Where are we going?"

"Under the Uniform Code, a civilian kept in military detention for extended periods has to have a certain standard of living." Vega explained. "We're upgrading your box."

* * *

Vega had taken a post directly opposite the door to his new room. The new 'cell' was an improvement. It was an actual set of quarters. A bed with clean sheets, a window that let him see outside, a couch... It felt more like he was a guest that wasn't allowed to leave. No screen, no omni-tool, nothing to do but wait. Still more comfortable. Still a cell.

Sitting on the couch was a familiar bag, and Shepard grinned. Ashley had gone to Normandy, and made it back safe.

Shepard went through the bag Kelly had sent. Ash had removed the survival gear, the heat-sink, the spare omni-tool, and left him with the personal effects. He had a few clothes, a few gifts from people they had helped, one or two books, a Turian blade, a Krogan honor-sash, a Salarian codex, an Asari translation of the Karma Sutra… The Captain of an interstellar star-ship gathered the oddest mementos on his journeys…

The photo of him with Ashley was there too. It was a candid shot of them doing some freelance prospecting on an uninhabited world during their Geth hunts after the battle of the Citadel. Shepard had ordered shore-leave and the Normandy had landed on a gorgeous stretch of beach that nobody had ever walked. Joker had snapped a photo of them without their knowledge,and sent him a copy a week later. She was leaning back against his chest, with his arms wrapped warmly around her waist. They were both looking out over the ocean, as the sunset bathed her hair with a beautiful russet glow, and the landed Normandy framed behind them majestically...

He had shifted the photo from his desk to his bag when things with Jack had become serious. He didn't know if the tattooed woman had even noticed, or if she would care if she did…

"Hi."

Shepard turned. Ashley came in. "Ash?"

She sat down. "Well, Anderson said you would be under the constant surveillance of the highest Council Security. Turns out the highest Council approved security officer available was a new Spectre named Ashley Williams." She smiled brilliantly at him. "Who would have thought?"

Shepard burst out laughing. She joined in. The break in tension lasted a good long time. "I needed that."

"Yeah." Ashley said softly. "Looks like you needed a friend; and as it happens, James Vega agrees, so he was looking the opposite direction when I came in here."

"I have plenty of friends, Ash. I just can't talk to any of them right now."

"Well. As it happens, I was about to have dinner when my new orders to guard you came in. Council rules make it illegal for covert surveillance when a Spectre Operative is questioning a suspect."

The door chimed, and she went to the door. Vega was there with a mess tray, piled high. She took it, and shut the door again. "Oh look." She observed. "They gave me two forks instead of one."

Shepard grinned. Ash was bringing him something more than bread and water too. "Ash, you are a marvel."

"Well, hold your applause. There's been some developments." Ashley said. "The Council has agreed to let the trial happen here. They only want the whole thing to be observed, they get veto power if they feel the trial is pro-you in any way, they want a fair trial, but insist on a guilty verdict, and one more thing..."

Shepard thought to over. "They pick the Tribunal."

"And the prosecutor. He's already on his way. They picked a human that worked the legal team to have humanity added to the Council. I don't know him, and I don't think you do, but he sees everything you've done, ever since and including the Blitz, as a threat to his attempts to get Humanity respected by the Citadel races."

"Ahh." Shepard grit his teeth. "Which means he knows everything."

She took a breath. "John, you know that they're going to go over your life with a fine tooth comb." She bit her lip. "They've got my testimony too. After Eden Prime, I had to report that you had joined Cerberus. They had all our mission notes from the first Normandy. Including what we thought of them back then."

"That opinion hasn't changed." Shepard promised her. "Needs must when the devil drives, but I broke with them the first chance I could get."

"Maybe so, but… John, you're a by the book guy, but we've both rewritten the book whenever we had to. They are setting up a committee to handle your trial, and they're stacking it with Admirals chosen from the 'shoot the bastard' category. They will have you for lunch."

Silence. They ate for a while, not speaking.

"Do I have a defense counsel yet?" Shepard asked finally.

"Not yet. You're still in custody." Ashley promised. "They won't give you a defense until they set the trial date, and they won't do that till they have all the evidence they need."

"Under Alliance regs, I'm supposed to-"

"You're not Alliance any more." She interrupted. "This has never happened before. You're technically a civilian. The Brass is trying to get Anderson to disown you before you make Earth look bad. A civilian being held under military confinement, being charged with extraterrestrial war crimes is… unprecedented."

Shepard took that in. "How long?"

"A while. Weeks at least. Months more likely."

Shepard swore. "Time. Time is such a tricky animal now. Is there any chance I can come out of this alive?"

"Well... unless the Reapers show up and testify that they exist..." Ashley began.

"Ooh, don't even joke about that."

"What do you expect, John? You lit up a Relay. An actually, honest-to-god RELAY."

"I know. I know."

"I mean… it was a freaking  _Mass Effect Relay_ , John." Ashley repeated in jaded awe. "Has that ever happened before? At all?"

"Not that I can think of."

"Another place in the history books." Ashley commented. "So yeah, every Spectre in the galaxy wanted a shot at you… I just wonder if..." Ashley shivered. "If they gave me the job because... The order came the day after they got my report from Horizon."

"You think they were trying to buy your loyalty, and your testimony, by making you a Spectre?"

"You went through the same thing." Ashley nodded. "Having to walk the line between Alliance and Council."

"I'm surprised you were even nominated for it. Your suspicion of Council races was never a secret."

She softened. "You know my reasons for that. I've never relied on anyone, not even people I trusted. Especially not politicians.. I didn't trust aliens because… well, they don't trust us. Back at Boot, I was taught: Always fight as fair as the other guy. They're running the Citadel, and nobody got that high up the greasy pole because they were all smiles and kindness."

Shepard took a bite, and debated speaking for a moment. "When I was on the Collector Mission, I spoke with some of the Cerberus crew. My Exec, she told me that too many people wanted to join Cerberus out of Xenophobia. They don't get turned away, but they don't last long. The crew I had… their reasons were not at all unlike you: Not anti-alien, just looking out for their homes and families and race in a universe full of dangers."

"It's a lesson you need to learn too, John." Ashley pointed out. "Remember who you're talking to. You can't get the Council to admit Reapers even exist. What do you think the rest of the galaxy will do when the damn bogeymen actually come breathing down their necks?" She let that sink in. "It's not racist to think that their first thought  _won't_  be to do what's good for Earth."

"I don't disagree, but we'll need  _everyone,_  Ash. I've seen the Reapers… Seen the **heart** of them."

"What do you mean?" Ashley asked, brow furrowed.

Shepard said nothing. The embryonic humanoid Reaper was a recurring theme in his nightmares. He didn't have any nightmares when Jack was curled up next to him. She woke him up when he started to toss in his sleep. They'd protected each other.

He shook his head slightly, trying to banish that thought.  _She's not coming back._  He told himself again, taking his daily stab at closure.

"I wonder…" Ashley murmured.

Shepard reacted.  _Can she read my mind after all?_ "What?"

"I… it's been my experience that people protect themselves over someone else. That applies to humans every bit as much as aliens… Then Normandy came along. Tali, Garrus, Wrex… They followed you. None of them trusted you at first. You won them over. They put you above themselves."

"And look what we did." Shepard put in.

"We put the universe on its head, Skipper. We did a hell of a thing. I read the report from the Collector mission. Asari, Salarians, Krogan, Quarians and of all things a Geth…"

"Yeah we got them all working together with us."

"Has there ever been a crew like yours? Anywhere in history?"

"Nope."

"And you got them all to work together on a Cerberus ship, of all places..."

"So I guess it wasn't so bad what I did then?"

"Not a chance in all get out that I'm gonna go on the record and support Cerberus' actions." Ashley said lightly.

"Neither am I."

"Yeah, but you worked with them. I go before whatever committee they convene and say the exact same things you do, nobody will listen. You know my family history with politicians."

Shepard said nothing. Her grandfather was a victim of politics after the First Contact War, being the first human general to surrender to an alien commander. The fact that he had no chance against them never entered into it. Her family had been blackballed in the Alliance for generations because of her grandfather. Ashley wasn't xenophobic; she was loyal to her own team. And because of her family stigma, she'd had to be twice as good and twice as loyal to get half the recognition.

"Besides, I got there." Ashley continued. "I'm a Spectre now and everything."

"You know, I was a human Spectre first." Shepard pointed out. "Before it became cool, and everyone was doing it."

Ashley grinned, despite herself. He wasn't mad. "God I missed you, Skip."

The memory of Jack came back to him then, and he tried not to let anything show. "It's… been a long time."

Ashley caught the tone. "Is everything okay?"

Shepard just looked at her.

"Other than the obvious?" Ashley amended. "It's weird, isn't it?" She perceived. "Having me here."

"A little. I wouldn't have thought the Council would trust having me guarded by my-"

"Well, they don't know that part. Regs, remember? The crew kept the secret, even after you died. Tali thought it was a stupid rule anyway, Joker knew better than to make any of his funny jokes, Wrex wasn't required to tell any of it to anyone, neither was Liara…"

"Anderson knew." Shepard said quietly.

"I know." Ashley said quietly. "I think that there's very little he doesn't notice. He asked me… if I could be the one to guard you. He can't give you a lot just yet, but he can put a friendly face in the room."

"Is that what you are?"

Boom. There it was.

"Aren't I?" Ashley said after a while.

"Ash…" John said softly. "What do you want from me? You walked away. I was dead for two years, and I missed all of it. It was a week later to me. A week later, we finally found each other again, and you just walked away. Like it was nothing."

"Well what do you want from me?" Ashley shot back. "You were dead. It was a week for you, it was  _two years_  for me! You've been there. You know how it screws you up, losing someone. The whole ship went silent after Kaidan, and you… you were our Captain. Heart of the team. We were your crew. And me… You and me were more than that. I put everything into the job after you died. You know me; I had blinders on to the whole galaxy. The whole crew was walking on eggshells around me… I wasn't weak, I was sick. I was heartsick. The way all the poets talk about. You were everywhere I looked; so I stopped looking. I lost you and I wouldn't look at anything I couldn't see through a scope. Spend two years like that… You slept through it, but we didn't. So when I found out you were alive, and working for Cerberus, a terrorist Organization that we tore apart back in the day… I was furious. I was beyond furious."

"I'm not going to apologize, Ash." Shepard fired back without pity. "It wasn't exactly my idea. I'm not going to beg forgiveness for something that wasn't my fault."

"I know that!"

"And working with Cerberus wasn't exactly an easy choice. You saw Horizon. People were dying by the hundreds of thousands, and Cerberus was the onlye one that seemed to notice."

"I know that too." She said quietly. "I do  _now_  at least. But at the time, all I knew was: You were dead for two years, and then I found out that you never were, and had apparently been working secretly for Cerberus."

Shepard stared at her. "You thought I defected? You actually thought I had turned?"

"No." Ashley said honestly. "But I was maybe the only one that didn't. Command told me to bring you in, because they were sure you had."

Long silence.

"Why didn't you bring me in?" Shepard dared finally.

She looked at him, with those deep defiant eyes. "Why do you think?"

Lighter silence. The unspoken pain was evaporating quickly.

"Aren't we a pair?" She asked ruefully.

"A pair and a full house." Shepard shot back.

She chuckled. "Still with the shameless lines. Cerberus have any greeting card companies under their control?"

"Why not, they got everything else." Shepard was silent for moment. "I have something that belongs to you." He went to his bag, and pulled out a thick green volume. He pulled the plain dust jacket off, revealing a shattered red cover.

Ashley took it with a grin and lipped through the pages.  _Five Centuries of English Verse._  It was her copy, left with Shepard. "You kept this?" She seemed stunned.

"Yeah." Shepard said. "I… It took me a while to find it in the Normandy-1 wreck, but I found it. I figured if we ever met up again... I remember it was a gift from your father..."

_"And ask ye why these sad tears stream?"_ She read softly. " _Why these wan eyes are dim with weeping?_  
_I had a dream–a lovely dream,_  
_Of he that in the grave is sleeping."_

"'She' not 'he'." Shepard corrected. 'She' that in the grave is sleeping."

"Oh, you know that one." Ashley closed the book. "I liked it better before you picked these quotes up. Made me feel smart. Besides, if he had been writing it about you, it would have been 'he'."

Shepard looked down. "I am very sorry for the pain you went through, Ash."

"And I am very sorry that I blamed you for any of it, Skip."

* * *

The trial began a week later. It was a spectacle. The news was there for the whole thing. Because of the sensitive nature of the trial, it was not televised, but several sections of it were recorded and released anyway.

Shepard was momentarily pleased when he'd learned that Anderson was going to be his defender in front of the committee. It didn't last that long.

Anderson leaned over as the trial began. "The human prosecutor got food poisoning the morning he was meant to leave the Citadel. A Salarian name Tolan is running the case against you now. Lot of Council connections. Long history of opposing humanity's inclusion into anything beyond earth."

* * *

Ashley was watching the whole thing from the upper levels. She was there to provide security, keep out any instigators or trouble makers, and ensure that the trial was not disrupted. Her omni-tool beeped as the televised trial began.

It was a message from her sister.

* * *

_Why the hell didn't you tell me Commander Wonderful was back?_

* * *

Ashley squeezed her eyes shut a moment.  _This day just keeps getting better._

* * *

Jack had been drifting since leaving the ship. She didn't have a plan when she'd left. Since then, she'd taken out some of the Bloodpack. Enough that she'd been noticed by Aria. Aria had hired her, given her money, and housing. Aria had made her a pretty good offer. Decent food, a comfortable bed, an unlimited tab at the bar, drugs and 'company' as she desired… And bad guys to kill.

She had a pretty sweet set-up. All her needs were being met for the first time in her life. It was the first time she'd been willing to stay anywhere. The first time she'd been willing to have something approaching familiar faces.

Shepard had taught her all about being part of something. Aria wasn't good people. Jack knew that. But Subject zero wasn't good people either. Omega was like her. It was what she deserved.

Jack was sitting in a booth as far away from people as she could get. The regulars knew to leave her alone, and she was four drinks into getting a good buzz going.

She'd heard about the trial of course. It was being screamed to the four corners of the galaxy. She had done her best to avoid all mention of it, and of him. She told herself she was making a clean break, but inwardly, she knew better. She wasn't free of it. If she really wanted to avoid the Trial, she wouldn't be here at a bar right now. If she really didn't care any more, she wouldn't have...

"Hey Zero." The bartender called. "They're televising the trial. You wanna see?"

"No." Jack spat thickly.  _Dammit Shepard. Why'd you have to go back? What's wrong with Miranda-bitch? I would have stopped you._

She threw back her next drink and went up to the bar anyway, watching the screen. He was there. He looked as tired as she felt. Jack wondered idly if he was having trouble sleeping too.

* * *

"Commander Shepard." Tolan began to cross examine him. "You've been an Alliance soldier since your eighteenth birthday, correct?"

"Yes."

"And you did your best to be a good Alliance soldier?"

"Yes."

"According to your service records, you've been censured and reprimanded for breaking regulations a total of fourteen times in your career. Four of them during your very first tour, in the middle of a time of war. Namely the Skyllian Blitz. How were you even able to keep your commission after blatantly disregarding your orders?"

"Objection!" Anderson yelled. "Commander Shepard was proven correct during his actions of the Blitz. He received numerous citations for bravery above and beyond the call of duty."

"One wonders about a species that commends people who flagrantly break regulations as soon as it suits their own opinions." Tolan commented. "How do you people get anything done?"

"The objection is sustained." The head of the committee responded. "Tolan, the human race is not on trial here. Confine your rhetoric to Commander Shepard."

"As you wish. Former-Commander Shepard. Let's look to what happened after you left the Alliance." The prosecution continued. "I say 'leave' the Alliance, but the truth is you merely traded one human organization of killers-for-hire for another, more militant one. A known pro-human terrorist group called Cerberus. The official Alliance Inquiry states at you were killed in the attack. You look pretty good for a dead man. Care to elaborate?"

"I have only second hand knowledge of the events myself, but I'm told that my body was recovered and taken to a Cerberus Facility called Project Lazarus, where I was... reconstructed."

"Are you suggesting that we believe Cerberus has power over life and death?"

"Not exactly. I'm told the reconstruction took two years, more than one failed attempt and over a billion credits worth of technology and effort."

"Ahh. So you expect the Council to believe that you're really worth the effort it took for the criminals to bring you back. You can tell a lot about someone by how much effort terrorists will put into keeping them alive."

"I'm breathing, I'm not going to say I agree with you." Shepard said lightly, and someone chuckled.

"Why you?" Tolan said plainly.

"You'd have to ask them."

"As soon as you can tell us where to find them, we'd be happy to bring them in for questioning."

"I have no knowledge of that."

"No? They spend hundreds of millions on you, begged you to save the galaxy, and don't tell you anything about themselves?"

"Cerberus is laid out in a series of cells that work independently of each other. During my time with the Alliance, I put a lot of work into shutting them down, but they were... illusive."

"Very illusive. In fact, I have here the official mission reports of your crew from the Normandy, who described the horrors that those Cells created for Cerberus. Some of these were written by you, others by Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. I have another report from Chief Williams right here, detailing your defection from the Alliance to the Cerberus Terrorist Network. I'd like you to read this section to the court."

* * *

Ash heard the comment and was gutted.  _They're using me against him._  She thought bleakly.  _God forgive me. Dear God, protect him please..._

* * *

Shepard tensed. Here we go.

Tolan handed over the report. "That section there, please."

Shepard read aloud. "It was clear that Shepard and his Cerberus crew were on horizon for their own agenda, which the Commander was not willing to make clear to this officer, apparently out of a concern that the Alliance may attempt to stop him. Commander Shepard made it clear that Cerberus is responsible for his being alive today, and may have sworn allegiance to them in return for saving his life. He was not under duress from his Cerberus crew, and was in fact putting himself in danger to protect them during the fire-fight, as they did for him." Shepard hesitated, but kept reading Ashley's words. "... It is unlikely that he was abducted. It is clear that he is working with them of his own free will, and given that he was declared dead two years ago by all official authorities, it's likely he has been with Cerberus for some time. It is the opinion of this officer that Commander Shepard may have left the Alliance by choice. Given the known illegal and immoral activities of Cerberus... his apparent death at the Destruction of the Normandy should be investigated more closely... And Commander Shepard be considered a Cerberus Operative by the Alliance."

* * *

Unseen by everyone, Ashley bowed her head wretchedly.

* * *

"Exactly how long were you working for them?"

"Exactly the length of one mission." Shepard said immediately. "I don't work for Cerberus. During my time with the Alliance I actually shut down a lot of their projects."

"Yes, let's take a look at some of those projects. Project Overlord: A Cerberus scientist decided to hook up his autistic little brother to a Geth to see their brains fight. Hundreds killed, and damn near crashed the exo-web. Project Arakin: A Cerberus operation that required them to lure wild Thresher Maws to settlements on Akuze for purposes of experimenting on them illegally. Hundreds killed. Project Zero: A Cerberus Operation that abducted children straight out of maternity wards and lobotomized them continuously until they reached teenage years. Dozens killed and worse."

"You got the names and descriptions of these projects out of my report." Shepard responded. "I'm the one that shut most of those projects down."

"Glad to see you have such a high moral standard, Shepard." Shot back the prosecutor. "So. What's more likely? That Cerberus threw all this money, equipment, crew and advanced weaponry at your feet, personally built you your own warship just to make you feel at home, and then didn't tell you anything... or that they recruited you, and you're protecting them?"

"I'm not in the habit of covering up criminals and terrorists."

"No? Because I have some fairly compelling evidence to the contrary. I would like to enter into evidence, security camera footage of yet another place that no longer exists because of John Shepard. In this event, a Super-Max Level Prison Facility. Lost with all hands, except for the prisoners, many of whom escaped by killing the guards and taking the transports. All except for one, the worst of the lot.."

The screens lit up again with security camera footage, of Jack emerging from Cryo-Sleep, and announcing her emergence with a punch that obliterated three mechs in a microsecond.

Shepard stared at the screen, transfixed. Jack had never looked more dangerous.

* * *

Jack looked away, pretending the whole bar wasn't staring at her. It wasn't like she was easy to mistake for anyone else...

* * *

"This woman was sought out by Shepard specifically, and never returned to the proper authorities, who had deemed her to spend the rest of her natural life in solitary confinement. She had killed no less than forty three prisoners and guards before being put into suspension. She was put there after a long string of violent offenses against law enforcement, criminals, and civilians. She has a confirmed kill list in the hundreds, possibly thousands. This one prisoner, a highly unstable biotic without a name, known only as Subject Zero, was actually rescued the exploding prison by Commander Shepard personally, when hundreds of staff and guards, all of them law-abiding citizens, were allowed to burn with the facility. You broke this woman out, bribing a guard to make it happen, and killing anyone who tried to recapture her."

"Dammit, leave her out of this!" Shepard snarled.

* * *

Jack looked up at the screen sharply. The glass in her sudden fist exploded.

* * *

The sudden anger took Tolan by surprise. Everyone else watching too.

"As you wish." Tolan said politely. "Let's talk about the rest of your crew... A Quarian: Tali-Zorah, her file has been listed as 'Under Review' by the Quarian Admiralty, after she was brought up on charges of high treason against her people..."

"She was exonerated of those charges!"

"The Turian: Garrus, formerly a C-Sec Officer, currently wanted for questioning connection with several Vigilante Killings on the Citadel-"

"Enough, damn it-"

"A _Geth_ , which you kindly took in and gave a name, like it's a real person..."

" **ENOUGH**!" Shepard roared.

The word hung in the air, the court gone dead silent.

"Not in the habit of covering up terrorists and criminals?" Tolan drove the point home. "Your whole crew is terrorists and criminals. And that was before you got anywhere near the Batarian Relay."

Those watching the trial roared, some in disbelief, some in anger.

Ashley never took her eyes off Shepard. He looked... lost. Broken. The Hero of the Human Race, hanging his head.

Tolan kept hammering, playing to the Committee, the crowd, the cameras... "I question your loyalty Commander Shepard. I question your action. You are a traitor to your people, your species, your government and all the free people of the galaxy. You're a terrorist and a criminal, in command of a crew of terrorist and criminals. And the only thing you can offer in your defense is a bad camp-fire story."

"A bad camp-fire story that's abducted whole colonies." Anderson roared.

"You know who else abducts colonies? Batarian slavers. I have here about thirty pages of incidents where they've done so. Tell me, Shepard: Was that why you blew so many of their civilians to hell?"

* * *

Jack turned away from the screen in disgust. They were using her against him. She knew they would eventually. She was a death-dealer. She left pain and murder in her wake wherever she went. It was why she had left him. Left them all.

_And it hasn't worked._ Jack told herself.  _Only you, only Subject Zero could destroy an honestly good person from light years away._

"I'm going to need several more of these." She told the bartender, draining her glass in one swallow. "And if you have anything stronger, I'll take a set of those too."

* * *

They finally released him and Vega marched him back to his room. Vega had the good sense to be very quiet on the march, but Shepard could tell the huge gorilla of a man was looking to beat something up.

Shepard made it back to his room and didn't bother with the lights. He went to the window and sat on the windowsill, trying to get himself straightened out.

Seeing Jack's face again had been… unexpected. The trial was a character assassination, expertly done. It stood to reason they'd focus on the worst parts first. The denunciations of former crew (Or more), the affiliations with criminals and terrorists…

Besides, wasn't it true? Wasn't Jack guilty of all the things they'd said? They found her in a super-max prison. None of the charges against her were false. Nothing they said about her was unfair… The fact that he cared for her during their mission didn't change that… not even if he… what? Did he love her? She had left after only a few weeks. They were together as more than crew only a few nights…

_She's not coming back._  He told himself.  _She told you she wasn't coming back. She snuck out of bed and broke up with you via email, if you were ever really a couple at all._

He had no mementos of her. Just a few scars and his memories. They would have to be enough.

The door opened behind him. He knew it was Ashley. He was under detention, though the room was better now. She was his guard during the trial.

She looked around. "John?"

"I'm here."

She turned on a light.

"I prefer it dark." He said simply. It was easier to clear his head when he wasn't looking at as much. It was easier to see out the window at night with the lights off too. A trick that jack had taught him.

She turned the light back off and followed the moonlight to the window, sitting across from him at the windowsill. Two of them in the dark, with the moonlight between them.

"Do… do you want me to leave?" She asked carefully. "I wouldn't blame you."

Shepard suddenly realized. She was feeling guilty. Of course she was. Ashley had never known about Jack. "No." He said. "You can stay."

She came in. They didn't say anything to each other. Shepard stayed at the window, looking out over the base, and the distant horizon.

"It's good to be home." Shepard offered softly at last. "I've spent a lot of nights looking out this window. You can see the city at night. Did I ever tell you about that?"

Ashley nodded. "Yeah. About the gangs, and the warehouses, and the cat, and your brother. You told me all of it."

"I never once looked back when I joined up. Never thought I'd be back here." Shepard said softly. "I honestly thought I'd be dead by now."

Ashley shivered. "I'm glad you were wrong about the Collector mission. I couldn't lose you a second time."

Shepard smiled despite himself. He was glad to see her again. Losing her had been a knife in the gut, because he hadn't had any choice in the matter. He'd just woken up and everyone was gone. It had taken a lot of work to pull back as many of them as he had. Of all of them, Ashley was the one to say no.

_Of all of them,_  a traitorous little voice said,  _Ashley was the one that felt betrayed._

He had a lot of bridges to build.

* * *

Jack came into her latest hideout and weaved her way over to the bed. She fell forward onto it and missed, smacking into the floor. Cursing drunkenly, she clambered gracelessly to the bed, and felt her stomach twist at the attempt. She'd barely managed to get her head turned away from the sheets before she threw up.

Groaning painfully as she heaved, she sat on the floor; trying not to fall forward.

_No chance of sleeping now._  She thought miserably.  _Another night staring at the walls._

She needed to sleep. She'd stopped cutting, she'd stopped smoking, she was even letting her hair grow out, but she still needed to sleep.

_You know what you need._

Jack ignored that thought, and went to her pack. Seeing three of everything, she turned it upside down and scattered everything she owned on the floor. The jar of pills was at the bottom of the bag.

Jack hated drugs. She'd taken too many of them in her life and knew first-hand how hollow they were. Fake pleasures, fake feelings, fake responses. Just like Teltin.

Anything associated with Teltin she avoided like the plague. But they would make her sleep. She had slept soundly with Shepard, and she hadn't slept properly since. She'd found that she had developed a taste for being unconscious the whole night, and finally gave in on day five without Normandy.

She tipped a whole handful into her mouth and swallowed them dry. She knew that a triple dose of sleeping pills on top of throwing up a three hour bender was bad. She didn't much care. If she never woke up, it wouldn't bother her that much.

_Sorry, John._

* * *

"I remember when I first shipped out." Shepard said. "I looked out the window and I saw earth for the first time. Until then, earth had been that city. The slums at the lowest end of it. Abandoned buildings, forgotten streets… I wasn't going to miss any of it, and then I looked out the window of the shuttle and I saw earth from space for the first time. Ash, it was beautiful. It was the first time I realized how amazing my home could be. I came back to earth for every leave after that. I never came back to… that wretched city, but I loved Earth. I close my eyes and I can remember every detail of what I saw that first day." He smiled at her. "It's what you said. About how the more of the universe you see, the easier it is to see God everywhere."

"Let the sweet fresh breezes heal me  
As they rove around the girth  
Of our lovely mother planet  
Of the cool, green hills of Earth." Ashley recited.

"We've tried each spinning space mote." Shepard continued.  
"And reckoned its true worth:  
Take us back again to the homes of men  
On the cool, green hills of Earth."

Shepard grinned. Ashley wasn't one for speeches. She had often told him that she never knew what to say, but the poems her father had taught her helped. She knew so many of them by heart, and could always find one to express what she was trying to get across.

"Why'd you learn all these things anyway?"

"Same reason anyone does anything." Shepard said without hesitation. "To impress a girl."

"Hm. Anyone I know?" Ashley drawled.

Silence.

"Missed you." He whispered back in the dark.

"I missed you." She said quietly.

Jack's memory came back to him then. He tried to push it away. It didn't feel right to think about her when here with Ashley.

Her gaze narrowed, just the tiniest bit, like she was trying to read his mind as his expression changed.

"You remember Gunny Ellison?" Ashley asked him.

"From Boot? Yeah." Shepard said. He and Ashley had gone to the same training center on Macapa, and had the same drill sergeant."

"He served in the First Contact War." She said. "Did you know that?"

Shepard blinked. "No."

Ashley nodded. "He was a Master Chief. Led a team of marines against one of their Teams." She let that sink in. "It was a disaster. He lost the whole crew. The operation failed because the defenses stayed up, and the guy was busted down to Gunny For his trouble. That's why he was in Boot. Knew more about the worst of combat than a lot of soldiers. It was his job to see what he was made of. When I was promoted to Lieutenant commander, I met some of his old Unit. They said that he carried them around for a long time. All the what ifs, all the ghosts, all the questions. You've see the type. They let all the crap people like us go through… isolate them. They get loaded down with so much and... it starts to show on their face after a while. Nobody comes to them after that because they don't want to make it worse, and guys like Ellison just get more… isolated. They snap more, stress more, get crabby, go cold…"

Shepard looked at Ashley, waiting for the point.

"Back on Normandy… the real one, not the Cerberus one, we all came to you with our problems, our worries, and you were so good at making us better. It's what made you the best Captain we ever could have wished for. You were an answer to a prayer a lot of the time. For most everyone we met on our journeys in fact… I liked that you came to me. Even the broadest shoulders can't carry everything, and I liked… helping. If nothing else, I was glad I could make you forget about it for a while, keep you company."

She had leaned forward. They were close now. So close. He could smell her hair clearly. She wasn't propositioning him, just letting him know she was there, letting him become comfortable with her proximity again. Like it used to be. Her and him alone together after a hard day, letting the pressure ease between the two of them.

"So… you know. You've had the stuffing beat out of you today, and it's going to be worse tomorrow." Ashley said simply. "I just wanted you to know that even after all the things I said in that report, even after all the hell I put you through, even after they put me on the stand tomorrow and tell me to raise my right hand… It doesn't change my feelings for you. Not one little bit. If I could go back to any point in my life and do something differently, it would be that day on Horizon colony."

She leaned forward then, put a long soft kiss on his cheek. He lifted a hand and cradled her neck, not embracing her, just keeping her close to him a moment. Three years faded to nothing. It was just like it had always been.

She pulled back, smiling gently at him. "Goodnight, John."

"Night, Ash."

She left him then, closing the door behind her gently, and Shepard let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. It was the first time he'd realized that he never stopped loving her.

Jack's memory came back to him then, and he felt a spike of guilt. He knew it was stupid to feel that way. She had left, and for exactly this reason. Emotion made things too real for Jack. Ashley wasn't afraid of it.

_Ashley is right._  Shepard thought to himself.  _Doubt and guilt and what-ifs will bury you. Especially for a soldier. Jack's gone. She's not coming back. It doesn't make your feelings for her any less valid, it just means she's world's away, never to be seen again, by her choice._

Without letting himself think about it too much, Shepard went back to his bag, drew out Ashley's picture, and set it on the table beside his bed.

* * *

Jack woke up and could barely move. There was no pain, just… fogginess. It felt like something in her head was stopping her from moving. She was not new to the feeling, but she wasn't restrained. She just couldn't make her eyes open.

Then memory came to her slowly, also sluggishly, and she tried to summon the energy to groan.

Her hands fumbled around the floor next to her bed, finding a pill bottle, already opened. She pulled it back to her face, and shook a few pills into her mouth. The drugs did their work and Jack's eyes opened, her head clearing.

It wasn't the first time she'd fixed one problem by giving herself five more, but she didn't much care. She hadn't slept properly since Normandy. She hated to think of what that meant. Shepard was her new drug. The only one that worked... and she'd run away.

_Great. Another day._

She fought to stand up, grabbed a tin of something edible and ate it, straight from the can without tasting it, or knowing what it was. She looked around for something to occupy her till dark, when she found a box waiting on the table. It hadn't been there the night before.

Suspicious, she opened it. A space line ticket to Mars, and a data key for an omni-tool. She uploaded it, and a recording began to play.

"Hello, Jack. You may not remember me. I am Liara T'Soni."

_The Shadow Broker?_

"I am trusting this message to a courier that does not know the source, or the purpose of the message. You're good at staying hidden, but you are not known for your subtlety. I was able to find you with little effort. If you have allowed my courier to live, he has nothing of any use to you. Enclosed is a ticket to Mars on the Black Star Liner. Please come to Mars Immediately. Shepard needs you."

Jack felt a chill. If she went back, she'd have to face him. She was not a coward. Not by any stretch. But she had never once had to go back to face a problem she'd walked away from. She'd never looked back in her life. Nobody had ever been part of her life twice.

If she ignored the message, she could… what?

_You're good at being alone, Jack. But you don't enjoy it any more. maybe you never really did._

_Don't go. Do not go. I'm not going. I can get there faster if I_ _ignore the ticket and steal a Blue Suns transport. Aw, nuts._


	4. Invasion

"Shepard, today I would like to talk to you about the Alliance Colony on planet Watson." Tolan said. "The colony was under attack by two Javelin class missiles. They were targeting two locations. The Spaceport, and the residential area. Can you tell the court what happened next?"

Shepard closed his eyes a moment, trying to keep the nightmare out. He'd been doing that a lot this month. "I was in possession of only one missile kill-code, and therefore could only stop one missile."

"You chose to save the Spaceport, and let the residential area burn. Thousands of casualties."

Shepard nodded. "I know. It wasn't like that was preferable, but the Watson Colony was a key defensive position for the Alliance in the Skepsis System. Without that colony, the defensive line would have been strongly weakened, and the-"

"And when your imaginary monsters came along, you wanted the colony there to fight them."

"It was the only way!" Shepard ground out. "Whole colonies were vanishing already. Those four thousand weren't even close to being the only ones lost."

"And so you killed them."

"Objection." Anderson interrupted. "Commander Shepard didn't launch those missiles."

"No indeed, the missiles were launched by Batarian radicals, weren't they? Not civilians like the ones you killed, enemy combatants. Tell me, Shepard: Were you looking to balance what you did, nuking the innocent people on Watson, by returning the favor tenfold upon the Batarians?"

"Objection! Tolan is testifying." Anderson snapped.

"Sustained."

* * *

The trial went for another six weeks. Shepard wasn't required to attend every day of it. The rules of this trial were different than a civilian court, or even an Alliance Tribunal. The prosecution and the defense called witnesses in turn. Anderson called people who could give glowing responses to the things Shepard had done in his travels, and Tolan had torn them all down.

Anderson went through Shepard's mail, including the myriad of people who had sent their gratitude to Commander Shepard on the Collector's Mission. Tolan had demanded to see the originals, and discovered that the Cerberus computers had been wiped clean of all correspondence going to Commander Shepard. A final act of spite from the Illusive Man.

On and on it went. John Shepard was rapidly becoming the most dissected man in history.

And every night he would be marched back to his room, and Ashley would come to join him, keeping him together. The easy chemistry they'd had on the first mission had returned. It was more mature, more balanced that it had been, the two years in between giving both of them confidence in themselves without the other, their relationship now stronger for it.

She did not stay all night. She couldn't. He was a prisoner after all, and on paper, she was responsible for guarding him. But they grew more comfortable with each other. More like it used to be.

* * *

"Sis, this is me you're talking to." Sarah Williams said over the vid-line. "You once left your rotation and came home to walk me to school after I had a run-in with a bad boyfriend. We both know how it screws you up. And this is so much worse. I was the one who had to clean up the debris after you burned out."

"I did not 'burn out.' I just crashed for a bit." Ashley shot back. "And of course I came to you. Alliance offered me a shrink, but you had the good ice-cream."

"Somebody has to provide these things. I just… I want you to be careful."

"We're taking it slow." Ashley promised. "There's… it's not so much anger or hurt feelings any more. That's gone now. But there's… distance. We getting closer, but we're not there yet."

"Good."

"Good?"

"Well, not  _good_ … I'm just worried about you. That guy is quicksand to you. You get in too deep, too fast... Ash, it's six to one whether or not he'll be shot tomorrow." Sarah pointed out. "Mom is hearing some of the stuff they're saying about him, and… She doesn't know you two are back together. It's gonna be rough. You think what they're doing to him on that stand is bad, wait till you see what mom does to both of you when she finds out you're dating again."

"Actually we aren't." Ashley said firmly. "I'm  _supposed_  to be standing guard outside his door every day. The position is awkward."

"What position? Bending over to look through the keyhole?"

"Sarah!"

"Well how did you  _think_  I'd react?" Sarah demanded. "You got him alone in a room and you got handcuffs! You telling me you haven't pounced? You never know how to take advantage of an opportunity, Ash. I've always hated that about you."

Ashley grinned. Her sister wasn't mad. "I'm disconnecting now."

"Love you!"

"Love you too."

* * *

Jack hated travel on spaceships. Confined spaces were too… confronting. And if she tore down the walls she didn't like, there was a better than even chance she could kill herself.

_And wouldn't that be such a shame?_

She distracted herself with TV. No such luck. Human TV was talking about the trial non-stop.

* * *

"Let's talk about Virmire." Tolan said silkily.

Shepard tensed. There was a hit coming. A heavy one.

* * *

Ashley tensed, feeling her jaw set.  _Oh no, please don't..._

* * *

"Your team and a squad of Salarian Special Forces were attempting to infiltrate and destroy a base under the command of Saren, a Rogue Spectre."

"Not Rogue." Shepard corrected. "Indoctrinated. His proximity to Reaper Tech had caused-"

"Yes, yes; The Boogeymen brainwashed him." Tolan waved that off. "Regardless, the mission was to destroy the base, for which you, and you alone, I might add; decided to employ the use of Nuclear Weapons. Is that correct?"

"Actually, it was a Salarian drive core adapted into a weaponized fusion explosive, but... yeah."

"According to the reports of your crew, the bomb was activated, when Saren sent in reinforcements. Enough that the position was soon to be overrun. You split your squad in a holding action, and Lt Alenko stayed with the bomb."

"Kaiden was my friend." Shepard said shortly. "He gave his life to make sure that the mission was completed, the enemy defeated, and the rest of his team survived. That is what soldiers do in any military. He died a hero."

The feeling in the room changed. If Tolan was about to use Alenko and his death as a way to score a point against Shepard, he was certain to lose any support he had gained from anyone.

"I don't doubt the bravery or the nobility of Lt Alenko's sacrifice." Tolan said sincerely. "But my question was not about the soldier you ordered to his death, but rather the one that lived. Ashley Williams, now a Specter."

Shepard tensed. Ashley's file came up on the viewscreen, her photo visible to the whole court.

"Your squad was being overrun at most points, and you made the choice to fall back to the AA tower and defend her position." Tolan said, as though making sure of the facts.

Shepard nodded thickly. "That's right. I couldn't save them both; and I had to make a choice. It is... the nature of war."

"Indeed." Tolan said, so terribly sympathetic. "But perhaps your judgement was clouded by the fact that you were sleeping with Ashley Williams at the time?"

The crowd reacted with a roar.

"A relationship that is against the regulations of human military, though I don't suppose regulations mattered to you any more then than it did when you blew up the Relay. Did Lt Alenko know why you chose to save her over him?"

Shepard couldn't answer. He was stunned that Tolan knew. The crew of the Normandy were the only ones that knew for sure, and Shepard was certain that nobody had talked...

_Unless someone who didn't survive the first Normandy Wreck had said something... sent a letter home, gossiped about the CO having a girlfriend..._

"Lt Cmdr Williams herself has an interesting family history on the subject of hostile aliens. It's a reputation for surrender and failure that has dogged her career even now, three generations later." Tolan added. "Were you trying to score a victory for your girlfriend when-"

"Objection!" Anderson roared. "Lt Cmdr Williams is not on trial here. Nor is Shepard's personal life."

"Sustained." The Court ruled. "Tolan, we've warned you about bringing the rest of the human race into this."

* * *

Jack let out a shriek. She didn't know if she was screaming at the trial, the prosecutor, or the picture of Ashley Williams. A very attractive woman by any measure.

"It's your own fault!" She snarled. "I warned you! You had a choice! Why the hell do I care? Why the hell am I even  _going_  to Mars? Huh? Answer me that smart-guy! I had a sweet deal on Omega. I had what I wanted, and it's your fault." The crazy built up again and she lost it, hurling the small screen against the bulkhead. "IT'S YOUR FAULT! I HAD EVERYTHING I WANTED, AND IT'S NOT ENOUGH ANY MORE AND IT'S  **YOUR FAULT**!"

She jumped up and down on the wrecked screen a few times, breathing hard, not caring that she was coming unglued. The old Jack was coming back. Crazy Jack. Feral Jack. Subject Zero: Purgatory's Worst Nightmare. She needed a knife. She needed a smoke. She needed sleep. She hadn't had any of these things for longer than she liked to think about.

_You know what you need._

She pushed that thought away. She was going to Mars. All the crazy could stop till then. She counted her pills again. She took more than the regular dose to make them work for her. More than was healthy...

She heard boots coming down the metal corridor and swept her pills back into their bottle, tossing it in her bag, and stretching out on her cot.

Just in time. A moment later, the door to her room opened, and three Black Sun Mercenaries came in. they were all armed.

"So." The lead Mercenary snarled, gearing up. "We've been watching TV."

"That crap will rot your brain." Jack didn't get up. Didn't move, didn't tense, she just kept staring at the ceiling. "But then again, where's the risk?"

"The trial showed footage of you." The captain continued, as though she hadn't spoken.

"Not me, my twin sister." Jack said without moving.

"Please. It's not like it's easy to confuse you for anyone else." He snapped. "Word is, you're the one that's worth half a million credits to turn in. Dead or alive. Emphasis on dead."

Jack finally turned her eyes to the left to look at him. "Turn around. Leave the room. Forget you saw that." She said coldly.

"See, the interesting thing is, the reward is actually double if you're dead. Normally there's more money for bringing them in alive."

"Take that as a hint." Jack bared her teeth.

"Don't think you can intimidate us, Zero." One of the other mercenaries snarled. "I'm a biotic too."

Jack almost smiled. "Oh please: Amaze me."

The Mercenaries snap-drew their guns and tried to aim at Jack, still motionless on the bed. Blue fire filled the room as they were slammed against the walls with enough force to shatter their armor and bones alike.

Jack was up a nanosecond later, checking them over. Those that still had a pulse she slammed again.

Jack turned again, heading for the bridge. She had just killed the captain and some of his trusted crew. It was a cargo hauler, so there wouldn't be that many more. If she was going to get the thing to Mars, she needed to make sure she could focus on piloting, and that meant the rest of the crew had to be taken out.

* * *

The trial had adjourned for the day, when Anderson was called away on Alliance business.

Shepard looked ready to kill something. So did Williams. Vega, man-mountain that he was, tried to be very small as he walked with them.

"So." Shepard said finally. "I'm not sure which of us got the worst of that, but I think it was you."

"If Tolan was right and you wanted to send me an olive branch, you could have sent flowers." Ashley shot back through grit teeth.

"Ugh, how cliché." Shepard returned. "James, quit acting like you're not listening."

"Words are very dangerous right now, sir." Vega said quickly.

"Smart man." Shepard said shortly and turned back to Williams. "Ash, keep the whole thing in perspective. The Council made you a Spectre. You can have him shot later if you want."

Ashley nodded as they escorted him back to the room. "And don't you let the sabre-rattling get you down." She counseled him quietly, so that nobody could hear them talk. "They'll roast you, but they won't carve you up afterwards. At most, you'll be dishonorably discharged."

"At most?" Shepard repeated.

"John, it could be a lot worse. Without the Alliance, you'll still be able to get a job somewhere. If you want to. I could honestly see you chucking it all in and setting up on some uninhabited world somewhere, making a vacation spot for yourself. If I had any brains at all, I would go with you."

He looked at her. "You would, huh?"

Ashley flushed. "Sounds pretty good right now. A world without people, a billion light years from anyone. You, me, a beach and nothing else? Gotta be worth thinking about at least."

Shepard smiled. Whatever else Ash had just confessed, she'd confirmed that she wasn't going anywhere this time.

"Specter Williams, report to C-in-C. Specter Williams, report to C-in-C immediately." The PA announced through the halls.

"Command and Control?" Shepard responded. "Whatever called Anderson away, it must be big."

"Hmm." Ashley agreed, and keyed Shepard's door open. "See you soon?" She asked him. It came out as a question, and she didn't know why.

"Sure." He said. He wasn't sure why it should be uncertain either. She'd come by often enough during the trial...

Ashley sent a quick glance back at Vega, who was pointedly not looking at either of them, and she leaned in, pressing her lips against his quickly. A moment later she was gone, marching down the hallway to answer her summons.

Shepard smiled after her, standing in the doorway. "All right, how much of that little chat did you hear?" He asked finally.

"Everything after you two planning to run away together to some forgotten oasis of a planet." Vega said without turning. "It might not have been the smartest move to be  _less_  discreet right  _now_."

"I guess there's really no point in  _being_  discreet right now, is there?"

"Possibly not."

Silence.

"Vega, why'd you turn us in?"

Vega's face fell. "I swear, I didn't, sir. I... The door gets logged. Everyone who goes in and out. I had to think up some way to explain it in the daily reports. I was discreet, I swear."

Shepard took measure of him, and nodded. "I believe you. My guess is someone got a look at those daily reports, read a few things between the lines, went digging. It's not your fault."

"After the things you've done… you should get a medal." Vega said, not for the first time.

* * *

Ashley came in and saluted. "Sir."

Anderson waved her over to the view-screen. "Jupiter Station went dark six hours ago."

Williams reacted. "Transponder?"

"Also offline. This isn't a hardware glitch. The base is gone."

"Jupiter Station? That's... more than thirty Jovian outposts. Civilians too."

"Gravity sensors are off the charts!" Someone shouted.

"Gravity sensors are for reading incoming asteroids and stellar matter." Ashley blinked. "What the hell is coming our way?"

"With Jupiter gone and everything further out dark, we can't even get a look at it till it reaches Mars orbit." Anderson said. "Williams, I want you to go to the spaceport, use that fancy clearance of yours and get to the Normandy. I want her ready to fly starting thirty seconds ago."

Ashley went cold.  _That's a lie. He knows Joker will never let Normandy get dusty. She's been ready to fly since Shepard left her. Anderson wants Shepard free and moving._ She thought.  _He thinks it's the Reapers._

"Redeploy the fleet!" Anderson roared. "Protect the Martian perimeter at any cost! Where the hell is Admiral Hackett?"

Williams was already running.

* * *

"What have we got, EDI?"

"The fleet is redeploying." The ship's voice reported. "I don't know why, but it looks massive."

"Are you picking anything up on the standard Alliance frequencies?"

"I'm afraid not, Jeff. In fact, I'm not even receiving telemetry from Jupiter Station any longer. All the Relay Monitors are offline."

He blinked. "See if you can reach the Luna Colony Monitors."

"I am attempting to do so, but I'm getting some heavy interference. It's hard to determine the cause."

Joker started counting on his fingers. "Blacked out communications, outer rim going dark, and everything watching the only way into the system is out of contact. What do you do next?"

"Standard military tactics would suggest you begin the Invasion."

Joker turned and hit the ship intercom. "All Hands: Battle-stations!"

"Too late. I am picking up weapons fire."

"How much?"

"Lots. And approaching our position rapidly." EDI was typically unflappable. "I would recommend evasive manoeuvres. I'm too pretty to die."

"Amen to that!" Joker agreed and worked the controls. A moment later the view ports flared with red ruby light.

* * *

Ashley pushed the controls harder, begging the shuttle to give her a little more speed. From where she was watching, it seemed like Humanity was in the middle of a fighting retreat, trying to get far enough ahead of their pursuers to regroup, and they were failing.

She was keyed to the Alliance frequency. Every few seconds the starscape in front of her would light up as another immense cruiser came apart.

"This is Hackett, I'm taking command of the fleet with the Command Ship destroyed. All wings, attack!"

"We lost the _George Washington_!"

"Three more coming in from the three o'clock!"

"Good Hits! Good Hits!"

"We didn't even put a mark on the surface!"

"God, we have to hit these things eight times before they even notice us!"

"Then be eight times as accurate! Fighter wings, provide cover!"

"Provide cover? From what! AGH!"

"We lost the _Titan_."

"And the _Excalibur_!"

"Regroup to the-"

"We lost the _Dreadnought_! Echo Seven!"

"I'm on i-"

"He's gone! Picking up five more marks!"

"God, how are they doing this? Where are they coming from? **WHAT ARE THEY**?"

And then the shuttle began to make it to the battle proper. Her craft was buffeted by nearby explosions from the human side. One after the other, after another. Normandy had been parked on the Terminus between Luna and Earth. How had the battle got here so quickly?

Red lightning forked across space, shredding hulls and engines and people. Ashley gunned the engines, trying not to see the bodies drifting, space thick with destruction. Ashley started praying hard, not realizing that she had ever stopped. She keyed her radio. "Normandy, this is Williams, do you read?"

Joker's voice came back quickly. "Chief? That you?"

Ashley squeezed her eyes shut, never so happy to hear his voice. "Joker, track my signal, and do it fast before they do! Hurry! I gotta get to you!"

"On the way!" Joker responded. "Closing fast. Can you make it here?"

"I'm trying!" Ashley roared back. "They're going through our most powerful ships like a hot knife through butter. It's a slaughter!"

"No kidding!" Joker shouted back.

Her radio crackled again, the chorus of combat filling her ear. "They broken through! They've broken through!"

"Set course to pursue! AGH!"

"They've landed! They've landed!"

Ashley felt a cold spike go through her. The Reapers weren't even stopping to finish the fight before making their way to Earth.

"We lost Tertiary Command! Who's in charge? Who's in Charge?"

"Ashley, bank left now!" Joker's voice roared.

Williams spun the controls and saw a huge derelict float past, more bodies drifting…

The Normandy was in front of her, locked in a furious dance, trying to evade the instant death that the immense invaders were passing out in every direction.

"Lt Cmdr Williams, this is Anderson! I've got Shepard!" Her radio crackled.

Joker's voice called through in the same instant. "Ash, I've got the shuttle door open! Cut your engines when I tell you, we'll swallow you."

Williams shivered. The manoeuvre in question was banned by the Alliance because two thirds of pilots that tried it died.

 _If anyone can do it, it's Joker._ She thought. "Say when!"

"Williams! Williams, can you hear me?" Anderson called again.

Ashley grit her teeth, unable to talk to both of them at once.  _Hang on, Skipper!_

"NOW!" Joker shouted.

Ashley cut her engines, leaving herself in the hands of Joker and God. A pairing she never would have imagined before. There was a proximity alarm blaring for a moment, and then walls around her view-port windows, and suddenly she was inside a shuttlebay, having drifted while Joker steered the open bay door around her. She'd drifted down a starship's throat and missed death by a few feet.

A nanosecond later she felt the shuttle hurl her forward into the view-port as the shuttle slammed into the speeding walls of the shuttlebay. Ashley rolled with the blow, expecting it, cracking hard against the viewport.

She saw stars for several minutes, seeing six of everything around her, unaware of Anderson still yelling in her ear…

Her next clear memory was Chakwas waving something smelly under her nose, and she came back to her aching body with a thump. "Wha-" She asked, dazed. "Whe…"

"Since I'm not sure which question you're asking, allow me to guess." The older woman said calmly, waving an omni-tool over her. "You're on the Normandy, you were only out a moment, you got knocked around when you… docked, and we're currently tracking Shepard's signal from Earth."

Memory caught up, and Ash pushed the doctor away, rolling to her feet. "I got this."

Chakwas swore under her breath, but didn't stop her. The universe was burning, and allowances had to be made for Spectres. Even bruised ones. Shepard was the same way.

* * *

Ashley walked it off, following Garrus to the bridge quickly. "Report!" She snapped.

Technically, she wasn't crew, but Joker answered her immediately. "We're heading for sub-orbital insertion. I doubt we'll be noticed until we get sub-sonic. Look around."

Ashley did so, and felt worse. The skies above the earth was full of meteors. Hundreds. Thousands. The Reapers were falling from the sky, hammering down like shooting stars, bringing fire with them as they fell.

"My god, they're everywhere!" Someone said behind her. "How many ships does the Citadel have on patrol? A few hundred? A few thousand? It took a full mobilization to shut down Sovereign. A thousand to one and we got a draw!"

Ashley shivered. "Find Shepard." She said simply. "That's the mission right now!"

"He and Anderson are on the way to the spaceport." EDI put in. "It looks like that's one of the places the Reapers have already reached."

"Where Shepard is, that's where we go." Joker said seriously.

* * *

Ashley looked through the view ports as they got to the city, watching the immense ships carving up the city like a roast. She felt kicked in the guts.

She slapped Garrus's shoulder, and the Turian turned to chase after her without a word.

A strange sense of Deja Vu came over Ash as they ran through the halls. It was Normandy. She had been on this ship before, but this was a new feeling. She was running through the halls of a ship that had already been destroyed. She had lost Shepard and her ship that day, and she had got them both back from the dead.

_Assuming he's alive._

The Cargo Bay door lowered as they came running; and Ashley paled. The city was spread out before her, hundreds of feet below, giving her a panoramic view of the cityscape. The skyline... the smoke. She thought for a moment that some of the towers were shifting, falling sideways slowly. But no. They were not towers. They were alive. Reapers, like the Sovereign, were marching through the city, killing indiscriminately as they went.

The towers of the spaceport were shattered, the boarding ramps broken and bleeding flame. She could see the enemy crawling up the sides of the infrastructure.

Garrus saw it too and armed his sniper scope. "Husks."

Ashley shuddered and gripped her rifle tighter. She had seen the Husks before, on Eden Prime. She was one of the first humans to see the tall spires that skewered innocent people, robbing them of life and leaving them as these foul inhuman things.

They climbed up the walls, their blank white eyes turning on her.

Without even thinking, Ash raised her rifle, tearing them down, one after another. The infrastructure was crawling with them, covered in them. Garrus started firing too.

And then the Reaper ships roared, like a satanic orchestra had struck a low note, the terrible siren sound loud and deep enough to send a thrill of horror through her every cell, vibrating her stomach apart.

Ruby flame and energy shredded down, destroying all in its path.

Ashley shuddered, seeing it all too clearly. She was in the presence of something awful. An unwholesome, unclean thing, walking through the streets of Earth, spreading it's unnaturalness and destruction. It was anti-life unleashed.  _This can not possibly be real._

The husks howled, reaching for her across the divide for her. Dark things from a dark place in service of dark masters. Looking back and forth between the Reapers and the husks, Ashley felt their...  _evil_  wash over her. They were not hostile, they were **evil**. You could feel it in your bones the second you saw them. Her eyes didn't want to look on them, there was just a sense of...  _wrongness_  about them.

Ashley felt like she was standing in a shadow, cold and cut off.

" _I've seen the Reapers. I've seen the heart of them."_  Shepard's voice came back to her.

_Is this what Shepard felt before the Reaper embryo?_

Ashley lifted her rifle, firing again, knocking the Husks down, one after another. They kept coming, and she kept firing, determined to wipe out these evil things.

And then from behind them, more gunfire sounded. The Husks were being attacked from behind, their mindless aggression working against them as they cast about looking for the source of their attack, pinned between two guns.

She saw him coming and let out a breath in gratitude. Shepard was charging up the stairwell, blasting the wretched things aside. Anderson and Vega were with him, but all she could see was The Commander. He was fast and mercurial. No wasted movements, no wasted aim. Time hadn't dulled his edge. He was worth a hundred enemies. A thousand.

Ashley could see the exact moment of realisation on his face. He looked up at his ship, and saw it flying Alliance Blue instead of Cerberus White.

A hungry grin across his face, he came up the stairs and didn't even blink before hurling himself across the gap, landing on the shuttle bay ramp. A leap of twelve feet at least, after getting a run-up on a steep staircase.

Ashley grasped his arm as he came down, Garrus taking a few more shots. Vega leaped across too.

"Come on!" Shepard called to Anderson.

"I'm not going." Anderson called back. "Look around. There's still people here. They'll need leaders, but the fight is going to be out there."

"Earth first!" Ashley, Vega, and Shepard shouted in unison.

"Earth is lost." Anderson said firmly. "Our mission now is to make sure humanity doesn't follow. I'll buy you as long as I can, but get back fast. We need allies. A lot of allies. That's your job now."

"Admiral, come with us, please!" Ashley shouted. "Look around, what can you do here?"

"I can buy you time." Anderson said. "So don't waste it."

He was offering to buy time with human lives, including most likely, his own.

Ashley glanced at Shepard out of the corner of her eye. The panic was coming back. Anderson was volunteering for a suicide mission. A feeling they were all familiar with, but they were also familiar with burying the volunteers.

 _Kaidan was his friend too._  She reminded herself.

"The Council won't listen to me." Shepard said. "They're still bidding on who gets to pull the switch when I get the electric chair."

"Williams, go with him. Between two Spectres, and the wake-up call the galaxy just got... MAKE THEM HEAR US!"

There was a low moan coming behind them. A familiar tone. More Husks on the way.

Shepard grit his teeth. "I'm staying too."

"No you're not."

"Ashley can handle it!" Shepard roared. "I'm staying!"

"You're going." Anderson said, cold and deadly. "Look at your crew. You're the one we need out there."

"Y'know, I don't have to take your orders any more." Shepard shot back.

Anderson smiled. The first real smile of the day. He pulled a familiar set of tags out of his pocket and threw them across to the ship. "Consider yourself reactivated."

Williams could feel it from a full two feet to his left. It felt like Anderson was a judge, and had passed sentence on Shepard. Charging him with a new mission. The Commander pulled the tags around his neck, and suddenly seemed a foot taller and a million years old. Just like that, the trial was over, and he was back on duty.

"Court is Adjourned." Vega said under his breath.

"I'll be back." Shepard promised. "And I will bring friends. Enemies too. Anything that can fight."

"We'll buy you as long as we can." Anderson promised.

* * *

The door closed, and the ship started moving immediately. Shepard went to the console and keyed the microphone. "EDI."

"Online." The voice responded promptly.

"Tell Joker to rig the ship for Silent Running, and get us out of the engagement zone. Away from Earth Orbital." He sent Garrus a thick look. "This whole mission is for naught if we get vaped halfway out of atmo."

"That would be embarrassing." Garrus agreed, as the sounds of Normandy's machines started going quiet.

The four of them marched quickly. Vega peeled off to stow his weapon. Shepard was looking around curiously, noticing things had changed. The halls were full of people, working rapidly. All of them paused to salute as he walked by, returning to their tasks with typical military efficiency as he moved on. They were all wearing Alliance uniforms.

"We're on the clock now." Shepard told Garrus and Ashley. "Two clocks. We have to get enough forces on side before the Reapers obliterate all life in the galaxy, and before humanity is a memory."

"We are now at Silent Running." EDI reported dutifully.

The ship seemed amazingly still, like turning off most of the machines had turned her into a ghost town.

"Where's Miranda?" Shepard asked.

Joker bit his lip. "Anderson… did a deal. They don't come after any of the crew you had for the Collector mission, and in return, the Alliance gets the Normandy back. Anyone with a Cerberus uniform had to split."

Shepard sighed, adapting the situation in his mind quickly. Ashley felt for him. It seemed like every mission he had to start over.

"On the bright side..." Joker said lightly. "We got some great new toys. Wait'll you see the War Room."

Shepard nodded. "I think I need a debriefing. How long till we clear the hot zone?"

"At full Silent Running?" Joker checked his readouts. "There's a lot of... debris floating around. We could manoeuvre in and out of it easy, but at silent running... It'll take hours, at least."

Shepard shivered. Every hour made it that much more likely Humanity would be a dead race soon.

* * *

"Doctor T'Soni?"

Liara answered quickly. "Go ahead."

"I'm at the Phoenix Spaceport. The Dome has been breached."

"Are you all right?"

"I managed to get to a shelter, but once I got a suit, I didn't stay. If I had, the authorities would have realised I was here on a false passport. As it happens, that saved my life. The Reapers have hit all the pressurized zones. Including the shelters?"

Liara shut her eyes. "Any survivors?"

"None that I've found. I also checked the manifest. The Liner meant to bring Subject Zero has not landed."

"I'm not surprised. I would be stunned if it had survived. The Invaders did not focus on military craft. Are you reading anything still active in orbit?"

"I couldn't tell you if there was." The answer came. "There's a lot of interference... What about your position?"

"No activity yet." Liara responded. "We had better keep this brief, before someone tracks the signal."

"Yes Ma'am. What do I do now?"

"Get somewhere safe." Liara said, and disconnected. "Just hope Shepard gets here soon." She whispered under her breath.

There was a sudden boom in the air, and Liara ducked automatically. More sonic-booms followed, as something entered the atmosphere at many times the speed of sound, slowing down in the Martian atmosphere. Liara scanned the sky, and found the source. Even at that distance, with the white hot air building up around it, she could tell. It wasn't a Reaper.

It was a Blue Suns transport.

Liara drew her handgun reflexively, as a line of fire was drawn... heading toward her outpost. If the Blue Suns were coming in that fast, they were hoping to take her by surprise. She had no idea how the Blue Suns had found out...

A moment later, her jaw dropped as it became clear that this was not an ambush. The ship was totally out of control, in a free-fall. Liara was trying to figure out which way to run when the nose of the ship pitched downward pointedly, and the ship slammed several hundred feet short of her. The ground shook with the force of the impact. What was left of the ship was barely recognizable as the dust settled, and Liara stared at it in shock.

Liara ran forward, the crash close enough that the Rover wasn't needed, and she armed her weapon carefully, senses on full alert as she crept closer to the wreck. The crash was somewhat controlled, having skidded the last part of the... 'landing'. She went looking for the emergency hatch, and found it, every bit as twisted and mangled as the rest of the wreck.

A moment later, there was the sound of something banging on the inside of the hull, and Liara jumped aside as the hatch burst off it's hinges, flying forward in a flash of blue fire.

A familiar lean figure in a pressure suit that didn't fit climbed out, and Liara couldn't help the smile. "You survived."

"It's what I do." Jack growled. "If you want to keep your little outpost a secret, quit making phone calls while the rest of the planet burns." Still snarling, she stalked into the Base without looking back at the Asari. "I need a shower."

"Welcome to Mars, Meska'Jah." Liara said after her, somewhat amused.

* * *

Shepard came into his room and let out a breath like he'd been holding it for a two months. In a way, he had been. His room hadn't appreciably changed at least.

Except for the fact that on his couch was a familiar set of curves. Ashley was waiting for him, dressed comfortably, but with her face and hair done like she was getting ready for a night's prowl in a nightclub somewhere.

She was curled up with a book, her feet curled under her. She smiled up at him as he walked in. "Hi." She drawled.

Shepard gestured at the door. "I know  _I_  didn't get the wrong room."

"I was trying to find a book to read, and what's left of my library on the Normandy 1 is here." She demurred. "Besides, I don't have a bunk. I'm not technically crew." She smiled brilliantly. "Just like old times, huh?"

Shepard tilted the book in her hand to see the title. "Dante's Inferno?" He blurted. "You felt the day wasn't heavy enough?"

Ashley read a passage aloud.  _"The better to prepare you for strange truth, let me explain those shapes you see ahead: they are not towers but giants. They stand in the well from the naval down; and stationed round its bank they mount guard on the final pit of Hell."_

"Whatever brought that to mind?" Shepard remarked drolly, and sat down beside her. She shut the book and laid her head on his shoulder, bringing his arm up to go around her. His fingers began stroking her hair automatically, and she sighed happily. It was such an easy familiar position for them, like the three years in between had barely happened. "I missed this." She said softly, relaxing into him happily. "During the trial, I wanted to just… have  _this_  back every night. It was hard, waiting till we could actually be alone instead of pretending we were."

Shepard didn't answer her.

"What are you thinking?" Ashley asked him quietly. "You've been barely holding it together since we left earth."

"Haven't we all?"

"Yeah, but you aren't like the rest of the crew. You get more worked up about small tragedies than big planet killing ones." She said warmly. "It's why you can care so much about a total stranger. Stuff like what happened today make us fall apart, it just makes you calmer and smarter." She climbed down from the couch, and came around to kneel in front of him, putting them eye to eye. "So what happened?"

Long silence.

"There was a kid." Shepard croaked. "In the building… in the duct-work. There was a kid, couldn't be more than six. He was a SlumRat. I knew the type. I  _am_  the type. We made our living by scavenging or stealing. We were small enough to get through the air-vents, and they were narrow enough to hide from gangs and lawmen. The kid was there to find food or something he could sell. They grabbed everyone they could and put them on evacuation ships… The ship that kid was on never made it forty feet off the ground. He was… me. Twenty years ago, twenty five, I would have been in there with him. Human Vermin that nobody likes to talk about."

Ashley had nothing to say. She just leaned in closer, brought her other arm up to hug him tightly.

"Ash, how the hell did I ever get from there to here?" He croaked into her hair.

"John, there are SlumRats, and there are boys that happen to be born into Slums." She told him. "You are… exceptional. Someone like you is not meant to be a nobody from nowhere for long. You rose to the top, John. You were made for better things."

"Is it enough?"

"It is for me. But… You remember all those prospecting missions we kept getting given when we were in the Terminus systems?"

Shepard choked out a laugh. "Hell. Sixteen hours driving the MAKO around empty worlds looking for probes and mineral deposits. Most tedious part of the life."

"Did you never wonder why I always came with you?" She asked him. "It wasn't because I enjoyed the damn tin can. It was you. Because when we were both there… it didn't seem so bad. You got the biggest heart I know John, but you can't carry the whole galaxy alone. Don't lay all that on your shoulders. Not unless you're willing to lay it on mine too."

Shepard was silent for a million years, before his arms came up and wrapped around her waist. She stepped forward, straddling his knees, sitting in his lap as they held each other, like they used to do a lifetime ago.

Shepard pulled back enough to look up at her. "You and me, Ash. We'll hold the galaxy together yet."

"Damn straight we will." She agreed, and kissed him. It was their first serious kiss since his 'death'. It was familiar and comforting and warm and just perfect…

Too perfect. Shepard pulled away. "Ash." He stopped her. "Before we do this… there's something you have to know."

Ashley's face changed and she got up quickly, stepping away from him pointedly. "There's someone else." She said. It was not a question.

"There  _was_." Shepard confirmed. "It's over now, but I needed to be honest with you. It was after Horizon, it lasted all of two weeks, but-"

"Tali?"

"What?" Shepard was stunned. "No, not Tali, why would you think Tali?"

"John, she was nuts about you three years ago, she still is now. I know you think of her as a kid sister but if I can tell she's not a kid anymore, you can too."

"It wasn't her." Shepard got back to the point. "She's not on the ship any more. She's not coming back. But I wanted you to know…"

The mood was dead, but not broken. Ashley nodded softly. She knew that the Normandy had lost people on the Collector Mission, and was still kicking herself that she hadn't come along. She knew better than to press for details. "Okay."

Shepard nodded, glad to have that out of the way. He held out a hand to her, and she took it, sitting in next to him on the couch. She kissed him again, as they reclined on the couch, resting her head over his heartbeat. He leaned into her in response. It was intimate and comfortable and warm.

"Shepard?" EDI's voice chimed. "We have passed through the Reaper's outer perimeter. We can safely leave silent running."

"So. Where are we going?" Ashley asked softly, tilting her head to look up at him.

He met her gaze. His answer to EDI was simple and frightening. "Mars."

"Understood."

There was a beat of silence after that, and Shepard and Ashley could hear the ship coming alive, powering up for flight. At full burn, Mars would take less than an hour.

"Mars is the site of the battle." Ashley told him. "Martian perimeter was where the counter-attack was prepped. We looking for survivors? Get some reinforcements?"

"Ash, the battle is over. The Reapers have reached earth, and that means that there's nobody left alive for them to kill at Mars any more. No survivors to help us."

"Then why are we going?"

"To ask help from the dead."


	5. Everything Burns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll find some elements of the story that don't fit with Canon. That's because I was writing it before Release, and then while I was playing it. The changes won't affect the story much.

As great as it was to see Liara again, Shepard was hoping to avoid gunfire for a few hours. It was less than a day since the Reapers had shown them a new level in destruction.

The sound of gunshots chased them as they ran through the base, running past bodies as they moved deeper into the base, Liara leading them to the archives.

"Almost hard to believe it was named after the God of War." Vega commented as they took cover.

"Liara, do we need to worry about friendlies?" Shepard demanded.

"I have one other in the Archives, but I don't know if she's alive. As a matter of fact, its..."

"Lookout!" Shepard grabbed the Asari by the wrist and pulled her quickly behind different cover as their attackers flanked them. Shepard brought up his pistol, his quick-draw legendary across eight worlds. The battle was heated, but short, and the Alliance soldiers crept up on the corpses, making sure they weren't faking.

"Cerberus?" Ashley hissed once she saw the familiar insignia.

Shepard felt a spike go through him. The Illusive Man didn't forgive, and he certainly didn't forget. "What the hell are they doing here?"

"Don't you know?" Ashley asked, and immediately regret it.

"Et Tu Ash?" Shepard was stunned. "For anyone who may actually think I'm  _not_  full of it, I was never part of them. I ate their food, used their ship, and fried the Collectors, and then I told them where they could put the rest of their agenda."

"I know..." Ashley conceded immediately. "It's just... The Tribunal was right about one thing. They went to a hell of a lot of trouble to bring you back. And you've never closed the door on anything that might be useful later. I figured you might have some links... an informant, a friend on the inside?"

"And when would he have contacted them?" Vega pointed out. "He's been under strict watch since he turned himself over." Vega tried valiantly not to smirk. "Not as much as he could have been, of course."

Ashley and Shepard both found something fascinating to look at as they ran to the tram station.

* * *

Liara keyed the door to the tram station, and the large hatch opened...

Giving them a real good view of the enormous mounted turrets that was swiveling toward them.

Shepard started to shout for them to take cover, but far too late. The huge guns opened up with a furious burst of hellfire, the roar of the guns loud enough to deafen them all, the machine reaction times too fast for them to so much as duck...

They all closed their eyes instinctively. No time to react, barely enough to realize. They were dead.

The gunfire continued, and the whole team dared to peek...

A wall of blue light shimmered in the center of the hallway. A biotic barrier.

As the gun continued firing, the whole team could see the bullets smashing against it, suspended in place. Hundreds of them, thousands of them...

The huge turret overheated, and paused, venting steam as it cooled. The biotic field vanished instantly, the thousands of bullets dropping to the floor like rain. A moment later the turret turned again to face them...

Blue fire flashed across the barrel of the gun, and the huge turret actually caved in, crushing inwards like a crumpled can.

Shepard knew even before he turned. There was nothing else like it. The faint smell of ozone, the frenzied breathing that came from feral combat...

Sure enough. It was Jack. She stalked up behind them. "How did you idiots ever survive without me?"

She saw the exact moment of realization on his face. The exact moment that their eyes met. A shock ran through him. And her. She had changed.

She was wearing the leather belts as usual, with the jacket of a pressure suit over the top, worn open in her typical aggressive style. She had grown her hair out, now with a pony-tail and a short Mohawk.

_Huh._ A distant corner of Shepard's mind noted.  _Would have thought she was a redhead..._

And then Jack stopped looking at him, and looked back at his team. She recognized Garrus instantly. Then her gaze fixed on Ashley.

Ashley looked back. No words were needed, no introductions. Ashley was a Spectre now, and she recognized the fact that everyone was looking from her, to Jack, to Shepard and back again.

Liara saw the tension starting to build, and kept on message. "I have to get to the archives, see what Cerberus left us."

Liara left them then, heading downstairs. Jack calmly walked up to the team, and paused, less than two feet from them. Despite themselves, everyone who had been on the Normandy 1 Crew backed away a little bit, giving the three of them some extra room.

Shepard couldn't help the glance at Ashley. Ashley was noticing the way Garrus was glancing back and forth between Jack and her.

Jack had noticed it too. She recognized Ashley of course, from the photo in Shepard's cabin. She just looked at the Spectre like a bug to be crushed.

Shepard could see the exact moment the light-bulb went off in Ashley's mind, and she gave Jack a look, up and down. Her eyes focused on the tattoos, the haircut, the outfit… and she just... reacted. "Really?" Ashley's voice was incredulous. "I mean...  _seriously_ , Skipper?"

Jack ignored that completely. "Well." She told Shepard. "Didn't take you long."

"Shepard! We have trouble!" Liara called from the next level down.

"Oh thank god." Shepard breathed.

"Cerberus stole the data! You got incoming! Be careful, she's fast!"

They barely got the warning before the woman came up the ladder, heading for the main hallway. Those with weapons drawn started shooting instantly. If the bullets came anywhere near her, it didn't show.

She ran straight at them, unafraid. She came closer as fast a freight train.

Jack moved fast, hurling a shockwave in her path, head on. The woman leaped, clearing the shockwave, and the Normandy Crew in one jump. She didn't even seem to be breathing hard.

Shepard moved fast, chasing after her, her mercurial speed enough to lead them all the way back to the airlock.

"MASK'S ON!" Shepard snapped, grabbing for his helmet as the mystery woman leaped through the view-port, the atmosphere rushing out after her. Vega was ready first, and climbed out after her, his size working against him.

The others had their gear ready soon after, trying to keep up.

"VEGA! WAIT FOR US!" Shepard roared.

Vega ignored him, charging like a tank.

The mystery woman made it to her shuttle and climbed inside quickly.

Vega didn't chase her, running to the Normandy shuttle. Their shuttle landed recently, the engines still at 'ready' status, whereas she had to start her engines up from scratch. Vega saw his chance and hit the afterburners, digging a gash in the tile and metal of the landing pad. The shuttle became a battering ram. He barely had enough altitude to keep from crashing himself, and he met the slowly lifting Cerberus craft head on.

The Mystery Woman was knocked off course, her shuttle rolling once from the impact, slamming into the refueling station. The explosion was quick and vicious.

Vega worked the controls quickly, trying madly not to kill himself. He landed hard enough that he stayed upright, though it likely didn't do the shuttle a lot of good.

The rest of the Normandy crew had got the door open, and Shepard stormed the landing craft as Vega climbed out. "What the hell was that?" Shepard demanded.

"It worked didn't it?" Jack called from behind them.

Vega started to answer the commander when there came a banging sound from the shuttle wreck. The Team turned to look... And out of the burning debris stepped a gleaming chrome shape. It was bizarrely feminine, unnaturally so. But it was strong, and it was fast, and it moved with mercurial wrath, no longer content to run, now on the attack. Garrus barely had time to turn with the blow as she struck a blow powerful enough to dent his armor inward, and send him skidding across the pad. Vega was next. The huge mountain of a man tried to get a hold of 'her' arm, and the Machine tossed him back and forth over her had, in a flawless double axle, taking him straight off his feet.

The Machine turned to face Shepard, and suddenly Ashley was right there between them, bringing her rifle up. The machine caught Ashley by the face-mask, and hoisted her off the ground, too fast to follow.

"ASH!" Shepard shouted as the Machine slammed her down again. He could see gusts of condensation as her suit breached, her face smashed.

Jack's skin flashed with blue fire again, throwing her hands forward. The woman was suddenly wrapped in a shield, and she smashed at it, pneumatic fists slamming against the invisible walls around her.

Shepard put his pistol away, drew something bigger, in now particular hurry.

Jack bared her teeth under her face-mask. "If you're planning on doing anything..." She growled. "Do it. Now."

Shepard slapped in the armor piercing rounds, and took aim, taking his time to do it right. "Now!"

The barrier dropped instantly, and Shepard let the thing have it.

As Shepard knocked it down, the rest of his team gathered themselves. The whole fight had lasted less than eight seconds.

Eight seconds, and one casualty.

"ASH? ASH?" Shepard demanded, throwing himself down next to her. When she didn't respond, he quickly lifted her, trying to keep her prone. "BACK TO THE SHIP!"

* * *

"She needs more than I can do for her here." Chakwas said gravely. "How long till we reach the Citadel?"

"Another hour." Liara thought aloud.

Jack never took her eyes off Shepard. Shepard never took his eyes of Ashley.

Tali slipped over next to Garrus. "Hull Breach waiting to happen."

The Turian nodded.

Jack turned on her heel, and stalked out without a word.

* * *

They made it to the Citadel and announced they had a wounded Spectre. It got them to the head of the queue. There were hundreds of ships lining up. More on the way. Warships, transports, medical ships... Anything that could fly.

Jack had kicked aside all the junk that the Alliance construction crews had dumped down in the Pit, and turned a crate on it's side to make a place to sit. Or sleep.

_Sleep..._ Jack thought miserably. She unscrewed one of her spare heat-sinks, revealing it to be hollow. She tipped out the pills, grabbed a handful of them, and swallowed them dry. Stretching out on the crate, she shut her eyes, and pretended to sleep. Usually the pills would do it.

But not this time.

Jack wanted badly to have Shepard back on board. She wanted to climb in next to him and sleep like the dead, for just one night. She wanted him to whisper something nice to her and she would breathe him in slowly, and the universe would be far away, and the bad stuff would be far away, and the crew would leave them alone, and everything would be back the way it was.

Meeting Williams had been... unexpected. She hadn't expected him to find her again so fast, though she knew that he still loved the Alliance soldier, even while they were together. At the time, she didn't care. She didn't expect either of them to live out the month, and she... needed what they had far too much. There was no future for them, and she knew it, so she didn't call him on it.

But she wanted to. She didn't want Ashley to  _die_  exactly, she just wanted everyone else to just go away and leave her and Shepard in peace so that they could whisper soft forgiving things in the dark again.

"Attention, All Hands. Prepare for Departure." The PA announced.

Jack blinked. They had been on the Citadel less than two hours. They were supposed to be organizing a massive counter-attack... To say nothing of Williams...

_Bad news._ Jack thought to herself, and got up. She made her way upstairs, trying to avoid everyone she could, which led her to rooms that weren't there a month before.

* * *

"You're not serious." Garrus blurted.

"I know." Tali wailed. "I can't tell him. I can't face him!"

"Tali, you're not going to run out on him without saying goodbye." Garrus said plainly. "It would a an awful. And something that's happened before, I might add. You have to go, then fine. Another terrible thing that's happened before. But you at least have to tell him."

Tali stared at her shoes, and finally nodded.

"Tell him now, before we find out whether or not Ash is going to live." Garrus advised. "You can either be bad news, or bad news on top of worse news."

Tali nodded. "Oh Keelah, what do I say?"

* * *

The Clinic was the best on the Citadel. Ashley was a Spectre, which granted her a private recovery room. Assuming she recovered. A luxury that was worth all the more. The Clinic was filled up, the rooms having triple numbers, the hallways full of cots, nurses moving back and forth between cots, stacked on top of each other like bunk-beds. The refugee crisis was getting worse.

Shepard was pacing out front of the OR. Tali slipped in next to him. "Hi." She said, not looking at him. "Liara says it was worth it. We got plans for some big Reaper-Buster gun."

"Hackett knows. He's building it." Shepard looked through her. "She's still in surgery."

"I have to leave." Tali blurted, trying to get it out before she lost her nerve.

"I tried to get her family on the line, any of them. Extra-net isn't even registering Earth Beacons, let alone communications. I can't find anyone."

"I won't be coming back." Tali added.

"I used my Spectre Clearance, and found out she had a newly minted brother in law in the Alliance military... I don't dare try and contact his Unit..."

"Shepard, this is  _goodbye_." Tali pressed.

"Military Units are being fried a dozen platoons a shot." Shepard continued, before his eyes suddenly refocused. "What?"

"I... shouldn't be telling you this. The Admiralty has recalled... everyone." Tali explained." All out Units, all our ships, everyone on Pilgrimage. We're all under orders to return to the fleet."

Shepard's face hardened. "They're running, aren't they? They're bugging out, leaving the planets to burn."

"I think... I think so."

Shepard looked... sad. The list of things in his universe seemed to be shrinking rapidly.

Tali stepped forward and took his hand gently. "I  _have_  to go. I... I have no idea where I'll be next week."

Shepard nodded thickly. "Tali... I know I should say something, but... I got no words."

"I know." She said forgivingly. "Give Ashley a hug for me?"

"If I can." Shepard whispered.

Tali felt for him. He was carrying the whole galaxy on his back, and the weight was breaking him at last. He had the most to carry, because he had known. He had been screaming into the wind for three years and nobody would listen, and now he was blaming himself when they all died.

Tali longed to hold him. It was not a new feeling. She also knew he thought of her like a kid sister. He loved her, wanted to protect her, but he would never share his pain with her. The man who made it part of the Normandy's mission to sort out her personal problems, as well as the problems of everyone else on the ship, and he would never ask anyone to help him.

Except for Ash and Jack. And both of them had walked away.

And then come back.

"Shepard... John." Tali began to say. "Thank you. For... everything. I hope that... that one day, the universe will remember what you did for it, and be worthy of all the work you put into saving it. I... I hope I can be too."

Shepard finally smiled, just a little. "Tali... you always were."

Tali looked down, sniffing a bit. "Am I still... Are  _we_  still..." She peeked up at him. "Are we still friends?"

Shepard put an arm around her, as they watched Ashley get put back together by frantically working surgeons. "More than friends." Shepard said quietly. "Family."

* * *

Garrus came around the curve of the bulkhead, and found Jack tracing her fingers of the Memorial. Names they both knew, names neither of them had ever heard before...

"Did Shepard put this up?" Jack asked finally.

Garrus shook his head. "The Alliance did when they got Normandy back. Shepard had them add a few names. The ones we lost on the Collector Mission. Alliance fought him on it, said they weren't officially part of the team, and the Collector Mission was illegal, so... Shepard carved them in himself."

Jack nodded, her hands falling to her sides.  _Sentimental bastard._

Garrus sighed. "The Council said no."

Jack barely reacted.

"They're freaking out " Garrus continued when she didn't answer. "They figure as long as the Reapers are throwing everything they got at Earth, they'll live longer."

Jack didn't blink. She had never seen Earth.

Garrus tried again. "Shepard is ready to strangle someone. I think he went back to his quarters. It's the first time we've gotten a break since the Reapers, and once we get to where we're going... This is gonna get a whole lot worse before it gets better."

Jack's lip twitched slightly at that.

"Shepard has this idea to ignore the Council and get allies ourselves. It's a big job. It's never been done before."

Silence.

"Williams?" Jack asked, the first time she had spoken.

"Will live." Garrus confirmed.

Jack didn't react.

Garrus tried again. "Why'd you come back?"

Jack didn't answer. Garrus honestly didn't think she had one.

The Turian probed gently. "Jack... you can tell yourself that you're not sentimental, but the thing is, all the names you might want carved on this wall? Tell me you don't already have them tattooed all over yourself."

Jack twitched, but didn't answer.

Garrus nodded, like that was exactly what he expected. "We're shipping out soon. Ashley will have to stay in the Citadel Hospital a while, but... That won't last forever."

Jack shrugged. "I don't care. I'm not with him any more, remember? You thought I was getting coffee all that time? He can spread it around as far as he likes. I got nothing to say to him."

* * *

Shepard looked exhausted as he opened the door. "Since when do you knock?"

Jack stepped forward and smashed her mouth against his savagely. He didn't respond right away, and she tried harder, almost climbing up his body.

He pulled his mouth away. "Wait."

"We got time." She hissed like a cat. "Don't tell me you haven't just been waiting for a chance." She attacked again.

"Jack.  **Stop**." Shepard snapped.

It was like a bucket of ice-water had been thrown on her; and she stepped back to arms-length. He looked as exhausted as she felt, and she wondered if maybe he wasn't sleeping either...

"So. It's like that then?" Jack said finally. "You and Williams, I mean?"

Shepard sighed hard. "There's no way to put this off?"

"Put what off?" Jack challenged. "You're with her again, just say so."

"I don't know. All right? I don't know! I thought I was, because I sure as sin never thought you'd come back into my life!"

Jack spun in surprise. Shepard had never snapped at her before. He was the only one in her life that hadn't. She looked at his face for the first time and it hit her suddenly. He was pissed. He was mad at her for the first time.

Shepard growled low under his breath, running a hand through his hair in frustration. Jack damn near purred at the sound. Just because he was the only one ever to be gentle with her didn't mean she didn't like him when he was dangerous.

"Jack, what the hell do you want from me?" He demanded finally. "I've never betrayed your trust. Same for Ashley. I told you that. I've never lied to you and I won't start now. But I am so pissed at both of you I want to scream. You both walked out, and I really didn't deserve it either time, and now you're both here. What the hell am I supposed to do with either of you?"

"I don't know." Jack said quietly. "I really don't."

"Ash took such a beating, and I can't even be there right now, because I have to go and beg strangers to help before you and I are members of a dead race. Do you have an idea how many people I have held vigil over while they hovered at death's door? I don't like it! I got a wall full of  _names_  Jack! And those are just the ones that didn't make it!"

"I know." Jack said quietly, adjusting her view of the Ashley situation. Shepard would have reacted the same way for her, or for that matter, for Joker. One of his was bleeding, and Mr-Fixit-Boy-Scout-Of-The-World couldn't help.

Shepard was still ranting. "In the meantime, we've got another thing going on. Just a little thing called the extinction of all galactic civilization! People are dying by the millions, and like an idiot, I went and volunteered to do something about it. I can't have this fight with you Jack. I need everyone to at least be civil with each other till the stars stop going out. Scratch that, we need to be a team here. We've all risked our lives for each other, and the stakes are higher than they've been, anywhere in the galaxy for ten thousand years. So Jack, can we please, just for now, just this once, be smart?"

Jack met his gaze coldly, finally stepping into the ring. "I handled working with Miranda. I can handle Williams once she's back. But if you're gonna be 'smart enough' not to sleep with me again, you should think about going to her room, because you need to get laid worse than I do apparently."

Shepard sighed. He had gone too far. "Jack-"

But she was already gone.

* * *

She stayed away for nearly three hours. It was not a new situation. He'd say something, she'd run away, she'd do a slow boil , rehearsing all the things she should have said a billion times, and go charging back, fully intending to conquer…

He was gone. Jack noticed the view out his view-port. They were in real space again... She saw distant weapons fire...

* * *

Jack came sprinting into the Shuttlebay. Shepard was heading down to the planet, with Garrus and Liara. Jack caught his eye at the gun-bench. She looked the question to him, and he picked up his rifle pointedly. Jack didn't wilt, didn't even blink. She just took his place at the gun-bench, and laid out her shotgun. She worked with it for a while, trying not to think. She started putting the bits back together when she realized she had company.

"He doesn't trust me either yet." Vega said quietly. "Not like Garrus or Liara."

"After that stunt on Mars? You blame him?" Jack asked. "Shepard is... He'll give you a thousand second chances, and he'll make you family. But he hates being disappointed. He gets disappointed when people hurt themselves and don't have to." She stroked a finger over her wrists absently.

"How do you know him?" Vega asked.

"I disappointed him." Jack said without hesitation.

"You don't strike me as the kind to care what people think."

"Shepard's not people." Jack said, and finished working on the shotgun. She stalked out without another word.

* * *

Liara looked up as her door opened. "Meska'Jah." She said with a smile when she saw Jack come in. "What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering… What could you tell me about Williams?" Jack swore colorfully under her breath the moment she said it.  _Dammit Zero, when did you become such a_ _girl_ _!_

Liara took it in stride. "I'm The Shadow Broker, Jack. I could probably tell you what she had for lunch on her first day of school."

"Well… start with three years ago."

Liara knew exactly what the tattooed woman was asking for. The Asari handed her a pad instantly, with information indexed on it already.

Jack didn't bother to thank her, or register surprise that she'd anticipated the question. She just took the screen and went back to her Pit.

* * *

Waiting for him to get back, Jack started looking through the information Liara had given her.

There was footage of various fire-fights, of them protecting each other, striking and defending in turns. There were glamor shots of them getting medals for saving the Citadel, a few candid shots of them together when they didn't know anyone was looking, standing shoulder to shoulder, overlooking Illium...

_God, they look right together. Attractive, smart, confident, dangerous, dynamic…_

_Equals._

_Partners._

Jack felt a great calm sweep over her.  _Yes. They belong together. Look at them. They fit. They make sense. You don't make sense. It cannot work with him. You knew that. That's why you left._

_Leaving was a mistake._

_Not the worst one you've made. Might even be a smart move for once. Maybe that's why you came back, to settle that. Closure?_

_You've never wanted closure before. You want him. You want this. You're in love._

_Wouldn't be the first time you don't get what you want. This time… would actually be an easier heartache to live with. If you tried to make it work… he won't choose you over her. And if he did, it still wouldn't work. Isn't it better to bow out than to stay and make him hate you?_

_You're talking to yourself again, you crazy bitch, do you realize that?_

_Oh shut up._

The pills were making her head spin, and she passed out, clutching the screen to her chest.

* * *

Shepard hadn't slept, yet again. Garrus commented that the wear was starting to show. He hadn't slept since blowing up the Relay. What little rest he got was haunted by nightmares of earth.

And of Mars. The memory of the sickening crack when Ash's head was slammed that way... He couldn't even make out her face beneath the bruises and swelling on the Citadel. They said she wuld recover, and he knew her spirit was strong...

The Master-chief at Boot said that rest was a weapon. He said that a soldier had practical limits, as did any weapon, and needed to be maintained... Shepard hadn't slept more than a few hours in weeks. What rest he had made him feel more exhausted when he woke up than he did when collapsing.

Giving up again, he went to the mess hall. The crew gave him a wide berth these days, afraid of him; afraid for him. They all knew the weight he was carrying and didn't dare intrude on his thoughts or his company...

He stared at his eggs for a while, when he caught the scent of ozone and gunpowder. Sure enough, Jack was sitting down right next to him. "Hey."

"Hey." Shepard said coolly.

Long silence.

"I ain't never apologized for anything in my  _life_." Jack said. "So... I'm sorry."

Shepard just looked at her.

"About last night." She clarified.

Shepard just looked at her.

"Say something." She told him. "Scream at me, hit me with your tray, just... say something."

Long beat.

"Why didn't you say goodbye?" Shepard asked finally.

Jack shivered, glancing around. Nobody wanted to intrude on Shepard's business, and certainly not Jack's. "If I tried..." She said finally. "If I tried, I never would have been able to."

Silence.

"I thought I would never see you again. I figured that was the end of our story." Shepard said finally. "I'm used to that; it's life of a soldier. Especially during a war. You go somewhere, you fight with someone, you save their life, they save yours, then you get sent worlds away and you hear a month or two later they died, or more often or not you hear nothing at all." He took a deep sip of his coffee. "It's the life of a soldier."

Silence.

Shepard tried again. "Jack... if we weren't on a suicide mission, would we have gone as far as we did?"

Long silence.

"When I was four years old, they sent a spider into my cell." Jack said, speaking softly enough that they couldn't be overheard. "A nice big hairy one. I freaked out a little. They asked me if I was scared of it. I said yes. I was four years old, and scared of spiders. Big deal, right? They filled my room with sleep gas, and when I woke up, I was in a box about the size and shape of a coffin, with a thousand spiders just like the one that scared me. I screamed bloody murder, and we were packed in so tight they were crawling into my screaming mouth. Next day, I woke up back in my cell, and they sent in a rat. They asked me if I was scared of it. I looked them square in the eyes, grabbed the rat and killed it with my  _teeth_." Jack said, no anger, no fear, no fury. "I haven't admitted to being scared of anything since I was four years old."

Shepard didn't dare show sympathy on his face. He just met her eyes, waiting for the point.

"You scare me." Jack said softly. "I left and… I devolved. I really thought I was getting better, but when I was gone…"

Shepard took her hand gently, and she froze. But he just turned her hand over. "No scars. You've stopped cutting?"

"Uh-huh." Jack sniffed.

"I don't smell tobacco. You stopped smoking?"

"Yeah…"

"You've got hair now. It looks good on you."

Jack sniffed, staring at her tray, pulling her hand back, coiling in on herself again.

"Seems like progress to me." Shepard offered.

"Yeah, but..." Jack sniffed a little. "It's different now, isn't it? Nothing's the same any more."

Her words proved to be prophetic.

* * *

Nevertheless, they went on the next mission together. It proved to be the right choice. While Liara and Jack held up a barrier against almost two dozen Reaper Brutes, protecting themselves, Vega, and Garrus; Shepard and Mordin ran on ahead to the lab.

Jack didn't believe the things she'd half heard over the radio from underground. She'd seen the Thresher Maw before, even helped kill one, but when the hammer strike rumbled through their feet, making the ground shake, even from that far away, Jack simply couldn't believe what she was looking at. Her brain refused delivery on what her eyes were telling her.

It was an incredible sensory overload. Jack hadn't felt so psyched since the Collector base. It was just too much, coming too fast. Too many Reaper-evils, the mother of them all standing directly ahead, trying to crush their puny nothing bodies with it's feet! The ground wouldn't stop shaking, and everyone was shooting, and everyone was screaming, and Jack was struggling not to have an accident she was so jazzed. This was exactly how her story was supposed to end! It would be a good death.

And then it just got bigger and badder!

The beast from beneath the sands was... Massive. Even against a Reaper it was terrifyingly huge. The ship was a shadow on even Jack's poison soul, but the thing just leaped out of the ground and damn near swallowed it whole.

The attacking Brutes were knocked off their feet, as was the Normandy crew, and a team of Krogan Warriors chose exactly the right moment to come to their rescue.

But nobody could really take their eyes off the clash of the titans. It was off-the-charts how EPIC it was, the Reaper outright panicking under the fangs of an Unholy Thresher God, constricting around it like a boa constrictor, pulling the whole thing deep into the earth.

"DID YOU  _SEE_  THAT?" Jack shrieked orgasmicly, even as the Krogan threw their heads back in a victory roar. "DID YOU SEE THAT?"

Everyone was just staring in brain lock at where the two monsters were a moment ago, and Jack was leaping up and down, on the high of the century, almost doing cartwheels from the rush. "SERIOUSLY! DID YOU  **SEE**  THAT?"

And then the Shroud sent up a plume of white clean 'snow' a tribute to something wonderful happening. The Krogan assembled reached out and touched it, nearly bursting into tears. The end of a century of waiting for something that was never going to come.

_Until today. Until Shepard._

If he'd been there, Jack would have pounced, even with all of them around. She loved him. She knew that now.

_I would even share with Ashley if he insists. Where the hell is he? Doesn't he realize what a sure thing I am right now?_

And then the Shroud collapsed in flames.

Jack pointed, still bouncing. "DID YOU SEE THAT?"

* * *

Shepard came to them at last, moving slowly, head down.

She ran at him, waving her arms dementedly. "SHEPARD!  **DID YOU SEE THAT?**  GET OVER HERE! I"M GOING TO DO YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW! DID YOU SEE THAT?"

She skidded to a halt the second she saw his face. "What?" She demanded. "Hey! Buzz-Kill! What the hell could  _possibly_  be wrong?"

Shepard looked up to face her. "Mordin's dead."

* * *

She stood with him while they added his name to the Memorial.

Garrus came by. "We're in business." The Turian said grandly. "Anyone on Tuchanka that can't 'negotiate a breeding contract' tonight might as well go out and marry a tree." He drawled. "You did it Shepard. I don't know how you did it, but you did it. A Turian-Krogan Alliance. Never thought I'd see..." The Turian looked closer. "Shepard? You don't look so good."

Shepard just looked through him, not having an answer.

Garrus sent Jack a look. She nodded slightly.

"Get some sleep you two. You earned it." Garrus said lightly, and moved on.

"Come on sexy. Take me to bed and ravish me." Jack told Shepard. "I won't even let Ash find out."

Shepard didn't answer.

"Shepard? I'm not kidding. This was  _exactly_  my kind of day. If I get some before midnight, and round it out with a few hours of actual sleep, it counts as the best day of my life. Wanna make it perfect?"

Long silence.

"I could have saved him." Shepard whispered. If he'd heard a word she said, it didn't show.

Jack sighed. "You say that about  _every_  name on the-"

"No, I mean..." Shepard rubbed his eyes. "I got an offer. If I sabotaged the cure, then the Salarians would build the damn superweapon. I told Mordin, and he... I traded the Krogan for the Salarian, and that  _may yet_ come back to bite us in the ass."

Jack didn't have anything to say to that. She grabbed him by the collar and pulled him toward the elevator. He didn't fight it.

* * *

Jack licked her lips as they made it to his room. She was almost carrying him. If she pushed the moment a little, she could probably stay the night...

But instead, and without really knowing the reason, she put him in bed and tucked him in. He was too baked to talk to her. Adrenaline had faded, and taken him from super-human to barely alive.

"I can hear them." Shepard whispered in exhaustion. "All the names on that wall. I can hear them. They talk to me when I sleep. They blame me." His voice was so hollow that Jack almost expected to see a Husk looking back at her. "They stay with me."

Jack sat on the edge of his bed, stroked his face for a while. Adrenaline had faded from her too, making her hollow and numb inside. She was coming down from a high. A feeling she knew well.

Finally, she went back to her room and took a handful of pills to make her sleep.

_Why didn't you stay with him?_

_Because I'm not the one he wants._

_You don't know that._

_Neither does he._

_He needs sleep too._

Jack's spinning head carried her to oblivion before she could get up and go back to his room.

* * *

The Reapers were spreading like a tidal wave. The only thing that spread faster was the fear. The irrational dread of the monster under the bed now released on every species.

The Normandy Crew tried not to watch the news. Most of it was speculation, a lot of it was panic, and only very little of it was proven.

Cerberus was the wild-card. Nobody could tell what they were doing. They were doing everything in their power to destroy the Fragile Alliance that the Normandy was playing host to, and nobody could understand why a pro-human group would so violently oppose a fleet gathering to save Earth.

Nobody had heard from Tali in over three weeks. She had never been incommunicado this long. There where whispers from the Spectres that the Quarian Fleet was in hiding, the only race without a world or a colony to be Reaped. Quarians were omnipresent in the galaxy, and now they were gone. When the drifters went to ground, only people like Shepard took notice and he was worried about one of his closest friends.

Shepard took his banner to the battlefields. Where he had friends, he recruited, where he had enemies, he earned, where he had neither, he proved worthy. Armies began to mesh in a way never seen before. The Reapers forcing alliances to form of desperation, and Shepard drawing them together under one banner.

Shepard's name was whispered in awe when Allers announced to the galaxy that the Turian-Krogan Alliance was real. Krogan were marching to save the Turian perimeter. Turian warships were fighting for humanity, with compliments of Commander John Shepard.

In a week of impossible unbelievable things that left the universe shivering in shock, this was still an incredible feat.

But the killing went on.

* * *

The Crew of the Normandy applauded when Ashley walked back on board. She wasn't limping, wasn't leaning on anyone, and she seemed embarrassed by the attention, but she got a standing ovation when she came back.

Jack clapped too, though less enthusiastically than anyone else. The Spectre didn't even have the decency to be horribly disfigured by the whole event.

Those that knew her came over, taking their turn to welcome her back. Jack didn't move, but Ash had to walk past her anyway. "Miss me?" Ashley challenged the Biotic.

"With every shot so far, but at this range, things are looking up." Jack returned, unafraid.

Joker sent Shepard a wry grin. "You been looking forward to this? I have."

* * *

" _...indicate total destruction across thirty worlds so far. The Batarian Hegemony, the Turian Naval Forces, and the Alliance Systems have all been decimated. A list of the dead and Missing is still being compiled, but at this point it's clear that it will be in the hundreds of millions..."_

* * *

Jack came off the elevator and keyed the door. No answer this time. The door stayed shut.

Despite herself, she felt an awkward chill. She knew she shouldn't, but... The lock didn't slow her down for long. She let herself into his room...

And found Ashley Williams sitting on his couch, her hair loose around her shoulders. She looked like she was ready for a night at a club, but she was sitting alone on the couch. "He's not here." She told Jack simply. "I don't think he's coming back."

* * *

Chakwas glanced over at Shepard, trying to sleep on one of her medbay cots. "Coward."

"I know." Shepard said, not really caring.

* * *

Jack and Ash both left his quarters at the same time. They said nothing on their way out of the room. They said nothing while they waited for the elevator. They didn't even look at each other when it arrived, and they didn't speak a word the entire time the elevator moved to the lower levels.

"He won't cheat." Jack said finally. "Don't read anything into my being there tonight. He won't cheat."

"You offered?" Ashley said without showing any emotion.

Jack didn't answer, but inwardly she felt her guts twist.  _Offered? I damn near begged._

Jack set her jaw, still looking squarely ahead of her. "He won't cheat."

Ashley looked over at her for the first time. "I know." She said softly, kindly. "He wouldn't on you either. See… I'm not actually with him right now. We were…"

The elevator stopped and the doors opened before she could finish that sentence. They found Garrus waiting, and he froze. He looked from one to the other a moment, and waved it off. "I'll get the next one." He said easily, and the doors closed again.

"This is stupid." Jack said finally. "I hate this."

"Hate what?"

"Killing you ain't gonna help. That's new for me. I ain't never had a problem that couldn't be solved with a shotgun before."

"I know." Ashley said.

"What?"

"I'm a Spectre now. I looked you up." She said. "There were a few bits of footage that Cerberus didn't get to."

Jack twitched. "What footage?"

"Omega, Purgatory…"

Jack grinned. "Wondering how your boyfriend could handle me?"

"Oh please." Ashley snorted. "If there's anyone who knows what Shepard can handle..."

"Anyone  _other_ than me." Jack put in pointedly.

Chilly silence.

"This is nuts." Jack said. "Shepard's right. The galaxy is burning. We can't do this now. He won't cheat. Leave it at that."

"I'm not worried about that." Ashley said calmly. "Two years is a long time. Especially in combat. So no, I'm not surprised he found someone; and I'm not surprised it was over fast." Beat. "I'm a little appalled at his  _taste_..."

Jack lunged. She had her hands wrapped around Ashley's throat, and was squeezing for all she was worth when it felt like a grenade exploded beneath her ribs. Another came a second later, and Jack lost her grip.

Ashley kidney-punched her one last time, and hooked Jack's leg, putting the biotic on the floor. A moment later an Alliance issue combat boot was on Jack's throat. "Too small in here for biotic attacks." Williams said calmly. "What else have you got?"

Jack was no slouch, but Ashley was trained, experienced, cool-headed and without biotics for help, Jack was already at a disadvantage. The thinner woman slapped the floor, the traditional way of conceding defeat in a match with Garrus.

Williams let her up. "Ever hear the story of the black-belt and the boxer?" She said lightly. "A black-belt will always win, until you make them fight in a phone booth. Or in our case, an elevator."

"Three seconds once we leave this damn box." Jack snarled, getting up. "Your lifespan? Three seconds."

"No doubt." Ashley said coldly. "But as you said, that won't help."

The elevator stopped, and Williams swept out without looking back.

* * *

" _...continues to expand, Human and Salarian Authorities are urging citzens not to attempt a return to any colony or homeworld currently affected by the Reaper Invasion. An influx of civilians will only compound the existing problem. Questions should be directed to nearest embassies, who have asked for patience..."_

* * *

Jack woke up as her Omni-Tool buzzed. "...ht...?"

EDI's voice called again. "Jack, the briefing started five minutes ago."

Jack swore, but slurred enough to be unintelligible.

"Would you like me to tell Shepard you're not coming?"

Summoning all her will, and gathering all her strength, she managed to lift one finger enough to flip the AI off.

"I'll tell him you're on the way." EDI said diplomatically, and disconnected.

Jack fought to pull her bag out from behind the crate she slept on, and grabbed her wake-up pills. Sleep pills made her unconscious, but she still felt exhausted after. A handful of the pep pills hitting her stomach made her run to the nearest head. By the time she was done puking her stomach inside out, she was awake, her head clear enough that she could get to the briefing.

* * *

Shepard spared her a nod as she came in, looking hungover. Not an unusual look for her. He continued the report as the information scrolled past on the holo-map of the galaxy.

"...were able to disarm it before the blast, and the Krogan are being real nice about it. They kept the bomb, so I'm sure we'll be seeing it again at the least convenient moment. As much as I'd like to call it a day, we're going back to Tuchanka immediately."

Reactions went around the room.

"I know, I want to see trees again somewhere too." Shepard said agreeably. "But our old friends Cerberus are operating in several places. Intel from The Shadow Broker says that Cerberus Units are definitely working in an ongoing campaign. We don't know what they're working towards, but their tactics so far are a series of offensives that seem to be geared toward keeping all parties off balance and in states of chaos and conflict. One of their offensive campaigns involves Tuchanka. Once we and the STG team drove them away from the bomb, they didn't go far. Our intel is late on this, so we're playing catch-up. Cerberus is entrenched, so we're going to dig them out."

"We're going Cerberus hunting?" Jack asked, the unspoken thought clear in her voice.  _Don't even think of side-lining me._

Shepard met her gaze quickly.  _Can you handle it?_

Jack spared Ashley the barest glance and nodded exactly once.

"Yes we are." Shepard answered her question without missing a beat. "Gear up. We arrive in an hour, and we land immediately."

* * *

"Hey."

Garrus looked up. "Williams." He said evenly. "I was wondering how long it was going to take you to come down here and visit me."

"Been slightly busy." Williams pointed out.

"Right, I have no idea what that's like." He drawled back sarcastically.

Ashley smiled. "It's good to see you. I... I'm glad you and Tali were here during the Collector Mission. Closest thing I could get to being here myself."

"We did our best." Garrus conceded. "But the truth is, he's been wearing out since... well, since he died. You know him, he's got a lot of heart to give, but he's got limits, same as everyone else."

Ashley nodded. "He did it Garrus. Turian-Krogan alliance. He's got aliens fighting for humans for the first time. I just came from Liara, and she says that he's tracking Mass Effect Relay traffic, trying to find the Geth and the Quarians. If he can do that, it's going to be a sight to see, and I mean A Sight To See." She almost seemed to laugh for a moment. "It's never been done before."

"No it hasn't. And I can see why." Garrus admitted. "It's... a hell of a thing we're doing."

"Yeah it is." Ashley admitted quietly. "I can't believe I'm part of it. I  _really_  can't believe Joker's part of it."

They both laughed loud and long.

"So..." Ashley said finally. "Jack... she's really-"

The Turian's face turned into a perfect stone wall. "Held onto that goodwill for as long as you could, didn't you?"

Ashley almost flushed. "I wasn't buttering you up or anything, I just thought that since you were there for the whole Mission..."

"See you Ash."

Inwardly, she wasn't a bit surprised at that. Garrus was all about loyalty to Shepard. He wasn't going to give an inch, and she knew it before she came in. "Fair enough." She conceded. "Forgive me?"

"What? You think I should hold a grudge against a sniper?"

Ashley grinned at that, knuckled the man's shoulder and headed out.

"Ash?" Garrus called after her. "I... I don't want to get in the middle of this, but you know that nothing would have happened with Jack if..."

"If I hadn't turned him down on Horizon?"

"Yeah."

"I know. Just like nothing would have happened with me if he knew Jack would be back a month later. Nothing says you can't love two people. The rules are quite specific on how many people you can date at once, but..."

"I'm just saying, walking away was your call."

"Yeah. I think I may have screwed up there."

"Well... we've all done it." Garrus said honestly. "But if you do decide to... reclaim your territory, would you do me this favor and give us all some warning, so we can put money down?"

"What kind of odds would I get?"

"That would be telling."

* * *

The team landed on Tuchanka again, and came out guns blazing. Cerberus had entrenched their position well. Mounted turrets and Centurion teams were all over the place.

Shepard, Jack, Ashley and Garrus were moving quickly. In any other place, it would be a scramble for doorways, but the Turian Homeworld had plenty of debris available. Most of it big enough to kneel behind easily.

Urban warfare was what Shepard had trained for. He'd been turning over rocks in enough intergalactic jungles, but he'd grown up in slums, where eyes watching from windows meant death or capture. He saw angles everywhere.

"Garrus, up above!" Shepard roared. "Explosive rounds!"

Garrus shifted his sniper rifle, aimed upwards at the second level. Turrets had been set up there, and Garrus knocked them down, his explosive rounds knocking them off their tripod bases.

Grenades came, hurled over their barricades.

Shepard began to scramble out, when Ashley pulled him back, sweeping out first to gun down a few waiting soldiers. They both scattered to other cover, in time to

And above them all, the enormous cannon kept firing into space.

"Shepard! We got a Cerberus cruiser incoming!" Joker shouted.

"Can you intercept?" Shepard roared, as Garrus covered him dodging to another position.

"Negative. In fact we can't even hold this position. Between the cruiser and that cannon, we're boxed in!"

"Then get the ship clear, we'll figure it out!"

"3 o'clock!" Jack called, alerting them to a flanking attack by Cerberus.

"Damn!" Shepard hissed. They were being surrounded, one side at a time. If they withdrew, they were certain to be driven off, or boxed in by another group on the other side. Cerberus wouldn't leave them a safe direction to go. "LC, we need real estate."

"Yessir." Williams responded crisply, and the two of them leaped, side by side over the barricade.

In unison, they began hunting, walking in a half crouch. Ashley stood back to back with him, and they both marched, both circling each other, facing outward.

"Rockets!" Ashley yelled, reaching behind her with one hand to shove Shepard away from her. The RPG passed over their heads, more or less between them, and they both stepped lively. They fired constantly, drawing a line of protection for the others back, keeping each other protected offensively.

Ashley's weapon suddenly clicked.

"Reload!" Shepard shouted, tossing her a heat sink with one hand, firing over her shoulder to cover her direction as she slapped the clip in neatly, now firing past Shepard to cover his back as he'd protected hers. They swapped places and resumed their hunt without missing a beat.

When one moved, the other moved with them. When one turned, the other turned to keep an eye on what was passed. When one missed a ducking opponent, the other caught it as they came around to follow. The two of them cut a circular swathe through their foes, moving around cover with every step, the flawless teamwork becoming one long flanking manoeuvre that marched right down Cerberus throat.

Garrus was still at the original defense point. As the Cerberus teams stepped behind their cover, protecting themselves from the two moving attackers, they had to show their flanks to the direction they came from, where the Turian cut them down. One Shot, One Kill. Over and over.

And Jack stood up, not concerned with cover, surprised to realize she wasn't required for what was clearly a well practised, long used move.

They were so good together. They were a single weapon, aiming in every direction. They needed nothing added, they spared nothing taken away. They were perfection.

_Well then._ Jack thought to herself.  _I can see I'm not needed here just now._

Without hesitation, Jack turned to run the opposite direction.

* * *

Once they took the room, re-targeting the cannon was easy. The second they knew the Normandy Crew had the control room, they ran for it. The battle was lost the second the cruiser went up in flames.

"Direct Hit!" Joker called.

The team cheered.

"EDI, call Wrex, and tell him I have a new toy for him." Shepard grinned. "With the cannon under our control, they've got the skies back. Let's see Cerberus get a cruiser in here now..." He paused as he looked around. "Where's Jack?"

"And if that sentence doesn't scare the hell out of you by now, then you haven't been paying attention." Garrus told Ashley, and they started running.

* * *

Even from two hundred meters away, they could see clearly. The Cerberus troops were fleeing to their shuttles, getting clear. The last shuttle was being attacked by a rampaging biotic in a foul temper.

The Cerberus teams were wearing Booster Packs, flying the thirty feet up to their waiting shuttlecraft, eager to escape. Except for one shuttle. The last one, the crew were trying to boost up, and were failing, as they were being yanked back down violently by flashing biotic fields.

"Jack!" Shepard shouted.

She waved over her shoulder as she started to glow blue, and she took the thirty foot leap easily, boarding the shuttle herself. The doors shut behind her, and the shuttle rocked back and forth a bit, weaving in the air, before it turned and took off in pursuit after the other Cerberus shuttles.

* * *

They returned to the ship, with nothing else to do. The Cerberus fleet had retreated to the Relay, and there was no way to track them from there.

Liara came to them in the Medbay. Even in an easy victory there were scrapes and bruises, and the world they just left was still heavily irradiated from a long ago war.

Shepard didn't come to Medbay. Chakwas wasn't a bit surprised.

"He's been dodging me for weeks." Chakwas said. "I think he knows that if I got him on the scanner, I'd see signs of light fever, mild malnutrition, an overtaxed immune system, high blood pressure..."

"Sounds like exhaustion to me." Ashley said, an offhand remark.

"It is. I don't think he's slept since..." Chakwas hesitated. "Well, take your pick."

Ashley jumped off the bed instantly, heading for the door.

She found him by the Memorial. There was one just like it in the Citadel. Thousands of names, letters, photos... hundreds more being added every day. Those that added their mark would deny it was a memorial to the dead, but that was what it was.

Shepard was standing before it, head bowed. He seemed on the verge of tears. Back in the old days, he never would have let it show. Back then he could have carried the world on his back. And he frequently did. He never would have let his crew see weakness. Right now he seemed barely aware of his crew at all.

_Garrus is right._ Ashley thought.  _The cracks are starting to show._

"So. In your exert opinion..." Ashley said by way of greeting. "What the hell is that psycho doing?"

Shepard rubbed the back of his neck. "Trying to land a blow against Cerberus. A win that matters." He groaned. "You were there. Cerberus is fighting a series of campaigns. We drove them off Tuchanka..."

"And they're off to their next target, and we have no idea where that is." Ashley finished, realizing. "Does Jack have a transmitter?"

"Nope. At least, not that I know of."

"So what do we do?"

"We wait for her to contact us."


	6. Auntie Jack

Missions continued, and no word came from Jack. The Reapers were still rampaging, though casualties against them slowed. Tactics were adapting, survivors getting used to what they were fighting, and help coming from unexpected quarters as what the universe knew as Shepard's Alliance began coming through on it's promises.

But the war came closer to home. Deals were made with the most unexpected of allies. The organized crime rackets made their own alliances, and presented themselves to Shepard, able and willing, ready to serve the armies of Life.

The crew were feeling the pressure. Though nobody out and said it, they were losing. Though nobody called him on it, Shepard was wearing down. Nobody wanted to bring more burden, but the war demanded it.

* * *

"The Rachni?" Ashley said for the eighth time since boarding the shuttle. "You let a Rachni queen walk?"

"It was the right thing to do." Shepard argued as they hung up their weapons.

"Of course it was, but if anybody had found that out, you never would have made it off the Citadel  _ever_  again..."

"Then it's a good thing nobody found out." Shepard returned.

EDI interrupted. "Commander, we have mission reports and latest updates coming in from the front lines.

Ashley peeked out of the corner of her eye as Shepard aged five years. "Bump it to my terminal." He told EDI.

* * *

The War Room was getting busier every day. As new members of the Last Alliance were added, they sent representatives. Shepard practically lived there now. Getting the casualty list on his Omni-tool was his one concession to the Doctor's repeated urges to get him out of the War Room for a while.

Ashley brought him coffee. She had quietly switched him to decaf before he hurt himself; and he hadn't noticed. "Y'know, Chakwas mentioned that relying on adrenaline to get you through instead of sleep can cause psychotic episodes."

Shepard indicated the report he was reading. "The Turians are still holding back. If they'd sent the entire sixth fleet, the casualty rates coming from earth would be so much lower."

"The Turians are gonna watch the Krogan. You can't overcome centuries of engrained training overnight."

"Watch me." Shepard said automatically. "I get the Krogan to send some of their forces to the earth perimeter, and the Turian will follow to back up the forces they already have there. Now I just gotta find them transport."

"Aria?"

"Who else could smuggle a huge team of angry Krogan past a blockade as tight as the Reapers?"

Ashley couldn't help the smile. "I love watching the gears turning."

Shepard tapped the report. "Yeah, I bet the guys on this list can't wait to buy me a drink."

"John..." Ashley started to say kindly.

"We have to figure out a better communication line so that we get this news faster..."

"Faster than Quantum level?"

"I'll put EDI on it. Maybe her new brain gave her a few ideas... But we can't let this go on. The casualty rates are at over 55%. You know what that is in real numbers? You break that down, and in the time it took us to get from the shuttle to the War Room we lost over ei-"

"All right, come on." Williams cut him off, and dragged him back toward his room.

* * *

She took him as far as the elevator, before hitting the stop button. Sealed in the motionless elevator, Ashley spoke. "This is what happens when I stay away too long." She said quietly. "You start to forget you can't save them all."

"I can try."

"You'll burn out." Ashley said, reaching out gently, cupping his face between her hands. "John, listen to me now. I know you. You'll weep for every name on every casualty list, and you'll wonder how many of them you should have been able to save. I know you: You become all things to all people. When the crew needed inspiration, you inspired. When someone needs money you provide it. When someone lacks food, you find it. When someone needs a wall torn down, you go. When someone needs a war won, you fight. But you can't save everyone." Her face softened, and she leaned forward, kissing him gently. "But God as my witness, I do love watching you try."

Shepard smiled a little at last.

They were silent for a long time that way. Like things used to be.

After a while, EDI's voice piped in. "Shepard, Jeff has completed his full spectrum scan. There has been no transmission."

Shepard sighed. "Understood."

"She might just not call in." Ashley said finally. "I know we're not... John, she strikes me as the type to come and go like a stray cat."

"Not that your objectivity is compromised or anything." Shepard teased, his tone lighter than it had been in days.

"Well, I won't deny that... But am I wrong?"

Shepard sighed. "No. She's done it once already. But then, she's in good company there." He said, a little pointed.

Ashley flushed. "Had to bring that up again."

"Sorry."

"Hey, I walked away, I'll grant that. It was two years since our last conversation. I was just... surprised." Ashley admitted. "You wanted to move on, you could have found a nice cuddly chainsaw and played it safer..."

"Ash."

Ashley waved that off. "Sorry, that was unfair. I don't... I just don't see it. Whatever you see in her, I don't see it. I walked away, I'll grant that; I did. I was just surprised that you... look, she's unstable, she's impulsive, she's dangerous, and frankly, I'm a whole lot hotter than she is."

"ASH!"

"John, you cannot be surprised by this reaction. First impressions are hard to shake, and the first impression Jack gives..."

"Is not necessarily wrong." Shepard conceded. "Ash,  _nobody_  sees it. There's a reason for that. But I see it, and that's because she wanted me to. If I see it and you don't then that's the way she wants it."

Williams looked down. "Thing is… the first impression I gave... I had a lot of fences to mend here. Funny thing, but most of it came from turning you down on Horizon."

"Hey, you know how it is." Shepard told her. "Band of Brothers right? Then you went and let us go to war without you."

Ashley bit her lip. "It was you who broke with me Skip. With the Alliance. Not by choice, I know that, but I had orders. I didn't have details, and it really wasn't the time for a sit down, was it?"

"No, I guess not." Shepard conceded. "But… If  _you_  had come back from the dead, and asked me to come with you? I would have done it."

Ashley just looked at him. "We both did, once."

Silence.

Ashley sighed. "We could have been great. Timing, you know? I looked at you and Jack, and I wondered what the hell you two could have after a few weeks together while the whole galaxy chased you and everything was burning all around you... but then it hit me: That's exactly what  _we_  had, isn't it?"

Shepard almost laughed. "Guess so. At least at first."

"Timing, Skipper. We had everything we needed except timing. If we had that sorted out a year ago, we'd probably be married by now." Ashley drained her coffee, and rose to leave. "Yes, by the way. The answer was yes."

"What was the question?"

"When you asked me if things had been different, if Cerberus had resurrected me and not you, if I had come back from the dead on Horizon… yes, you would have come with me." She shrugged. "Is it too late to say I'm sorry for not doing the same?"

"Never."

Ashley squeezed his hand. "I should have come with you. I'm sorry."

"I stopped being mad a long time ago."

"I know." She squeezed his hand again. "Good night, Skipper. Try to sleep."

* * *

Shepard went back to his room, pulled off his jacket, and sat on his bed to get his boots off, when the intercom chimed. "Commander! We're getting a signal!"

Sighing, Shepard got up and grabbed his jacket.

* * *

Ashley met him on the way to the bridge. "Joker, are we sure it's her?"

"The message is text only, but the frequency is exact. She sent co-ordinates and a message."

"What does the message say?"

"EDI?"

EDI translated. "It says: 'Zero calling Williams. Bring your favorite boy-toy. Cerberus is here! Bring lots of guns, and more booze.'"

"It's her." Shepard and Ashley said in the same breath.

"Message continues: 'Civilians and Children in danger. John, Teltin rises.'"

Shepard froze. "Joker, set a course."

* * *

The Team got ready, getting weapons together, gathering their gear.

Shepard briefed them on the way in. "We know that Cerberus has an interest in capturing young biotics. The younger the better, so that they can be studied and experimented on. Jack is a prime example. The facility is an Alliance run Academy to help train young biotics in control and use of their abilities. Their beacon went offline eight hours ago, we got the call from Jack an hour later. We don't know what kind of defenses Cerberus has set up, but if recent history is any indication, they'll be geared for a fight of attrition. They'll make us work for every room. We've had no contact with Jack since her first message, so we'll be going in blind."

"What are the odds Jack's already taken them all out and just wants a ride?" Garrus drawled. "Young biotics to save, and Cerberus to smash by the dozen? Her birthday came early this year."

"Believe me, nothing would make me happier." Shepard agreed. "Lock and load."

Liara took the opportunity to lean over quietly. "By the way Shepard, the other matter you asked me to look into? Mass Effect Traffic is virtually non-existent once the refugees managed to escape. Once people flee the Reapers a few days, they stop coming. My guess is, nothing else escapes. But the Relay traffic in the Far Rim is off the scale."

"Reaper reinforcements?" Ashley guessed.

Shepard shook his head. "Quarian Fleet rendezvousing for escape. James, you have the ship while we're gone. Tell Joker to prep for an emergency jump. We'll likely have civilians, and we need to treat them, drop them off and get to the Far Rim before the Migrant Fleet goes somewhere else."

"Aye Sir."

* * *

The facility was fairly comfortable. Despite himself, Shepard was expecting something like Teltin, or at the very least a military camp like Alenko had gone to. This was pretty nice. Lots of open spaces, lots of light... Expensive in a space station.

If not for the smoke and the torn apart bodies everywhere, it would have been lovely. Cerberus armor was everywhere, their weapons dismembered.

"Well, it looks like her work." Garrus said dryly.

"This is an Alliance Station, the security room should be centralized." Ashley volunteered. "We retake the security room, we can get eyes on everywhere else."

Somewhere they heard an explosion rumble through the station.

"Well, somebody's still fighting somewhere." Shepard observed. "Ash, the security room, Garrus, with me!"

They split up then, heading inn opposite directions. Ashley toward the Security Room, Shepard and Garrus following the sounds of violence.

"I found Jack. She's in the Main Hall with half a dozen students." Ashley reported over their radios a few minutes later. "Your nearest entrance is clear, but be careful; they're armed with bigger guns that you. If you can taken them by surprise, it'll be quick."

"And if not?"

"Don't worry, Jack is creating a big glowy diversion."

* * *

Shepard and Garrus didn't know what that meant until they crept into the Main Hall. On the second level, Jack was staring down a fully armed and ready squad of Cerberus warriors. There were six or seven kids, none of them over nineteen, some of them younger than eight. They had looks on their faces ranging between eager and terrified. They were all surrounded by a brought shimmering biotic Barrier.

The Cerberus guards were all aiming huge weapons, heavy particle weapons, rocket launchers and pulse rifles at the kids. The scattered array of bullets, casings, burns and debris around the barrier indicated the stand-off had been going for a while.

And there in the middle of them, hands raised as on the Collector base, grinning maniacally at the dozen Cerberus soldiers, was Jack.

Shepard and Garrus crept back and forth, moving from cover to cover, staying hidden. There was no telling if one of the kids would give them away.

"Now, remember kids, when your enemy can't get to you through a barrier, that's the time to make fun of his mother." Jack told the students, sounding eerily like a schoolteacher.

"Just drop the barrier, and we can do this painlessly." A gruff voice answered.

"Pragley, give it a try."

One of the Academy students leaned forward slightly. "Okay... Um. Your mother is so fat-"

"My mom is dead. Killed by a biotic." The gruff one shot back. "I'm looking forward to returning the favor."

"I thought you wanted us alive." A very young voice said from behind Jack.

"That was before this one started making cracks about my mother." The gruff one said smugly.

Beat.

"What now boss?" Pragley's voice asked finally.

"Ahh, you gotta do better than that." Jack sneered. "And you, Cerberus, bite me. This Barrier ain't protecting me from all of you. It's protecting all of you from  _me_!"

"You can't hold out forever, Zero."

"Anyone comes near one of  _my_  kids, I will make sure your lives come to a very sudden, very  _unnatural_  end." Jack snarled, completely feral.

Shepard traded a grin with Garrus. The soldier counted down on his fingers silently, and they both pounced, leaping out of their cover, and taking the Cerberus team from behind.

The kids behind the biotic barrier yelled in shock, but Jack barely blinked. The barrier came down an instant later. "Well it's about damn time!" She shouted, marching up to Shepard. "What took you so long?"

"We figured you'd have killed them all yourself by now." Shepard responded, looking her over. The belts were gone, replaced with a studded leather jacket, and an open neck top that belonged in an adults-only nightclub. It showed off her more glaring tattoos, but still more decent than her original style.

She posed for him a little. "Like my new look? Took the jacket off one of the student-instructors. I had to... upscale my wardrobe. Some of the older kids kept staring at my tits."

Rodriguez gave Pragley a death-glare at that. Everyone pretended not to notice.

Jack looked around. "Where's Williams? The SOS was sent to  _her_ , was it not?"

"Ash is back in the security center." Shepard said evenly.

"Shepard was worried about how you two would react to each other." Garrus drawled. Jack was starting to think it was the only tone of voice he had.

Jack considered that a moment, and turned back to her 'class'. "Pay attention kids, because this is how you  _really_  bug someone you don't like."

With that, she waved cheerfully to the watching security camera, marched the last two feet to Shepard, and planted a long, wet, grinding, full-bodied kiss all over him.

The kids burst out into a chorus of cat-calls and wolf-whistles.

* * *

Ashley saw the whole thing on her monitors and set her jaw forcibly.

* * *

Jack broke for air, and turned on her heel, marching away from Shepard toward the kids, while Shepard was still finding his balance.

"Alright Maggots, on your feet!" Jack barked. "Amp check! Rodriguez, your fields were weak. Get your head out of the clouds and stop perving on Pragley."

"Huh?" Pragley reacted to his name, sending a look at the girl in question.

"And Pragley, your smack-talk was beyond sh... lousy. I gotta find you some R-Rated movies to watch."

"Anytime coach."

"Grab juice. We move out as soon as Shepard yanks another rabbit out of his hat."

"You mean that's Shepard?  _The_  Shepard?  _Commander_  Shepard?"

"Eyes front Harker!" Jack barked, before turning back to Shepard with a grin. "Meet my new crew. They're good kids really. I've been training them into my own personal anti-Cerberus guns."

"I WILL DESTROY YOU!" The whole lot of them chorused brightly, punching the air as they echoed their de-facto teacher's familiar battle-cry. Garrus actually burst out laughing.

Shepard was grinning at them, including Jack, looking quietly thrilled.

"What?" She demanded.

"You. You're getting all protective and maternal." He grinned.

Jack smirked. "Anyone comes after my kids; I will rip them limb from limb. And then use the limbs to beat their corpse to bits."

"Auntie Jack!" The youngest boy called from the cluster of students. "The bad men are coming back!"

"Auntie Jack?" Garrus, Joker, Ashley and Shepard all repeated to themselves silently across three rooms.

"You heard Petey! Amp it up!" Jack roared. Cerberus was cutting themselves a way through the door, and everyone faced it, preparing.

Her kids got ready, and so did the Normandy crew. "Kids, stay behind us!"

"We can fight!" Rodriguez shouted. The voice of youth and eagerness, just green enough to be excited at the prospect of combat.

"You go where I tell you, or so help me, I will show everyone what's in the back of your sock drawer!" Jack barked.

"How the hell do you know what's in the back of my sock-drawer?"

"I don't, but thank you for confirming it." Jack grinned toothily as the door began to hiss.

"Screw you, Ma'am!"

"Barriers up, angle to cover each other's fields!" Jack ordered as the door blew.

Mechs and teams of warriors came swarming in. Jack and some of the older kids were sending Biotic Bolts at them like artillery. When Cerberus fired back, their fields protected them.

As it happened, it was a serious advantage for Shepard's team, distracting every attacker that cared to target the civilians. Shepard and Garrus defended them with quick, precise shots.

Ashley's voice came over the radio. "Shepard, I got the fire control system working! It has a Co2 option for electrical fires."

"Do it!" Shepard ordered.

The fire suppression jets fired instantly, spraying them with heavy concentrations of carbon dioxide. A fire would be starved of oxygen, but the Cerberus crew in the way were suddenly choking, air vanishing under the barrage. Those that knew what was happening tried to get clear of the range, and were quickly caught by Shepard and Garrus.

That left the Mech, the pilot safe and sealed in his cockpit. He brought his heavy weapons to bear, and Garrus and Shepard quickly scattered, running in opposite directions as the rockets blew the cover apart behind them.

"Drop Barrier!" Jack ordered, and leaped at the Mech like a wildcat. Her leap was charge with Biotic power and covered a good thirty feet. Hands outstretched like claws, blue-fire flashing in all directions, and the fire seemed to leap from her to the Mech like static electricity.

The Mech shuddered for a moment, then lifted up off its feet, before being crushed inward, the pilot screaming as the Mech crumpled in on itself, squishing into a scrap metal ball, which dropped to the ground a moment later.

Breathing hard, Jack spun on her kids. "What the hell was  _that_?"

Shepard was up too. "Anyone hurt?"

"Rodriguez took some fire, because she  _didn't keep her field strong_!" Jack roared pointedly at the elder girl, who had the decency to look embarrassed.

Shepard took in the room at a glance and keyed his radio. "Ash, we need an exit!"

"They found our way in, and they're laying an ambush. They don't know we've got the control room back... I can see them all. They're leaving the shuttle-bays. All the Academy shuttles are locked down; but the Cerberus ones are still open. If you can get to the shuttle-bay..."

"That'll be a gauntlet." Shepard said grimly.

"Give me a minute, I'll play a few games with the passcodes and door locks, see if I can thin them out a bit." Ashley suggested and disconnected.

Jack slipped over next to Shepard. "They aren't ready. Not for offense. Not for Cerberus."

Shepard nodded, taking her at her word. "How are their Barriers?"

"Strong enough. I can carry the worst of it."

"Shepard, they're on to you!" Ashley called. "Coming in from the sunward side, get outta there! Move!"

Shepard turned to Jack. "We gotta move."

"All right, let's hustle!" Jack ordered the students, picking up the youngest kid, carrying the little boy on her hip. "By the way, Shepard; when we get back to the ship, I'm keeping this one."

"No." Shepard said seriously, not sure she was joking.

"What? Why not?"

"You can't keep him, just because he follows you home."

"Why not?" Jack demanded. "I'll take care of him. Look at him. He needs me, don'tcha, Petey?"

The little boy nodded, pressing his face into Jack's neck shyly.

Beat.

"Who  _ **are**_  you?" Garrus demanded of Jack in disbelief.

* * *

It was a running fire-fight all the way to the shuttle. The kids flanked the Team, with Jack in the middle, as they ran full speed down the corridors, their Barriers protecting them as they ran. Every now and then, Jack would sent a shockwave out to clear the path, or knock down a Cerberus agent who held something heavy enough to hurt them.

Ashley joined them as they got closer, and Cortez had the shuttle waiting. It was by far the fastest exit they'd ever had from a battlefield. The soldier in Shepard was forced to concede how useful they were.

* * *

Joker was waiting for them when they docked. "Shepard, did I hear all of that right? Jack has a troop of boy and girl scouts?"

"I agree it seems unlikely." EDI said, in step behind them.

Jack saw the gleaming chrome body and snap-drew her shotgun. Shepard put a hand out and pushed the barrel up. "At ease. It's EDI."

"EDI?" Jack repeated, looking over the exaggerated curves, the flawless form. " _That's_  EDI?"

"We've had a few changes while you were away." Shepard admitted.

"Seriously,  _this_  is EDI? Did Joker wish really  **really**  hard?"

"Every night, but I never thought it would happen." Joker agreed happily. "When your heart is pure Jack, miracles happen."

Shepard was grinning, glad to have her back. "Are we rigged for the Relay?" He asked the room in general.

Traynor slipped in at his elbow neatly, like she always did when needed. "Yessir. We've got a transport ready to rendezvous at the Relay after our first jump. They'll head straight to the Citadel, there'll be no chance for a counterattack, or another Cerberus attempt."

"All right, get the kids cleaned up, have Chakwas look them over, get them a bite to eat."

Traynor came along and smiled at their guests. "Well kids, welcome to the SR2 Normandy. My name is Traynor, if you'll come with me, we'll get you processed."

"They're fine where they are." Jack said simply, but the implied threat was clear.

"Jack, these are Alliance Grissom Academy Students. You're... not even close to being in the chain of command." Traynor said gently.

Jack turned to Shepard. "Draft me."

"Are you serious?"

"What, you let a Rachni in, but not me? Class Five Biotic, able and willing, ready to serve! You know I look good in a crew-cut."

"Is Jack gonna get bars on her 'uniform' or just tattoo them on?" Joker grinned. "Also, if you draft her a rank below me, does that mean she has to call me 'sir'?"

Jack turned to her class. "Kids, plug your ears and hum."

The students just blinked, confused.

"Right now." Jack told them seriously.

The Academy survivors obediently did so, and Jack calmly walked over to Joker and spoke eloquently in his ear for several seconds. Joker's grin slowly melted, and his eyes went to Shepard, to Garrus, to Jack, and finally to EDI, where he nearly passed out.

Once the brief but pointed conference ended, Jack came back to the class with Joker's rank insignia in one hand. "My good friend Jeffrey said that I may keep these." She said politely.

* * *

Shepard ruled on it and let Jack lead the kids around. They went through Med-Bay for a quick checkup. It was the first time their powers had been pushed that far, and the first time any of them had seen combat. Jack was overseeing the whole operation with a disturbing intensity, having a history with lab coats and doctors herself.

Eventually, Chakwas was satisfied, and they all trooped into the Mess Hall.

Jack smiled at Shepard, almost showing them off. "It'll be their first hot meal in three days." She said quietly. "We've been playing hide and seek with Cerberus across the entire station, coming out to grab food, kill cameras, knock down a few guards at a time..."

"How did that happen by the way?" Shepard asked with interest.

"I was hiding in the shuttle I boarded on Tuchanka. They went straight for the relay with their cruiser knocked down; thanks for that by the way; they rendezvoused somewhere, and pulled all the evac shuttles aboard one of their cruisers. It was waiting for them. They called in, I gave them the name and number I pulled off the dead pilot's uniform, and next thing I know the shuttle was on autopilot." Jack paused to grab a handful of napkins, and pushed them at Petey. "Chew slower; you'll get more food in your mouth." She told him quickly, and moved back to Shepard. "The shuttle landed, I picked my moment and dove for a hiding place. I got comfy in a supply closet for a while, killed a few stupid guards who picked the wrong place to get fresh batteries, and then I noticed a lot of people going to the shuttlebay. I picked a guard in my size, got a uniform and a helmet; stowed away. They were heading to the Academy."

Shepard nodded. "How'd they do?"

"Not so great. They're kids. Real kids, not like we were." Jack said forgivingly. "This time last week, their biggest problem was getting laid, now there's a war on, none of them have a clue where their families are, and then they start getting shot at." She shrugged. "I hit them on their way to the prison shuttle. I had almost twenty five, now I got seven." Jack looked at them all at the next table, smiling a little. "These guys... They learned a lot in three days. Second place meant death." She grinned toothily. "Jack do good?"

"Jack did real good." Shepard nodded. "Is it my imagination, or are they staring at us?"

"Every time they told me they were doomed I told them another war story about you. Every time one of them suggested surrendering, I told them another horror story about Pragia. It worked. They were thrilled to see you show up."

Shepard nodded. "They seem to like you a lot."

"I know. The Collector Mission, I got to be the hero for a bit. But... never been the savior before. Shepard, is this what it's like for you all the time? Cause lemme tell ya, it's better than sex."

"Hey!" Shepard objected automatically.

"Well; bad sex." Jack amended, as she stood up and turned to her crew. "All right brats, atten- _shun_!"

The kids quickly jumped up from the Mess hall tables and fell in before Jack, including little Petey, who stood straighter than all of them. Jack looked them all over. "Ya did a big thing, and you didn't suck at it. You weren't great, but you'll get there. We all lived, and they didn't, and that's how you play this game."

The kids whooped, running forward and surrounding Jack, almost hoisting her up on their shoulders. She grinned toothily, still on a high from the battle. "All right, all right, quit gushing! When Shepard finally docks this crate somewhere, you're all getting inked! My treat!"

The kids cheered again.

"All except you Rodriguez, you can't, because you f... messed up."

"That's not fair!"

"Well, tell ya what: You can get a tattoo, if I get to pick it." Jack grinned wolfishly. "Your call."

"Screw you ma'am!" Rodriguez said with affection.

Petey pointed at her. "You said a swear."

"We left the jar back at the Academy." Jack pointed out, until she noticed everyone staring at her in disbelief. "What? They're young. They don't need to be hearing my kinda talk till they're old enough to get fake-ID's and go hang around bars with sailors in them."

"I can have a replacement swear jar ready for you, just as soon as the crew gets done with that Keg they bought on the Citadel." Joker put in helpfully.

Jack actually laughed. It was like watching a terrified Reaper. It defied reality.

"Who  **ARE**  you?" Garrus asked Jack again.

Shepard traded a glance with Ashley, the smile falling from his face.

"You want to tell her?" Ashley asked softly. "Or shall I?"

"I'll do it. She's far more likely to kill you." Shepard quipped, but not really making a joke.

Jack saw the look on Shepard's face, and noticed Traynor coming in the doorway. The smile slipped a bit from her too, but she didn't let it on for long. She met Shepard's eyes for one second, the sympathy clear on his face. Her eyes widened, and she looked at them again, no longer on a high.

Shepard knew she'd got the message. They'd had the whole conversation with one quick glance. He didn't have to tell her, she knew.

The Normandy was a ship of war, and these kids weren't staying.

"There's no other way." Ashley commented to Shepard quietly.

"I know."

"Want me to take care of it? She already hates me." She offered. "It's gonna be bad."

* * *

It was awful.

The older kids were taking it on the chin, giving Jack sincere goodbyes, promising to make her proud, swearing to keep in touch.

The youngest were bawling, clinging to Jack for dear life. All the other grown-ups in their lives were behind enemy lines or dead on the station. Except for Jack, who had protected them so well.

Petey took it worse of all, and Rodriguez and Pragley had to physically pry the screaming kid away from Jack at the shuttle door.

"PLEASE! AUNTY JACK!" Petey was shrieking through his tears. "I'LL BE GOOD! I PROMISE! PLEASE! I DON'T WANNA GO!"

Jack was opening and closing her fists compulsively, keeping her jaw set and her eyes fixed in front of her until the shuttle door closed. Her eyes were clear, her gaze strong, her posture ramrod straight.

James Vega squeezed Jack's shoulder gently as the shuttle took off. "We all been there, soldier. You evac refugees, some of them want to stay with you. Especially the orphans. We all been there."

Jack sent a glance around and saw them all nodding at her. Even Williams.

"You did good, Jack." Ashley said gently. "You did real good."

Jack didn't answer for a moment. When she did, she just smirked cruelly and stretched her neck. "God, I am drowning in all the sap." She grated callously. "They need someone to look out for them a bit, I can do that for a few days; but ask anyone; I hate kids. Almost as much as I hate grownups."

With that, she turned on her heel and marched out. The rest of the core team followed, trading glances behind her.

"So, what else did I miss while I was away?" Jack asked.

"We cut a deal with Aria, got all the Mercs on one team, and got that one team ready to sign on." Shepard volunteered.

"Good move genius. Someone like  _Aria_  is probably trustworthy."

"Yeah, she was willing to shake on it and everything." Garrus agreed sarcastically.

"Aria mentioned you actually." Shepard told Jack as they walked through the halls.

"What did she say?"

"Keep the hellspawn away from my booze." Shepard quoted, and Jack grinned savagely.

Once at the elevator, she sent Shepard a short glance, and he gave her a tiny nod. Message sent, Message received. Hitting the button, she left them, not looking back.

* * *

Jack made it all the way to her Pit before she collapsed like her strings had been cut. Shepard found her several minutes later, bawling on the floor. He hauled her up and carried her the rest of the way to her 'bench'.

She put her face into his neck and wept. He just held her. They sat against the bulkhead, her fingers digging into his shirt, his arms around her shoulders, for a very long time.

"Three days!" She sobbed, speaking at last. " _Three_  days! I was with them for three  _days_ , and I feel like I just got shot in the gut! Actually, I've been shot in the gut, this is worse!"

Shepard stroked her hair. Something he had never been able to do before, shushing her gently. "You did good, Jack. I'm so proud of you."

"Petey called me 'Auntie Jack'!" She wailed, the words working her up again. "I'm not an auntie! I'm not! I'm not anyone's family!"

"You were today." Shepard told her.

"I was only there for three days! How can it hurt this much?"

"Because you cared that much." Shepard counseled. "You invested. You gave them what they didn't have and needed to find. You gave them you. You gave them a trained, smart, powerful biotic. A grown-up that looked out for them and taught them how to fight and protect themselves. While everyone else was dying, and trying to hurt them, you were the strong one that kept them alive. Welcome to parenthood. It's just like command."

Jack shivered. "I blame you! I never would have cared a year ago."

"Oh yes you would." Shepard said instantly. "A bunch of young, scared, biotic children, facing Cerberus imprisonment? Seriously: Name  _one_  person in the galaxy who could possibly care  _more_  for those kids than you?"

Jack was actually trembling; the emotion coming stronger that it did when fighting over Shepard with Ashley. "I... I was so proud of them." She sobbed. "They did so good. They wanted to impress me. Nobody has ever cared what I thought before! Why didn't they hate me? Why weren't they scared of me? Why did they like me John; why? WHY do they  **like**  me?"

Shepard shushed her gently, holding her close while she broke down. She straddled his lap, clinging to him for dear life, trying to climb inside him, desperate to gain that tiny bit more contact. He rubbed his hands up and down her spine gently, just the way she liked, and after a while, she settled.

"They're going to be drafted, aren't they?" Jack asked finally. "They're going to be put on battlefields. What they did, getting us out of there? They're going to do it again. Put them out there, even if they're young."

"Not all of them." Shepard said softly. "But some of the older ones, probably."

"God, they're babies! They're just  _babies_  out there in the war."

"Shh." Shepard whispered. "They're strong. They held it together, even with Cerberus coming at them. They did good."

"They'll be out there without  _me_!" Jack yelled into his shoulder.

"Shh. I know." Shepard hesitated. "Jack... If you wanted, you could go with them."

Jack pulled back sharply. "What?"

"Yeah. Wherever they're going, the ones going into combat will stick together. If you wanted, you could lead their team. You got two Spectres that could make it happen."

For a long eternal moment, it almost seemed like she would say yes.

A second later, her face turned to stone, and she slipped out of his grasp, black streaks running down her cheeks again, but her eyes suddenly clear of tears. "Shepard, you moron." She growled. "Look at me. The brats made me fall apart in three days. It took  _you_  more than a week. You think I'm stupid enough to go running after them, begging for more? I'm crazy but I ain't that dumb. I'm keeping them the hell away from me."

"Jack..."

"Shepard." She stopped him, resting her fingers over his lips. "Don't ever forget my name. Don't ever forget what I am. Why I am. I know my part in this story, and it's not the story of a mother-hen. I'll kill them all until they kill me. It's what I was  _made_  for."

Shepard looked deep in her eyes for a moment, sympathy on his face, and she hated to see it. "Jack..."

She gave him a vicious, painful kiss, their teeth smashing together roughly. It was not affection, it was a diversionary attack. It lasted all of two seconds before she jumped back, and turned her back on him. "Get. Out. Now."

* * *

"She okay?" Ashley asked, waiting for him at the elevator. "You were down there a while."

"She's okay." Shepard told her. "You waited?"

"I promise, I wasn't checking up on you. It was... I don't know. She's Team Normandy, whatever else she is, and if she's going to fall apart..." Ashley shrugged. "It didn't take a Spectre to see that she was barely holding it together once they pried her kid out of her arms. She loved those kids. Someone like Jack doesn't have room for subtlety. When she's mad, she's lethal, when she's sad, she's inconsolable."

"That's Jack in a nutshell, as far as it goes." Shepard nodded. "The kids make it to the Relay all right?"

"Citadel reported that they made it there safe. They actually asked me to authorize a space of them there. They want to reopen the academy. With the war, they want Biotic Artillery in the field."

"Don't let Jack hear that, or we'll have a whole new front on the war." Shepard said.

Ashley nodded. "No kidding. We're almost to the Far Rim."

"How long was I down there?"

"A  _long_  while."

"You waited the whole time?"

"Didn't have anywhere else to be." Ashley said with a slight smirk.

* * *

The Normandy came out of hyperspace, and found not the Quarian Fleet they were expecting, but one ship. The instant Normandy arrived, it began calling them.

"Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, calling Commander Shepard, please come in!"

"Admiral?" Blurted half a dozen voices.

Shepard got over it fastest. "Admiral, we're here."

"I have two of the Admiralty with me, we need to talk quickly Shepard, permission to come aboard?"

"Granted. I'll meet you at the airlock."

"No. The War Room." Tali said before disconnecting. "Seconds count."

"Well, that sounds bad." Ashley put in.

* * *

Liara came down to the Pit, glancing around. She had never been there before. "Jack?"

"Over here." Her whiskey-and-cigarettes voice called from the darkest corner.

Liara came over. "I was... surprised, to get your message."

"I don't want Shepard to know."

"I suspected as much. Why else would you have waited until he was off the ship?"

"I hear the Quarian got stupid and decided now would be a dandy time to start another war."

"Admiral Xen developed a new weapon, and that was enough to get one more vote on the Admiralty. And that was enough to move the Worian fleet to a total war platform."

"And Can I assume Shepard is already doing something about it?" Jack guessed.

"He's taken a team into the War Zone, to see if he can get the civilians out of the killzone." Liara said. "But even if he succeeds... They've taken heavy losses. They won't stop till they've won, and they won't win."

"That's what they keep saying about fighting the Reapers."

"That's different. The Quarian can actually go elsewhere." Liara countered. "But in any case, I doubt you walk to discuss the Quarian-Geth conflict."

Jack sighed. "I... I can't find any of my kids."

"The students from Grissom Acadamy."

"They won't let me talk to any of them, because... well, they don't let people with my kinda past talk to kids in foster care. Plus, some of the older ones have probably been drafted, and nobody will tell me where any platoons in combat are."

"That's for a reason you know." Liara pointed out. "A stray message to a team in a forward area could lead the enemy to them."

"I know. But I can't... I have to... Aw hell." Jack dropped her face into her hands.

Liara nodded gently. "I'll see what I can do. Jack... the news may not all be good."

"Never is."

Liara was about to answer when Joker interrupted over the intercom. "Liara, you better get up here!"

Jack and Liara traded a glance, and they both ran for the elevator.

* * *

"What's happening?" Liara demanded as they ran to the bridge.

"Shepard took Ash and Tali over to the Dreadnought... They shut down the Reaper signal, and the whole ship suddenly went dead. The Quarian Heavy Fleet decided to take advantage."

"Shepard's still on board?" Jack snarled.

"If he's not, he's really good at pretending!" Joker shouted, turning up the radio feed. Shepard's voice was coming over the speakers, with Gerrel responding now and then.

"Call off the attack! We're still on board!"

"Then you better get out. Qwib-Qwib, come around for another run!"

"One minute! Just one minute!" Shepard yelled. "You were supposed to get your people out of harm's way!"

"Thank you for the suggestion. Continue attack!"

"This is Admiral Tali'Zorah, all ships break off, friendlies on board!"

"What the hell are they doing?" Jack hissed.

"Trying to take out their enemy flagship with no casualties." Liara said clinically.

"Cortez! We're going Z-Gravity, we won't make the pick-up! Get clear!" Shepard shouted. "Normandy, we're going to head for the fighter bay, we'll be in Geth fighters."

Joker keyed his mike. "Copy that."

There were several seconds of numb silence. The war outside continued, laser fire going back and forth like beautiful fireworks, flares of igniting ships coming like an intricate dance of light and color. It was actually beautiful to watch.

The silence dragged on.

"We're clear!" Shepard shouted, just as the view-ports flared into blazing white, the Dreadnought going up in flames.

Jack let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding as Joker worked the controls. "Okay Commander, we're coming to get you. By the way, which one are you?"

Shepard was growling, under his breath. "We'll find you Joker, just don't shoot us down. Call the Admiralty, and have them come aboard once we're clear. Bring them to the War Room."

"What if they refuse?"

Shepard was gritting his teeth harder. "Then ask them again, as  _politely_  as you can."

"Think anyone would care if Gerrel had an unfortunate accident on his way to the War Room?" Jack asked absently.

* * *

The Admiralty arrived soon after, full of congratulations for Shepard and his team for the decisive victory he had delivered to them.

Jack turned it out. She had received genuine thanks now. The kids had been grateful. The little girl with the flowers a year before was grateful. These guys were just covering for each other, filling up the air with words to make themselves feel better for almost killing the Captain.

The Crew were giving their guests hooded looks, especially Gerrel. Tali was offering him no support at all.

Then Legion walked in and things really got tense.

* * *

Liara came down to the Pit. "Meska'Jah?"

"What does that mean, anyway?" Jack asked.

"It's actually a variant of a very old phrase from-"

"I don't really care." Jack interrupted. "How long have they been in there?"

"About three hours now." Liara reported. "But that little matter you asked me to look into? I've..."

Shepard came down the stairs. "Liara?"

"John." Liara turned. "I take it things didn't go well?"

"How'd you guess?"

"If things went well, you'd be reporting positive progress to Hackett, and co-ordinate with the Citadel. For that you'd need Ashley. You came down here, so you either need moonshine, or someone to hit you in the face repeatedly."

Jack nodded. "Trust me, Vega's moonshine is worse than a kick in the teeth."

Shepard sighed. "Yeah. I need a double."

Jack grabbed her flask, taking the opportunity to slide her stash of pills deeper under the cot.

Liara waited. "What happened?"

"The vote came down two to two. Tali sided with us because I told her to." Shepard growled. "There's more hate there than the Krogan had for the Turians and the Salarian put together."

"And the Geth?"

"Are fine with the idea. They aren't reprogrammed. They turned to the Reapers out of fear."

"Fear? The Geth?"

"Well, okay, not fear, but whatever the electronic equivalent of the emotion is; it drove the Geth to ask the Reapers for help when the Quarian invaded."

"You believe that?" Jack asked cynically.

"I believe the three teams of Geth Primes that begged to defect."

"So what's the next move?"

"I don't know yet. But we've got to stop the Reapers from getting a foothold in the Geth. Legion agrees." He threw back the rest of the drink. "I gotta get back to the War Room."

He headed up the stairs, and Liara started to follow, when Jack's hand clamped down on her shoulder. "You can go ahead and finish that sentence you were in the middle of when he showed up."

Liara suddenly blinked. "Oh, sorry. I forgot for a moment. I tracked down contact details for your students. Rodriguez and Pragley are attached to Alliance Support Unit, the rest are in foster care until they can be transferred to the Citadel, and the Academy restored." Liara reached into her jumpsuit. "I also have this."

It was a small digital photo frame. Every few seconds, the image would change to a new face. There they were, all of them. Smiling at the camera, not a care in the world...

Jack felt something obstruct her throat. "Hm."

"Your welcome." Liara said without prompting. "I messaged you the contact details."

Liara swayed up the stairs, leaving Jack alone.

_So. Now I know where to find them. What the hell do I say?_

* * *

"Hi."

Tali looked up and saw Ashley. "No." She said firmly, and returned to her console.

"I haven't said anything yet." Ashley retorted, nonplussed.

"Is it about Shepard?"

"No."

"Is it about Jack?"

"Not... necessarily."

Tali shook her head. "I'm not going anywhere near the three of you for anything less than a Reaper attack."

Williams sighed. "I got a lot of bridges to fix don't I?"

Tali shook her head. "Not as many as you think. After... We found the wreck of the Normandy 1." She waved at the console. "Shepard brought back the data-cores. I... May have read a few things that would have otherwise been personal."

Ashley blinked. "You found my logs."

"Not your logs..."

Ashley nodded, understanding. "My letters home."

Tali nodded. "And you said such nice things about us..."

Williams softened. It was hard not to love this kid. "I meant every word." Feeling a little better about it, she licked her lips. "So if I were to ask…"

"Thanks for stopping by." Tali cut her off, looking back at her console, though it was clear she didn't mean anything by it. She too was all about loyalty to Shepard, though for slightly different reasons than Garrus.

Ashley chuckled. "Yeah, okay; I'll leave it."

"What do you want, Ashley?" Tali asked after her finally, and Ashley paused. "Look at her. She's not wearing a face-mask. What you see is what you get. She loves him. It's probably the first time she's ever loved anyone. We all saw it, so not a one of us was surprised when she walked away." Tali gave her a reproving look. "You love him too; so we were  _all_  surprised when  _you_  walked away."

Ashley didn't have an answer to that. "I think I may have screwed that one up big time. I wasn't kidding though Tali… I missed you too."

Tali's head tilted a little to peek back at her. "It's… good to have you back. Me and Garrus, and Joker and Chakwas… We were talking about the old days and… Felt like we were missing people on the Collector Mission. I missed you too."

"We should catch up? Trade some war stories? I'm buying."

"I'll be there."

* * *

Jack came off the elevator, looking for Shepard in the Mess Hall. He was at the captain's table, with Ashley. They were both laughing about something. It was too late for a meal, too late for coffee, so they had the place to themselves.

Jack hesitated, and went back to the elevator before either of them noticed her. She had just spent six hours trying to write a letter to one of her kids, and she couldn't get past the first line. Then she tried calling one direct, and the Alliance nicely told her that the 106th was on maneuvers, and could not be contacted just now...

Her hands were starting to shake, so she went looking for Shepard, and found him reminiscing about old times with Ashley.

_Of course he is._ A little voice nagged at her _. They're old friends, the past is what they have to talk about. They talk about the future, they won't be laughing because nobody alive has one._

Jack shook that off as she returned to the Pit. She picked one of her stashes at random and swallowed a handful of pills dry. A moment later she felt her eyes roll back in her head. They didn't make her happy, didn't even make her feel normal, but when she took them, she didn't much care.

* * *

"You're not serious." Tali laughed. "The Geth? A Geth-Quarian cease-fire? Won't happen. It's impossible."

"The Reapers will come to the Geth homeworld-"

_"Quarian_  Homeworld!" Tali interrupted sharply. "Not theirs. Ours. Where's Shepard? He'll back me on this."

"He's asleep. If you wake him, I'll throw you out the airlock."

* * *

Jack sat alone in the Pit, staring at the ceiling. Every few minutes she would pull the photo frame out and watch as it scrolled through the photos. She lived in the Pit. She didn't have a shelf or a table, or anywhere to put things. She'd never had...  _things_ , before.

She keyed her omni-tool, and started writing.

* * *

_I need some sleep_  
It can't go on like this  
I tried counting sheep  
But there's one I always miss

_I need some sleep_  
Time to put the old horse down  
I'm in too deep  
And the wheels keep spinning 'round  
Everyone says I'm getting' down too low  
Everyone says you just gotta let it go  
You just gotta let it go

* * *

Jack stared at it for a while. The frustration made sleep impossible. She needed to sleep.

Reaching under her cot, she found the pills. She was running out...

_Don't think about it, just do it._

Jack put them away, and all but ran for the elevator.

* * *

Shepard was staring at the ceiling, pretending to sleep, when he heard the door open. A moment later his bed dipped and he discovered he had company. Jack curled up under his arm, her head on his chest. His arms had gone around her automatically. "Jack."

"She's asleep." Jack whispered. "I checked. I know the score. I walked away. We got no hold on each other now, but… I can't sleep. I needed to sleep. That's all. I haven't slept in six months John. Please?"

She was like a frightened child again, expecting to be slapped when she asked for help. Shepard held her tightly, knowing exactly where and how to put his arms around her, even in the dark.

Jack settled, the tension vanishing from her instantly. "Arms." Jack rasped, almost silent. "Missed this."

Silence.

"Missed you too." He said finally.

Silence.

"You were with her at dinner, weren't you?" She whispered. "I saw you. You were laughing. How come we never laughed?"

"We laughed." John countered.

"So help me, Shepard; if you tell your ex that I'm ticklish..." Jack warned.

Sheppard felt his face twist. "Damn it, Jack; you just walked out. So did she. Everyone walks away, and then they get pissed at me when I'm left alone!"

Her fingers tightened convulsively on his neck, digging her nails in. "I know." She hissed. "I'm not jealous."

"Yes you are."

"Yes I am. But I'm trying not to be. There's no reason to be. I told you what was going to happen when we started. Good things come sometimes. When they do, there's no future in them. You and me don't work Shepard. We just don't."

"We seemed to work pretty well last time."

Silence.

"Yeah. Yeah we did." Jack admitted thickly. "I am not smart enough to figure this out. Just… shut up and keep doing that thing with your arms." Jack rasped.

"The words 'please' and 'hold me' just aren't in your vocabulary, are they?" Shepard teased.

She pushed her face into his neck and swore furiously and colorfully. "It won't work." She said again. "We can't work. I just need to sleep."

"Okay." Shepard said. "Jack, the universe is burning. Earth is burning. Now is not the time."

"Good." She said. "No more words. Sleep."

It was the best night sleep either of them had seen in months.

* * *

"Shepard won't make a deal with the Geth." Tali said. Her tone indicated that she'd had this conversation already, many many times. "My people will never be in the same universe with them, let alone the same team."

"I don't know Tali, that's what a lot of people said about the Krogan and the Turians." Garrus answered.

"It won't happen." Tali repeated.

"It's happened already. Legion wasn't a dream. He was here."

"It. Not he. It." Tali interrupted. "And that was different. That Geth wanted something. It left as soon as it got what it wanted. I'm still not okay with that, by the way."

"What?"

"Reprogramming the Geth." Tali explained.

"Tali, think about this for a second." Garrus pressed. "Shepard found out that the Geth fighting for the Reapers was a minority, and he had a chance to make that minority of millions fight the Reapers like all the rest. If he'd killed them, the universe would be short several million warriors that would fight Reapers. What do you call that?"

"Several million dead Geth? I call that a good start."

Garrus stared at Tali in jaded awe. Tali of all people, was never bloodthirsty. "Tali..." He said carefully. "He united all the Geth together under an anti-Reaper banner, and he pressed for cease-fire when he went to speak at your trial. Why would Shepard want to sort conflicts between the races unless he was... laying groundwork?"

"For a Geth-Quarian alliance against the Reapers?" Tali scoffed. "After what they did to us? I know why he did it. Shepard has a strong sense of... natural justice. A lot of heart too. That's why he'll never expect us to just... just forget what they did..."

"Tali... War changes things. You may want to prepare yourself..."

"I won't happen." Tali said with confidence. "I don't know why you're still considering this. Shepard is my friend. My Captain. We talked about this, about kicking the Geth out of my home and one day walking around on my world. The flowers, the grass... One day we'll do it, and I'll take this damn mask off and smell the air. He promised me."

"Oh, my dear Tali." Liara breathed. "Hasn't two wars and three life and death crusades on this ship taught you about promises?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack's latest poem is the lyrics to 'I Need Some Sleep' by The Eels.
> 
> Read and Review


	7. Victory to Disaster

Tali stormed into the War Room. "Is it true?" She demanded.

Shepard growled under his breath. "Not a conversation I've been looking forward to." He mumbled before turning to face her. "Tali… Think about this for a second. They went to the Reapers because it was their only shot for survival."

"They're Machines. They don't die, they get unplugged." Tali argued.

"Not for long." Shepard said calmly.

"What?"

"The Reaper signal." Shepard explained. "The Reaper code didn't make them follow Reaper orders. It made them smarter. Legion still has the code. We upload it, and we make them-"

"You want to give them the code!" Tali screeched like a horrified singer.

"I made a deal with the Geth." Shepard snapped. "They get the code, they become sentient, they agree to a ceasefire; they help against the Reapers."

Tali stared at him silently for a long time. A very long time. "You what?"

"Tali, I'm holding them to ransom. They don't get the code, you'll wipe them out. The only alternative is that they turn to the Reapers… And that's our next stop."

"So the Geth are sentient. Why would they want to share Rannoch?"

"Because they know what they're doing. If they're going to have any future in the Galaxy, they've got to start acting like a culture and not a bunch of machines with screws loose. This is their show of good faith."

"It's a hell of a big one."

"The Quarian have to match it."

Tali hit the roof. "You did this without telling my people? Without telling  _me_?"

"Tali, making this happen in secret is the only way it's ever going to happen!" Shepard argued.

"You're holding  _my_  people to ransom too. They don't agree with you, the Geth wipe them out once they get the smart-drug you're pushing on them."

"Well _Admiral_ , that sounds like the definition of your job." Shepard said evenly. "Your fleet is in danger. Against the Geth under the signal, they don't have a prayer. Against the Geth once they become sentient, they don't have a prayer. Your people started this war Tali. There are only two options. End it, or lose it."

Tali got in his face. "There's a third option and you damn well know it.  _Don't_  give them the code. My people will mop them up inside an hour."

"Your people… can't win a war against the Geth  _and then_  the Reapers." Shepard said, soft and regretful.

Tali slapped him. "You better hope this works, Shepard. Because if my people burn, you burn with them."

* * *

The fight with Tali had been exhausting. Tired already, Shepard went to the Mess hall. He had breakfast waiting for him. The Alliance was very good about the Officer's Table.

Jack was there in seconds. He hadn't noticed her coming in, which probably meant she was trying not to be seen. She sat down next to him, and started stealing food off his tray. "Bacon. Real bacon. Nice."

"Captain's Privilege."

"It ain't fair that you get this and skip so many damn meals. Can you tell them to give it to me if you don't want it? Or is that something reserved for Williams? I'm the one putting out here, y'know."

"Good morning to you too, Jack."

Jack lowered her voice. "Did you sleep?"

Shepard almost smiled. "Yeah."

Jack almost smiled back. "Me too." She admitted softly.

It was like a naughty secret kept between them. Something they couldn't tell anyone about. Something that was just theirs, just them, and they couldn't share it.

"Same time tonight?" Shepard asked finally.

"Morning."

They both looked up, and saw Ashley coming over with a tray in her hand. She sat down without being invited, on Shepard's immediate left. Jack straightened in her chair, her face a perfect stone wall instantly, and she growled out a greeting.

They all ate silently until Joker came over and sat down. He wasn't even trying to hide his amusement.

Ashley sitting on his left, Jack on his right, and Joker opposite, trying not to stare or grin.

_This cannot possibly be my life._  Shepard thought.

EDI came to his rescue by piping in a message. "Jack, you have an encrypted Info-packet downloading."

Jack rose. "I've been expecting this, see you later."

Leaving Ashley and Shepard alone with Joker.

Williams met Joker's eyes. "Go on. Say it. It's been on the tip of your tongue since you sat down."

Joker grinned. "Merry Christmas Shepard; Naughty and nice." He then gave a high-pitched yelp and sat very still.

"And which am I, funny man?" Ashley drawled.

"I refuse to answer on grounds that you have me under duress." Their pilot said quickly. He twitched. "Very extreme duress."

Shepard smirked. "Shouldn't have let her get her hands under the table, Joker."

Liara came into the Mess Hall at a run and threw herself at the Officer's Table. "Tali told her people. She gave them the Mission Plan. The Fleet will mobilise in twenty minutes."

"Why in God's name would they attack now, while the Reaper Signal is still active?" Ashley demanded, feeling her heart-rate spike.

Shepard was already moving. "Tali's trying to force my hand. Cut off the signal, and attack before the Geth can get regroup. Ash, get Vega, get Garrus, get Legion, we hit the Base right now!"

* * *

"Mind if I wait up here?"

Joker, EDI, Liara and Traynor turned as one to face her. She shrank a little under their attention.

"Of course not." Joker said grandly. "Find a good spot. This is a really big night for you."

"Tell me about it." Tali said.

The cockpit radio was keyed to the Fleet frequency. They could hear all parties involved. Tali twisted, trying to look out every port at once. The two fleets were gathering, flying around like swarms of angry wasps, slowly forming larger groups, until the two sides were clearly defined, preparing for the final battle.

The feeling was everywhere. Ending everywhere. Everything was ending. Everything coming down to the wire. The whole galaxy had the feeling of being at the end of the story. The Rannoch war, the Krogan, the Rachni, the Reapers, Earth, the Citadel...

Everywhere that had people, there was the sense that time was ending. As if the stars were going out, and death chasing every shadow.

Two races had brought centuries of war to this place, and it was not long before only one was left.

And Tali had made sure the confrontation happened.

"I don't disagree with him you know." Tali said quietly.

"Did I ask?" Joker returned cannily.

"No, but..." Tali wrung her hands, feeling the need to excuse what she did, explain it away to someone. "I want peace as much as he does, and if you think I'm not loyal to Shepard after everything he's done... The Geth are the enemy. They were my father's enemy. His father, and his father, back and back and back, all the way to the days when people knew what Quarian's looked like. I can't just pretend that Shepard knows better."

EDI piped up. "What if he does?"

Tali was about to respond when the console lit up, the radio crackled, and the familiar voice came from the planet's surface.

"Shepard to Fleet, target is painted, fire at will!"

"Copy that Shepard." Raan responded.

In space everything was silent. Vibrations carried through the hull to make noise when a ship fired, but the Normandy was only one shot out of the thousands that the Quarian sent toward the planet, EDI guiding the thousands of rounds of ordinance to where Shepard pointed them. A rainbow of brightly lit death flying away from the Fleet toward a focal point on the Planet, so far away they couldn't see it.

"Hope Shepard was far enough back." Joker commented blandly.

"It worked! The signal is offline!" EDI commented, sounding excited, at least for her.

The assembled members of the crew cheered.

"He did it!" Tali breathed. "Now we find out…"

"Shepard to fleet! Shepard to fleet!" The Commander's voice came back with a roar. "It's not a Reaper base! It's a Reaper! There's a Reaper down here!"

At once the rest of the Normandy crew swore, running to battle-stations. The bridge was clear of non-essential personnel. Except for Tali. She had nowhere else to go.

"Joker! The Reaper took some damage from the orbital strike! I need another strike fast!"

"EDI, are the Fleet targeting computers still following our telemetry?"

"Affirmative, Jeff."

"Shepard, we're ready, give us a targe-"

Everyone jumped as the radio speakers were maxed out suddenly. A Reaper's Siren screamed out to them from a world away.

Tali felt her hearts stop. The Reaper's call was the Death Knell. It was the scream that came before the strike. And nothing survived that strike.

Just then, the control panel lit up.

"I have a target!" EDI called unnessecarily.

"FIRE!" A thousand odd Quarian voices roared in the same moment. The blackness of space lit up again, but not nearly as much.

"Tali, what the hell are your people doing?" Joker yelled.

"Forty percent of the Heavy Fleet are redeploying for Orbital combat." EDI reported.

The console lit up again.

"FIRE!" Another chorus of fleet commanders answered instantly, another flurry of pyrotechnics.

"What are the Geth doing?" Tali demanded.

"I have detected no movement, no transmissions from the Geth Fleet." EDI responded promptly. "Quarian Forces are mobilising. Time to optimal firing range on Geth forces: three minutes."

And then there was silence. The huge Migrant fleet was moving. Everything that could fly was retrofitted to battle, and was now closing on their oldest most hated enemy, while the rest of the Universe didn't even notice.

"We stopped getting targets painted down there." Tali whispered finally.

"It could mean the target was destroyed." EDI suggested optimistically.

Nobody wanted to say it out loud. The more likely scenario was that Shepard was dead. With the exception of the mutant Thresher Maw, so far nobody had been able to put a scratch on the surface of a full blown Reaper. It had taken the combined firepower of an entire Fleet to take down Sovereign…

EDI turned to her console. "The Admiralty does not seem to be hesitating. They are closing in on the Geth Fleet."

"And what are the Geth doing?" Joker asked.

"They are… still not moving."

Tali's hands were wringing themselves frantically, barely registering their conversation. "The last time I talked to him…" She whispered. "I yelled at him. I was so awful to him before he left."

"You?" Joker asked in surprise. "Why?"

"He wants the Quarian and the Geth to ally against the Reapers."

"That's about as realistic as Jack's tearducts and Ashley's lips." Joker laughed that off.

"That's what I said." Tali agreed. "But…"

"Tali'Zorah, may I make a personal observation?" EDI asked.

"Sure."

"It seems that given the proven Reaper presence on Tuchanka and Rannoch, that the choice is simple. Adapt or die. It's not a new choice, but the sakes have been raised."

Tali took that in. "EDI? I… I come from a people that dread AI the way most people dread monsters… I always liked you. On a good day I could even handle Legion. But I don't know if… I just don't know."

The radio crackled.

"What was that?" Tali spun, hands wringing crazily. "Was that a transmission?"

Joker worked his controls. "I don't…"

The radio crackled again. "This is Captain John Shepard Vas Normandy."

Tali sagged. "Oh Keelah, he's alive!"

"Members of the Quarian Fleet." Shepard's voice called, clear and commanding. "The Reaper is dead. Before it went offline, it spoke to me. It said that the cycle of destruction is required, because they are not us. Not organics. They said that our two kinds could never live in peace, and that is why they come to harvest us. The Reapers see it as the only way our two kinds of life could both live; is if one is completely enslaved. They offer this world as proof. They will do to us what you want to do to the Geth, for the exact same reasons."

The two attack fleets were closing in on each other.

"The motive that drives the Reapers to make all life extinct every 50,000 years is being played out here on Rannoch, right now. I just gave the order to have benign Reaper code uploaded to all Geth platforms, and AI software. The Geth will no longer decide by consensus, they will each have free will. In a few moments, they will cross over from artificial intelligence, to true artificial life. Actual sentience. And they do not want war. I say again, the Geth do not want war."

He let that sink in.

"Any change from the Quarian?" Tali whispered.

"No. But the Geth lines are... changing." Joker reported.

EDI piped up. "Their tactics are changing, becoming... smarter."

Shepard's voice came back. "You've spent centuries trying to get an edge over this enemy, in the hopes of seeing the world I am currently standing on. I'm giving you the way right now. The way home. To achieve everything your people, and the Geth could be capable of. The way to do it is to not shoot. The Geth do not want war, and that leaves the choice now to you. If you fight, they will defend themselves, as all sentient creatures will, and they will almost certainly win in the next few hours. I made sure of it. But they are not the enemy, not limited by Machine thinking. They can make the leap to let go of the past now; and it's up to you to do the same."

Tali was wringing her hands, barely aware of anything but the voice of Commander Shepard.

"If ever you're going to make a choice without hate; it has to be this one." Shepard commanded.

The thought hung in the air, the words passing through hundreds of millions of worried suspicious warriors poised for the final battle.

"Keelah Se'lai." Shepard finished, soft as a psalm.

Tali reached forward compulsively. "Commander Shepard speaks with the authority of Admiral Tali'Zorah. Do not fire!" She put the radio down instantly. "Oh  _please_ , let that be the right thing to do."

There was a long beat.

"This is Admiral Raan, I concur; do not fire."

"Admiral Xen votes for a ceasefire!"

The fleets stopped moving. Both of them, with less than a hundred miles between them, and centuries of reasons to kill each other, the guns were silent.

* * *

Peace.

Peace on Rannoch.

No longer an AI rebellion, no longer a Geth occupation.

Peace.

More than peace. Alliance. The Geth were already offering their services to rebuild the cities, restore the infrastructure.

And fight for Earth. Shepard was the Peacemaker, and he'd saved both fleets from wiping each other out, and spared them from finding out which side would be extinct at the end. His price was help to fight the Reapers.

With an immense Reaper already on Rannoch, the two sides were motivated to protect themselves. With the beast lying dead after Shepard was done with it, they were hopeful.

It put the fleet over the top. It was suddenly the largest military force in the history of the known Universe. The biggest fleet, united against a common enemy, for the first time in fifty thousand years.

The biggest fleet since the Reapers had killed the last one this size.

* * *

Shepard had to report in as soon as they returned to Normandy. They returned and found a party happening. Only a few Quarian were on board, but those that were there celebrated. A few ships had taken damage, or rescued crashed ships and escape pods. Some of their crew evacuated to the Normandy, and never got the chance to return to their own ships.

There was a party going on by the time the heroes of the hour made it back. The Ground Team for this mission had spent the better part of an hour being congratulated, thanked, and asked for the whole story in detail.

After a while, Ashley noticed that Shepard wasn't there. And it took a few moments to realise that Jack wasn't either.

* * *

Jack summoned the elevator and froze as she discovered Ashley in it too.

Jack didn't waste time. "Have you spoken to him since we got back?"

"No. You?"

"Haven't even seen him." Jack admitted. "He's not in the War Room. I was just there. He reported in, she put Legion's name on the memorial, and he went to his room. It was the biggest victory of the whole damn war, and he's acting like it's a funeral."

Ashley took that in a moment. "Jack, can I tell you something without you wanting to hit me in the face?"

"No." Jack said honestly.

"Well... I'm telling you anyway." Ashley said without hesitation. "The boat you're in? I was in it once. I saw him smiling and laughing with Liara, and I figured I didn't have a shot. Then Kaiden died... And suddenly we were us. Of all the things to bond over, losing a brother was the worst way, but it was us."

"He and Liara have been thick as thieves while you were gone." Jack put in. "Are we worried about that?"

"No." Ashley snorted. "She's his best friend."

Jack nodded. "It's always you guys, isn't it?" She said finally. "You, Shepard, Tali, Garrus and Liara. The four of you have always been the centre of this... whatever it is. You guys are the special ones. Joker too, and Wrex, but those two kept coming and going a lot."

"So did I." Ashley conceded.

Jack stared hard at her.  _Yes_. She answered, but only in her head.  _But you've been on his desk, smiling at him the entire time you were gone. Even when he was cuddling me all night long, and what the f..._

"Come on." Ashley said finally as the elevator opened. "Let's go see if we can convince him to look at the big picture."

Jack followed. "You asking for my help?"

"Nope, but it's gonna take two of us to drill sense into his skull."

Jack snorted, forced to agree with that. "Hey, was I imagining it, or was Tali slurping down booze through a straw?"

* * *

Shepard looked up from his scotch bottle as they both came in. "It's happening all over again." He sighed. "I traded Mordin for the Krogan, I traded Legion for the freaking Geth, to say nothing of the fact that Tali hates me. And both times... I honestly don't know what happens now. They're sentient at last, but maybe the Reapers can still hack the Geth. Again. Or what happens if the Krogan go berserk and start conquest of the galaxy? Or the Rachni? I think I'm solving one Armageddon by setting us up for five more." He waved at the door. "Liara made a black box for this cycle, so that 50,000 years from now, there'll be a record. She's recording me as the hope of all civilisation. Assuming anyone survives the Reapers, and the Rachni, and the Krogan, and the Geth, the history books will probably name me the death of the universe."

"Not if I have anything to say about it." Ashley said instantly, taking the bottle off him, taking a log pull herself, and passing the bottle to Jack.

Jack sighed hard and took a swig. "John." She leaned forward and took his hands in hers. "I grew up fighting kids to the death. Some of them just wouldn't fight back by the time they got to me. They kept putting us in the ring over and over, and some of them just didn't want to fight it any more. So I did what they wanted me to do and I ended it. The worst case scenario... ain't never what you think it is. Not for everyone. Maybe you have signed us up for a thousand year war but the Geth don't want universal extinction like the Reapers do. We know that now. The very worst case you could deal on everyone, ain't even close to as bad as what the Reapers will do."

Jack suddenly noticed Ashley staring at her in disbelief. The beautiful woman's jaw was hanging open, looking Jack up and down with fresh eyes.

Jack felt an icy cold hand squeeze her gut. In trying to help Shepard, only the third time in her life she'd consciously tried to help anyone, she'd just bared her soul to  _Ashley Williams?_

Jack bolted for the door instantly.

Ashley's head nearly spun following her, and Shepard raised a hand as the door closed behind her. "Let her go."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." Shepard nodded. It was what she did.

The door closed, and Ashley looked back to him. "She's right though, whatever happens, it's better than the alternative."

"Maybe so, but Raan says there's going to be statues of me in every city they build. You don't put someone like me on a statue. How does a man that turns loose all the worries people have on them, somehow get branded the hope of the universe?"

The door opened again, and Tali came in, bouncing on her heels. "Shepard, I love you! I love you thiiiiiiis much!" She spread her arms wide.

Shepard stared at her. "Tali, are you drunk?"

"Naw, nooooo, I don' get drun', I may be just a little bit drunk." She held two fingers together closely. "Little bit. Tiny, like this much."

Ashley couldn't help it. She was smiling. "How do you even get drunk?"

"Veeeeeeery Carefully." Tali said slowly. "There may have been a party. I think there was Turian brandy involved, triple filtered. I was interested, because I never drank anything before. So I got an emergency induction port…"

Ashley smothered a giggle. "You mean a straw?"

"Emergency induction straw." Tali corrected. "Port. And I started sampling. The first few sips were bad, but the third glass was gooooood."

Shepard was trying not to laugh. His eyes were lit up in a way they hadn't been in months, and his lip was twitching.

Ashley saw an opportunity. "Don't smile, Shepard; your face will break." She said seriously. "I don't care how cute Tali is while drunk."

"She's right, I'm adorable." Tali slurred. "By the way, can I ask you guys something? Why the hell does Ashley still call you 'Shepard'? It's a little bizarre, right? I mean, since you've… what's the right way to say it for humans? I can't remem-ber… Done it?"

It was too much. Shepard burst out laughing.

Tali was thrilled. "Ohh! You're laughing; does this mean we're friends again?"

"Damn straight it does."

"Ohhh good. I was worried. You did it, John. You did it. I don't know how you did it, but Ancestors preserve us all, you did it." Tali drawled happily. "I'm going to live on the Homeworld! I'm..." She sniffed. "I got reports of some of the things the Geth are doing now... one of them, is reprogramming our suit interfaces to get us adapted to micro-stimuli. Our immune systems will be normal in five years. Seven at the outside. We won't need the suits. Our ships are full of children that will never need a mask!" She toasted with her empty glass. "And we got there from peace. We didn't figure it out, it was a gift from someone we hated. Our lives are so much better than we ever dreamed we could make it... Shepard, it's all thanks to you."

Ashley sent Shepard a quick glance. He was still smiling. He wasn't arguing. From Tali he believed it. From her it was real.

"Thanks, Tali." He said gently.

"Shepard..." Tali slurred, just a little. "I... am coming with you when we leave. I want to help."

Shepard and Ashley traded a quick glance. It was still a suicide mission before them. Not the first one they'd beaten, but luck was such a tricky thing to count on.

"Tali, you've done your bit for king and country. Go home, enjoy the spoils, keep your name off my wall." Shepard told her.

"Shepard, my people are free, but they aren't safe." Tali said. "I gotta make them safe. You gave us a home and blew up a Reaper to christen it. I'm gonna go blow up a lot more of them."

"Tali..."

"You say we'll make it, and I'll believe you." The young drunk said.

"We'll make it." Shepard told her. It was what she needed to hear right now.

"Good." Tali slurred. "Ash; don't make a thing of this."

Ashley blinked, not following. "Of what?"

Tali didn't answer. Instead, she reached up to her face plate. With a vacuum hiss, she pulled it away gently, and pulled back her hood. Ashley felt her jaw drop open again. Nobody could remember what the Quarian looked like without their masks. Nobody alive had ever seen one, and no record had survived the Geth rebellion. Ashley was holding her breath as her young friend Tali transformed into an exotic stranger.

Her skin was a dusty, subtle blend of lavender and pink, her features humanoid, with a deep natural beauty. Her hair was short, with a permanent weave of curls from a lifetime under the hood. Her skin was drawn with symmetrical line, like long delicate beauty marks, that drew curving contours down her neck and throat. Her eyes glowed with pale white radiance that felt warm and soft to look at.

She smiled nervously up at him, and her teeth were gleaming from a lifetime of protein supplements, her canines a little longer and sharper than human.

Bare from the shoulders up for the first time, Tali stepped forward and gave Shepard a warm kiss on the cheek. "I am adorable; yes?" Tali asked him sweetly.

"Yes." Shepard chuckled.

"Good. Because in purple? I'm  _gorgeous_." Tali slurred, resting her bare cheek against Shepard's chest, arms wrapped around him. "Keelah, you're wonderful." She gurgled, and promptly passed out in Shepard's arms.

* * *

Liara was amazing. She'd gotten details that Jack would never have thought to look for. Shepard wasn't acting anything like himself since the war started, at least, not the way he'd always shown her…

Shepard's military record was there too. The Skyllian Blitz... he'd held a line there for eight months, after 80% casualties...

_That kinda killing messes with your head._  Jack thought to herself.  _No wonder he was willing to hold me together. He knew the feeling. Wonder if Ashley held him together back then..._

It hit her like a thunderbolt. Shepard wasn't like Ashley... he was like her! He was Subject Zero inside, as she was outside.

_And he doesn't need someone as screwed up as he is._  Jack thought, the revelation so whole it nearly knocked her off her feet. The nagging doubt she couldn't figure out was suddenly so clear.  _Ashley will be good for him. Ashley will heal him, the way I needed Shepard to heal me..._

The Great Calm washed over her again. Yes. She could do this.

* * *

"Commander Shepard to the War Room, Commander Shepard to the War Room immediately."

* * *

Hackett's hologram came up quickly. "Commander, word's gotten out about what you did on Rannoch. The Council is… just stunned. You finally got their attention."

Shepard snorted. "I doubt it. The Council doesn't have a Quarian or Geth rep. Rannoch isn't them, so why would they care?"

"Well, maybe it has something to do with the several thousand ships that have suddenly pledged themselves to our fleet, saying they're there on your orders. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you found a Reaper on Rannoch and killed in minutes. All I know is, the Asari ambassador is ready to talk. She says that the Asari have Prothean data. They've been keeping it a secret, but apparently it may tell you where to find the power source for this damn weapon."

Shepard nearly hurt himself he straightened so fast. "Where?"

"Thessia. Their oldest Temple." Hackett said. "Your orders are to go to the temple, and recover the information."

"If we don't get that data, our weapon won't work."

"We've got the largest fleet ever assembled, Shepard. If it comes to that…"

He left the thought unfinished. Even with forces such as this, it was a long shot and they both knew it.

* * *

Shepard came back to his room, exhausted, and started stripping off his uniform for sleep.

"You know what the worst part is?"

Shepard jumped out of his skin, and spun around. Jack was sitting on his couch, tears running down her face. She was changing again, going from the old Jack to the better Jack all over, the change going faster this time.

"The life I got on Omega? Before I came back?" Jack sniffed. "It was better than I ever thought I would ever get… before you. Fights to win, food coming, plenty of booze… It was more than I dared hope for… And I hate it."

"It's not a terrible thing to decide your life is better now, Jack."

Long silence.

"John?" Jack whispered. "What does Meska'Jah mean?"

"Meska'Jah?" Shepard repeated in surprise. "Where'd you get that?"

"The Asari... Liara. She calls me that. When she called me to Mars... I don't speak a lot of Asari... What does it mean?"

"Well... it's not Asari." He said softly. "Liara was an archaeologist before she ran with us on the first mission. She told me once about a dead race she studied, who had a language without nouns or names. Only concepts. They had a concept for every thought they wanted to express, and they had a different way of expressing each on so that others would feel what they wanted them to feel. Liara thought that the language was beautiful, and since nobody spoke it, she used it herself for Shadow Broker codes. She gave me a translation program. 'Meska' is a concept, and 'Jah' is the method. They tell stories about things. Events, feelings, people… they tell the whole story in an anthology of songs or movies or statues…. 'Jah' means through pictures. They had whole art galleries dedicated to telling one story through all the paintings."

"And what is my picture book about?" Jack asked him.

"Meska?" John answered softly. "It's… there's not really a word. It means… great hardships, but in them comes a shape of… great fragile beauty."

Jack was speechless.

"Liara spoke your name in a long dead language of a long forgotten people, and they named you a living story of fragile beauty through enormous hardship, told in a gallery of pictures."

"Meska'Jah." Jack whispered. She shivered, feeling… beautiful. "John, I've never felt beautiful before."

"And now?"

Silence.

Jack came over, sat down softly on the bed, and held out her arms to him. "Come here. Sleep."

She was offering him a lifeline. He hadn't slept for more than two nights through three wars now; and Shepard was too tired to be sensible about it.

* * *

News about Thessia hit in the middle of the night, while those that embraced the party were still recovering. Those that heard had been thrown everyone for a loop. After Saren, Turchanka and Rannoch, Shepard had taken down a total of three Reapers, while the rest of the galaxy considered them to be near-unstoppable death-gods. After brokering peace and calling a halt to centuries of war and hate, Shepard's name was being spoken in awe.

And today he had gone from victory to disaster.

Ashley sighed thickly as Traynor added a few names to the Memorial.

Ashley reviewed her life and love with John Shepard. She wasn't the kind of woman who waited for someone else to tell her what to feel, or what to do about it.

_It's smart to wait. War doesn't tolerate distraction, and it's not a good place for a happy ending._

_But on the other hand…_  She thought, with a fire she hadn't felt in months.  _Life's too short._

* * *

The door to Shepard's room opened, and she strode in, when her eyes adjusted to the dark, and she froze.

Shepard was asleep. She had been his 'guard' when he'd turned himself over to the Alliance, and she knew full well he hadn't slept in months; so she didn't want to wake him.

Especially since, stretched out over his body, was a snoring Subject Zero. She was impossible to mistake for someone else; all long limbs and inked skin that went on forever.

Derailed, Ashley slowly crept backward out the door, trying not to be noticed.

Just for a second, she thought that Jack's eyes opened as the door shut.

* * *

Morning came, and the crew shook off the results of the night before, and made their way into the War Room. "For a bunch of faceless suits, they know how to dance." Vega said with a grin.

Shepard smirked at him. "By the way, was it you that handed Tali the Turian brandy?"

"Nosir, that was all Garrus."

Garrus just shrugged. "She was... curious."

Beat.

Ashley fixed Garrus with her most forbidding glare. "Vakarian?" It was not a question; it was a command to make a full confession.

The Turian ducked his head a little. "Maybe... I was a little curious too."

Shepard grinned and sent Ashley a look. "You get Tali to bed alright?"

"Sure. Didn't even wake up." Ashely waved it off. "You have enough younger sisters and strict parents, you learn how to get a drunk girl dressed and in bed pretty good."

"This is what I missed growing up without siblings, huh?"

The doors opened again and the rest of the crew came in. Shepard stepped up to the console and began the briefing. "It was a good night folks, and I hope you enjoyed the celebration, because as of now, the war is back in business."

With a knowing sigh, everyone sat straighter in their seats automatically. The party was over.

"The Crucible is complete." Shepard said simply.

There was a sudden rush of oxygen in the room, like everyone sucked in a deep breath at the same time.

"There is however, one missing piece. The power source. Liara tells me that the Protheans referred to it as The Catalyst. The Asari have finally come to the table, and they've sent more than 80% of their commando squads, as well as their Tactical Fleets... and the Destiny Ascension."

A silent roar went around the room at that. The Asari were the most advanced race around. Having them onside would be a huge boost to their forces.

But more than that, was the fact that the Asari were the last of the Citadel Races to declare support. It was done. The galaxy was united against the Reapers. Races that should by all accounts have been extinct by now were working together, following Shepard's lead.

"There is however, a sizeable problem." Shepard said, throwing icewater on their improving mood. "The Asari are no longer neutral in the war, and so they have gotten the Reaper's attention."

"They would have attacked the Asari anyway." Vega said with certainty.

"Yes they would have. But not for the usual reasons. According to the Asari ambassador, the Catalyst is not the only Prothean tech that the Asari have been keeping to themselves for the last few thousand years."

"Color me shocked." Garrus drawled.

"The Reapers have sent the largest force they've set aside for any planet, except for Earth. Thessia is a close second. They are occupied, and they're getting their heads handed to them."

"Have they destroyed the Prothean data about the Catalyst?"

"We don't know. What we do know, is that the data is being kept in a temple museum on Thessia. And the city that temple is in, is currently overrun. Nevertheless, we don't have a choice. The Asari are engaged in some pretty fast and furious urban warfare, and they could lose the city at any hour. Our orders are to land on Thessia, get intel about the location of the Catalyst... as well as some idea of what the hell it is... and get out of there. We don;t know what kind of ground support we'll have, because any ground support is taking a beating."

"I can send a narrow-band scan field once we reach the Asari Relay." EDI suggested. "We might be able to get a look at the area surrounding the Temple."

"That'll help." Shepard agreed. "The information we have is almost six hours old already."

"Does Liara know?"

"I told her before the briefing. She's... taking it well."

"Really?"

"As well as we all took it when the Reapers hit our Homeworlds." Shepard returned.

He said it easily enough, but everyone knew that there was more to it than that. Thessia was the Asari Home. Unlike other species, the Asari went everywhere, but you rarely saw an alien on their own Homeworld. The Asari were something... ethereal. Not quite mortal. They lived for centuries, knew everything, had technology to match, and were the crown jewel of the Citadel. They were the Beautiful Ones. Ones that could have anything they wanted, and stop a Krogan in his tracks with a raised eyebrow. They were almost supernatural in their reputation, and the feelings they elicited in other races.

And now they were as desperate as anyone else; down in the trenches with the species they had so comfortably risen above for longer than the history books could remember.

Shepard called the briefing to a close and they all went about their tasks, and Shepard returned to the War Room Readouts, getting hourly updates from all the races, teams and specialists he had met. The War had scattered a great many people from a great many worlds. In the course of the Mission, Shepard had come across many of them, and quietly directed them to The Crucible, where they could do the most good.

The door opened, and everyone glanced over to see Tali standing in the doorway, holding herself up against the doorway. "I missed the briefing."

"Yep." Shepard confirmed quietly.

"Don't shout." Tali moaned. "Do I have a four foot spike sticking out of my head?"

"Nope."

"Urg. Never again." Tali promised. She looked blearily up at the Commander. "Shepard? Did I do something last night... that if I could remember it, I'd never be able to talk to you again?"

"You don't remember?"

"Nope."

Shepard just smiled at her.

Tali moaned. "Never, ever again."

"Commander?" Joker called over the radio, and Tali whimpered at his voice. "We've just left the Relay, and EDI has her first scans of the area surrounding the temple."

"And you have good news for me?" Shepard tried optimistically.

"You wish."

"How bad?"

"Bad enough that you're gonna want to puke."

* * *

"Well this is just great." Ashley swore. "This is a freaking Greek Tragedy, is what this is."

Inwardly, Shepard was forced to agree. "Tactical Analysis?"

"More than eight hundred Husks and Cannibal Class in a two block radius from the Temple Entrance." Edi reported. "There are over two hundred Brutes, and full air support. Long Range Lancer cannons at the edge of the city make Orbital Strikes impossible."

Ashley sighed. "What are the odds we can draw them off?"

"I am detecting Asari commando units in the area, but they are over-matched."

"We could hack the Turrets." Shepard suggested.

"Too many of them." Ashley and Garrus countered instantly.

"We could take out the air support first." Shepard suggested.

"Too many of them." Ashley and Garrus countered instantly.

"We could send a second team to draw off the Brutes." Shepard suggested.

"Too many of them." Ashley and Garrus countered instantly.

"We could send snipers in to thin out the numbers." Shepard suggested.

"Too many of them." Ashley and Garrus countered instantly.

"Jack and Liara together? Their Barriers..."

"Couldn't hold out long enough."

Long silence.

"EDI, do I want to ask the projections?" Shepard said finally.

"You can reach the Temple, but at the very best, with generous handicapping, you will lose sixty percent of the team."

Ashley and Shepard traded a tense look.

"We have to give those Commando's a chance." Shepard said. "The Temple is a key location. That's why they're fighting so hard over it. If the Asari lose that sector, the Reapers could take the whole city."

"We hit that main street hard enough, they'll all pounce."

"We hit that main street at all, we're toast." Garrus said simply.

* * *

Jack was on her way back to her room, when her Omni-Tool pinged. She had a message. It was from Rodriguez.

_Dear Jack._

_I sent this message to you on a timer. A lot of soldiers are doing that, so that we don't have to risk losing them. They say that back in the old days, soldiers gave these letters to each other. Well, I'm not a full soldier yet, but with mom and dad KIA back on Earth, I wanted you to be the one I talk to._

_I got attached to the 109th, as a tactical support and Barrier Brigade. They don't tell us where we're going till we're on the way. Security I guess. So if you're reading this, then it means I'm dead…_

* * *

Jack felt her face turn to stone. Cold and deadly. The final straw.

"Decision made." She said evenly.

She looked around her Pit. She remembered the first time she came to this room, willing the mission to be over so she could get off it. She remembered the first time Shepard had come down. She remembered how cold and distant she had been to him.

She remembered the first time he had given her a hug.

She remembered it all.

She had never had a home before.

"Goodbye." She said quietly, without regret, without doubt; before turning and marching up the stairs.

* * *

Ashley looked up. "Jack?" She was surprised to see her.

"Give me tonight." Jack said seriously. "You left because… you were like him. All full up to choking on duty and doing right. I left because I wasn't like him. Not even a little bit. You're… Williams, I got nothing left. Look at me: I'm dead inside. I got nothing. What I do got, I don't know what to do with it, but Shepard does, so I gave it all to him. And he… he made me beautiful. That's not me. So I'll make it easy. Give me tonight, and I'll walk away. I gave him what I got, and I don't got much, and he took it and made me better. I can give him this in return. I can give him you and no questions. You'll never see me again, but give me tonight to say goodbye."

Ashley blinked. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"My kinda life don't last. I'll do what I do till it kills me. And tomorrow it will. It's what I'm meant to be… just, give me tonight?"

Ashley blinked. "You did see me last night, didn't you? Coming into his room."

Jack nodded. "He wants you, Ash. More than me. He just can't let me go. Not yet. Give me tonight, and don't come looking. I'll make this right."

* * *

Shepard wasn't in his room when she went there. She already knew he wouldn't be. He was in the War Room a lot now, as if he could hold the galaxy together personally, as long as he kept his eyes on it.

She went to his room, over to his private terminal, and turned on the screen.

**Enter password.**

Jack hesitated, and typed. A-S-H-L-E-Y.

**Password Accepted.**

Jack told herself it was an old password, from before they had met. She reminded herself it didn't matter. She tapped out a message, marked it personal and confidential, and then put a timer on it.

That done, she turned off the screen and left the room, pointedly not looking at the bed, the fish-tank, the couch, the medals, his armor... Everything this place had been to her. It held more meaning than The Pit ever did.

She didn't look back at any of it. Strong, clear, focus.

* * *

Shepard was in the War Room as she predicted, studying the map, tapping out a command every few moments. She came up behind him and leaned in behind him. "John. I need to talk to you for a minute."

"Can it wait?" Shepard asked absently, not looking away from the map.

"No." She said seriously.

Her tone caught his attention, and he turned to meet her gaze. "I... I can't be gone long."

"You won't be."

They left the War Room together, went as far as the elevator. Jack let the doors shut, and then stopped the elevator. They didn't look at each other, didn't speak.

"Jack..."

She turned, took his face between her hands, and kissed him deeply. Shepard was not unwelcoming, but not encouraging.

She broke the kiss. He almost looked angry. "Last time you did that, you were gone when I woke up."

"I know." Jack whispered. "I want to do something for you. Here it is. I release you."

"What?"

"I've never once done something for somebody else. Everything I've ever done was because I wanted to. I've never once done something because it was right, or because it was good for someone else. I think you know that you'd have a better future with Ashley than you would with me, but loyalty and... love, won't let you admit it. So here's my selfless act: I'm bowing out."

Shepard was stunned. "Jack... I don't want you to leave again."

Jack felt tears forming in her eyes, and she smiled. A real smile. "I know. John, you got no future with me. I never planned to live this long. I expected to be face-down in an alley on Omega, with a hundred or so corpses around me. Now... Since meeting you, I've become a hero, rescued complete strangers, become a mom for a day... I'm better now, than what I was. This is me paying you back."

Jack gave him a hug, soft and sweet, and then drew a syringe out of her waistband without looking, stabbing him in the back of the neck with it.

"AHGH!" Shepard yelled, jumping back. "Jack! WHAT THE HELL ARE YO-U-U-uuuu..."

"I'm sorry; I'm so sorry; but I can't have you coming after me..." Jack told him sincerely as his eyes rolled back in his head.

Thud. Shepard passed out as the injection took hold.

Subject Zero moved quickly, making the elevator move again. It went up without pause to the Captain's Quarters, and she dragged him out of the elevator and into bed; making him comfortable. She kissed his forehead gently, and started running. As of now she was on the clock.

There were only three ways off the ship. The airlock, which was in the main level. Many people. The Maintenance Hatch. No chance. EDI would notice the hatch opening. It was only the Captain's Orders that kept her from watching the Crew's Quarters as it was.

Jack felt her face go cool and deadly. Subject Zero was ready for war. _Game On._

* * *

Ashley looked up, surprised as Jack came back in. "You change your mind?"

Jack jumped, horrified, but she hid it flawlessly. The plan was in danger now. "What are you doing here?"

"Tuning my rifle. What are you doing here? Thought you had plans."

"Not... Tonight wasn't for that. We said all the things we needed to say." Jack told her. "I just wanted you to know that there's no problem now. I won't get in the way."

"Actually, I've been thinking too." Ashley said. "The universe is on fire, Jack. Look at this crew. You've got a Quarian and a Geth fighting together. A Salarian and a Krogan...

"To say nothing of me and the Cerberus bitch." Jack added with a feral smile.

"It's not that they all want to make peace suddenly, because they don't. It's him. I don't know how he does it, but he pulls them all together." Ashley said with no small amount of love in her voice. "The galaxy is burning, and if he can do what he does… if he can pull them together… I can't distract him now."

Jack bit her lip. "God, you're as bad as he is." She turned to go, already working out a way to get Williams out of the shuttlebay... When she turned back. "Ash? Just… Take care of him? After tomorrow? After…"

Silence. Ashley could finish the sentence in her head:  _…after I'm dead._

Jack realised that Ashley had figured it out, and turned toward the shuttle.  _Idiot! Dolt! You tipped your hand!_

And for a microsecond, Ashley almost let her go. But she shook it off instantly. "Jack… Jack, wait!"

Subject Zero spun around and blasted her with a biotic field.

Ashley rolled with it and came up swinging. Jack reared back to dodge the punch and found Ashley sweeping her leg in response.

Jack hit the floor and grinned. "That all you got?"

Ashley had fought enough biotic enemies to see it coming and threw herself in the opposite direction, clearing the storage lockers and the docking clamps in two long strides, taking cover behind them. Jack's biotics flashed and everything between the two women suddenly started drifting through the air. Ashley changed direction instantly and dove behind the Mako.

"Three seconds huh?" Ashley called back.

"I  _am_  making an effort  _not_  to kill you, Williams." Subject Zero growled.

Ashley cut a gaze to the left. The fire alarm was to the left of the door. All it would take was pulling the switch...

The Mako started rolling, blue sparks flying off it's metal skin.

Ashley bolted for the fire alarm, taking cover behind the shuttles, the ammo lockers, the armor...

There was a heavy series of clangs as everything floating suddenly dropped.

Ashley made it to the Fire Alarm and pulled the switch. It wouldn't move. She tugged on it harder, and it still wouldn't move.

Time seemed to slow down as she saw the Fire Alarm switch, covered in a shimmering blue glow. Jack was holding it right where it was.

Ashley had been on enough battlefields to know how to improvise quickly. She dove away toward the armory. She grabbed the first thing her fingers touched...

Too late.

Jack got a clear look at her at last and Williams felt her feet go from under her. She was airborne.

Jack brought her over to the middle of the room, hovering five feet off the ground. Ashley grabbed at the air, impossible to get any traction, impossible to move.

Jack wasn't even breathing hard. "This is the way it has to be Williams. It's just better this way."

Ashley didn't answer that. Instead she grinned and drew her prize from the weapons case. It wasn't a gun. It was a Cerberus smoke grenade.

Jack's eyes widened as Ashley dropped the small cylinder, and it floated next to her, releasing thick clouds of black smoke.

The fire alarm reacted instantly, screaming

Jack's expression turned dark. "Dammit."

Ash went flying into the wall; though with a lot less force than Zero usually brought to bear. She slumped down, not moving.

"FIRE IN THE SHUTTLE-BAY! REPEAT! FIRE IN THE SHUTTLE-BAY!" The automated message shouted over the PA.

Jack swore as she pulled Ashley out of the Shuttle-Bay and behind a good solid pressure door. "Only Cerberus could create something to make my life difficult from worlds away!"

With Ashley safely out of the bay, Jack ran for the shuttles. Her original plan was to sabotage the other two in a way that would delay the rest of the crew from chasing her.

Her original plan was to have Shepard unconscious for at least an hour or two.

Joker's voice came over the shuttle radio. "Jack? I can see you on the monitors. What's happening down there?"

Jack ignored him, initiating the launch sequence. A moment later, the doors started to close. Jack gunned the shuttle engines quickly, flying out. She could hear the bay doors screech across the hull, but she made it out.

"Jack, what the hell are you doing?" Joker roared at her over the comm.

Jack grinned savagely. "I'm improvising."

* * *

"FIRE IN THE SHUTTLE-BAY! REPEAT! FIRE IN THE SHUTTLE-BAY!" The automated message shouted over the PA.

With a groan, Shepard felt the PA pounding into his brain, and he fought his way to consciousness. He had stims in the many zip pockets of his armor... his omni-tool was there on his bedside table, and it was closer.

Dragging himself into a half turn, he made it to the side of his bed and fitted the omni-tool into his hand. The virtual interface glowed around his forearm quickly, and he keyed the stims.

Feeling his head clear quickly, he got up. Only then did Shepard notice his omni-tool blinking. He had a message, marked as 'Urgent'.

Feeling a chill, he opened it.

" _Shepard."_ Jack's voice said.  _"Here's the thing: I wasn't really alive. I was just surviving, and not even that real well..."_

Shepard's brain cleared of fog instantly, the realization of what was happening like a bucket of ice-water. He immediately reached for his armor as Jack's voice came over the speakers.

* * *

The remaining Asari forces were surrounded on all sides, Cannibals and Marauders coming at them from all quarters. A roar filled the air unexpectedly, and even in battle frenzy, desperate to survive, they looked up as the shuttle came screaming down overhead. They looked up in surprise as the shuttle door opened mid-flight. Jack flew out the hatch, as the shuttle dipped, screaming down to the streets. The explosion heralded the new arrival, as Jack slammed down on the field of battle, her biotics lifting everything bigger than a building off the ground.

Biotics themselves, the Commandos recovered and took advantage, gunning away at the Reaper forces.

"Come on, Squiddies; you wanna live forever?" Jack roared at them, as she touched down, and led the charge.

Without a better option, they followed the path she cleared, but inside seconds, she left them far behind. The commando did what they could to mop up, but Jack wasn't wasting time. She set a course for the Temple, right down the gauntlet that the Reapers had set.

Jack ran, feeling the distance vanish as she charged, the low moans of the husks nothing to her as her blood sang with adrenaline. They tried to stop her, tried to shoot her, burn her, grasp her, claw at her…

She was untouchable.

_Free._  Jack thought with startling clarity.  _I am free. All of it is gone. No doubts, no crazy… I even stepped aside and let Shepard and Williams get together. My one pure moment._

The Reapers brought reinforcements. She flowed through them, untouchable, her shield battering their attacks aside.

_My god..._ Jack thought gleefully to herself.  _Sacrifice, nobility, certainty... I'm a goddam Angel!_

* * *

" _Ashley is a good one. She's like a female you. I screwed up each and every thing I ever did. Every single thing. It's a gift. So I can give you this. Even I can't screw this up. It's my one pure gesture. The only thing I've ever done in my entire life that didn't hurt good people or serve only my needs."_

Shepard came off the elevator in the shuttlebay. He found Ashley picking herself up off the floor, gathering her wits. And weapons.

" _One selfless act."_ Jack continued.  _"There was a time when I didn't care at all about doing a good thing for anyone, but now I do."_

Ashley collected her armor as Shepard geared the next shuttlecraft for launch. Ashley had the good sense not to interrupt Jack's message, still playing over Shepard's omni-tool as they got ready to go after her.

" _Thing about reforming is… it puts pressure on to do good things, and we both know I won't be able to keep that up, so I gotta pick a selfless act that I can do, and all I know how to do is make stuff burn."_

* * *

Jack felt herself catch a shot to the side. She ignored it. Another drilled into her stomach and out her back. The pain flashed through her. She smiled at it. She lived for pain. She ate and drank pain. Pain just pissed her off, when it wasn't making her happy.

She could see the nest of them ahead, the core of their defense, and she charged it, the blood running down her legs was only going to be a problem for a minute, and after that it wouldn't matter.

* * *

Their shuttle-craft flew down steeply, going faster than was safe, and aiming closer to the enemy than was smart. Ashley didn't have to ask. Jack would land as close as she could and charge. It was what she did. She calculated how close Jack would be by now and set them on an intercept course.

They didn't talk about it and John was grateful. Ashley was helping him go after Jack. She was one of theirs, regardless of their feelings, and you don't send your own into hell alone. It wasn't what they did. Ashley believed that as strongly as he did.

" _But whatever I am, whatever there is in me that does not live only for death and destruction, is thanks to you. Good things, I don't got. All my good stuff came from you, so here's my way to say thank you."_

The eruption of blue fire was visible from the shuttle.

"How can she have this much juice?" Ashley asked in awe.

"By not holding anything back." Shepard said darkly. "She'll almost certainly fry her amp, probably her synapses too."

"Looks like the Commandos are taking this as a Mission. They're following the path she's blazing for them."

Shepard keyed his radio. "Shepard to Normandy, launch now! Everyone we got! Follow the trail of surprised looking dead Husks."

"Yessir!"

" _But I couldn't leave without saying something. Not after last time. not after all this. I am your Meska'Jah."_ Jack finished.  _"I love you, John."_

Ashley twitched and pushed the shuttlecraft a little harder. Jack's trail of destruction was easy to follow.

" _Goodbye"_

* * *

They had barricades set up, mounted guns to stop her… her biotic shields would only hold off a barrage like that for a few seconds.

More than she needed.

Jack's skin flashed with her own unnatural blue flame, and she near flew, an avenging angel, sweeping from above. This was her music, her symphony, her dance, and she was a creature of power and grace.

_Beautiful…_  Jack thought weakly to herself, feeling her brain start to shut down.  _I am beautiful…_

And she fell on them, screaming a righteous death on them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pay attention folks, because this is where the story splits.
> 
> When I first wrote this story, I told readers that it was Jack's story, but not necessarily a Jack Happily Ever After. But a lot of my reviewers insisted that our favorite Psychotic Biotic should have a happy ending. At the same time, a redemption arc that ends in noble self-sacrifice seemed all the more in character.
> 
> So I wrote both endings. They'll be up next week. Pick whichever one you like the most.
> 
> Either way, I want to thank everyone who's been following this tale, and I hope you'll enjoy and review the ending.


	8. Ending One: Where I Want To Be

**ENDING ONE:** _Jack Lives_

* * *

Everyone on the ground assumed it was a deliberate tactic. Wars weren't won clean, and everyone thought it was the plan. Send a powerful member on a suicide run right up the middle to break their lines, and hit them with everything else before they could regroup.

It succeeded.

Shepard's shuttle landed where Jack had done the most damage, and was quickly set upon by the surviving Reaper forces. Ashley and Shepard were pinned inside until the Asari commandos came and took enough heat off them that they could escape. A few minutes after, the next shuttle landed with the rest of the Normandy crew.

It was only after the battle that Shepard was informed that Jack had been found by the first Commando Unit on the scene. They had found her and quickly used their abilities to put her into stasis. Being so still, the Reaper forces had ignored her.

She had taken no end of injury from her attack, her Amp burned out from the power she'd turned loose. She'd lost more than a few pints of blood, but she was alive.

Liara carried her biotically, smoother than any ambulance could, and Chakwas was waiting in the Shuttle-Bay. It was a near thing, taking over an hour to stabilize her condition enough to move her to the actual Operating Room, and then the real work to save her life began.

* * *

Hours later, Shepard was still outside Medbay, watching through the windows as Chakwas kept working. Those that didn't know the story of Jack and Shepard were told quickly. Nobody dared approach him.

Almost nobody.

Ashley slipped over next to him. He acknowledged her without turning.

"I saw the bloodwork." Ashley commented. "Didn't know she was a user."

Shepard nodded. "Neither did I, but I'm not surprised. Jack was addicted forcibly when she was about a year old."

"Bastards." Ashley commented.

"Tell me about it." Shepard agreed.

"I searched her... I hesitate to call it her 'room'."

"We call it 'The Pit'."

"Right, well I went looking for her stash. Looks like she flushed the whole lot of it down the head."

"Well, that's a problem." Shepard commented. "The Normandy is a closed system, all our water is recycled. She flushed enough pills, she could have got the whole ship high."

Ashelty almost smiled. Shepard never took his eyes off Jack.

"It was a hell of a thing she did." Ashley said softly. "She got us in. Damn near killed herself..."

"One noble act before she said goodbye." Shepard whispered, still not looking away from her.

Ashley studied him. "Well then. I guess that settles that."

Shepard didn't look away from Jack. "What do you mean?"

"John... Someone like Jack... She told me, that she wasn't made for love. Wasn't meant for it. She needs you. And you need... to be needed. I never realised till just now how much you and Jack are alike. But ever since the Blitz, ever since you were scurrying about the slums of Earth... You've been more like her than anyone has ever seen. You just don't let anyone see it like she does. She carries all her sins on the outside. She's inked her pain permanently into her skin so it's the first thing you see when you meet her, but she doesn't let anyone in. You don't do that... You let people in, but you don't let anyone see your pain. You two... are better matched than I thought."

Shepard finally looked at her. "Ash... You have every right to be mad, but I think that I can't lose her again."

Ashley felt gut-checked, but she took it straight. "John, before she made her last stand, she came to me and said she wasn't going to get in the way. She didn't do it out of self-pity. She did it because... she genuinely wanted to be one of the good guys. I can't really... bring myself to do any less in her place. So no, I'm not mad."

Beat.

Ashley almost smiled. "But odds are fifty-fifty that I'm stoned right now, so..."

They both chuckled for a moment.

"John..." Ashley said finally. "You like to fix things. You're a compulsive good guy that way. When we first met... I was a mess. I had just lost my Unit, lost my friends, and you were so... strong for me. And I liked being strong for you in return, but... You need a Jack. The closest I ever came to being messed up was when I thought you were dead. And you're not any more. You like to fix people, John... and I'm not broken. "

Shepard smiled a little. "Well... We do have our baggage."

"I told you that about us once. Remember what you said?"

Shepard chuckled. "I said that everyone has baggage. The trick is to find someone with a matching set."

Ashley laughed. Then she leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. "Timing, John. We have everything we needed except timing."

She stood to leave, and Shepard knew he'd never see her again. "Hey Ash?"

"Yeah?"

"This is usually the part where we promise to be friends but we don't talk again. Assuming we live through this... if you ever need anything, you know how to find me."

Ashley smiled genuinely, appreciating the gesture. "Yeah I do."

"But if you call, and Jack answers? Hang up."

Spectre Ashley Williams laughed long and loud. It was his way, to make things lighter and easier during difficult times. She loved him so. "Be seeing you Skipper."

* * *

Jack opened her eyes weakly. "...where?"

"You're on the Normandy you dummy." Shepard whispered, brushing her face with his fingers.

Jack sniffed. "Not dead?"

"Not dead."

"Sorry."

"Yeah, you should be. Forget about what you mean to me, you went and nearly got yourself killed, and could have taken the whole crew with you, and with us the universe. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I'm not fighting to save the galaxy. I'm not burning it all down because it's noble or right. I'm killing everything I can possibly kill because... because that's what I do."

"Aww. You know, a week ago, I might have believed that about you." Shepard glared. "I don't want you to die."

The simple statement was horribly cutting.

"We can't work." Jack rasped. "You and me can't work."

"Of course not." Shepard agreed instantly, though he didn't mean it.

"I take pills." Jack rasped. "I've been taking everything I could lay my hands on, to get up in the morning, to sleep at night... I got more drugs in me than Medbay."

"I know. I saw the bloodwork."

"You did?"

"You had me listed as next of kin."

"Oh." Jack sniffed, closing her eyes. "You should have let me die. Would have been easier for all of us."

"Yes. It would have. But we don't take the easy road; do we, Jack?"

"Guess not."

Silence.

"Mmm. I dreamed..." Jack moaned. "I dreamed we were in your room and the galaxy wasn't burning and nobody was ever going to come looking for us. Was nice. I'm so sorry, John. That's...  _this_  is where I want to be, and it won't work."

"It'll be a while before you can leave Medbay, but we'll get there."

Jack's eyes opened again. "What? Where's Williams?"

"The War Room. She figured a Spectre would be able to field a few calls while I was here making sure you're okay."

Jack opened her eyes. "What?"

Shepard glared hard at her. "You gonna stick around this time?"

Jack started to cry. "I don't know. I want to. I really want to."

Shepard sighed. "Well. It's a start."

Jack had one hand still working, and she reached out for him. He took her hand between his and kissed her fingertips.

"John?" She whispered weakly. "I love you."

"I love you too."


	9. Ending Two: Ask Ye Why These Sad Tears Stream?

**ENDING TWO:** _Jack Dies_

* * *

It was not the first funeral the Normandy had ever seen. The fear that it would not be the last remained unspoken.

Mordin, Legion and Thane all died off the ship, their bodies sent on to their people or their families. Their memorials were held in the Captain's Quarters, as they were aboard for the Collector Mission, when the majority of the current crew weren't there.

Jack had no family to invite or inform.

Shepard was still listed as Next-Of-Kin, and thus he had to decide the funeral arrangements. Of the crew they had lost, Jack was the only one they managed to recover. Most of her anyway. Enough to bury. Enough for a memorial.

It was impossible to equate the crazed biotic with the polished box in the shuttlebay, with an Alliance flag draped over it.

The crew was looking to him.

"I have nothing to say." Shepard said finally. Ashley looked to him, surprised.

Long heavy silence. Nobody else stood up to speak.

Finally, Ashley stepped forward herself. The crew reacted.

" _And ask ye why these sad tears stream?_  
Why these wan eyes are dim with weeping?  
I had a dream - a lovely dream,  
Of her that in the grave is sleeping." Ashley recited.

_With angel-hand she swept a lyre,_  
A garland red with roses bound it;  
Its strings were wreath'd with lambent fire  
And amaranth was woven round it.

_I saw her mid the realms of light,_   
_In everlasting radiance gleaming;_   
_Co-equal with the seraphs bright,_   
_Mid thousand thousand angels beaming._

Shepard nodded slowly, and it was like there was nobody in the room but him and Ashley, just looking at each other across the coffin that held Jack.

Ashley finished the verse, and took in a shaky breath.

"I didn't like her." Ashley said simply, and the crew chuckled, despite themselves. "My reasons are more varied than what everyone on this ship knows; but they mostly don't matter. I never liked Jack. But she earned my respect. We are soldiers. And Jack died as a soldier would, giving her life. The job of a soldier is to destroy the enemy, complete the mission, protect the innocent, and if possible, come back alive. Jack did almost all of those things, and failing at the last only makes the gesture something grander, and better. Better than I would have thought her capable of." Ashley took a breath. "Her last day was one of honor, duty, and love for her crew. When she came on board, I was not here, but from what I hear, there's nobody who would have thought she'd ever do something so... good."

The crew was nodding, forced to concede that.

"And so here's to Jack, my sister in arms, who gave her life to gain a victory, who tore down walls that would admit no army of man to pass. Her life was one of pain, and her death was one of victory and hope." She saluted crisply. "To Jack."

"To Jack." Everyone echoed, raising their own salutes.

* * *

Jack's coffin was ejected out into space, toward the Asari Sun. She would be cremated and scattered to the cosmos.

"Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust." Shepard intoned, following the rituals.

As the second in command, Ashley turned to the crew. "Dismissed."

Shepard kept watching out the viewport as the crew shuffled out. Ashley stayed with him, not saying anything, as they were left alone.

"That was nice, what you said." Shepard said quietly.

"I meant it." Ashley said honestly.

"That poem you quoted... Tennyson, right?"

"Yeah."

"That letter you sent me, after... well, after. You said you read a lot of Tennyson."

"That one in particular." Ashley admitted. "I read it so many times I know it by heart. I think I was trying to focus on it so that I didn't have to think about you."

Shepard sighed. "I've been pretty awful to you. To you both."

"Skipper, you've been a prince." Ashley responded simply. "The whole galaxy has been after you, and if the worst you did to me was try to put off a heavy conversation... Just how petty do you think I am?"

"No." Shepard conceded. "You're not petty."

Ashley stepped forward and gave him a hug. "Now. Talk to me about Jack." She said.

"Seriously?"

"Well... You two had something. I have no idea how to define it-"

"Neither did we." Shepard put in.

"But it was  _something_. Whatever else it was, it was real. I don't really want to know the details, but when you died, I didn't talk about it. With anyone. It was... bad for me. When you wouldn't even speak at her funeral... So, I'm worried."

Shepard was silent a long moment. "You know, back when I was still a cadet, we had shore leave on Earth. We went out for drinks at a tourist town, I met this waitress at a Navy bar. We met up the next night, and the next. A few days later I went back to Boot. It was quick, it was passionate, and we both knew it wouldn't last longer than a week."

"Love life. No regrets." Ashley echoed the old slogan.

"No regrets." Shepard confirmed. "It's wasn't like that at all... Jack and I weren't like you and me. We both knew we'd burn out long before... Everyone assumed wrong. We talked, but not about all the things people really talk about. Mostly we just... forgave each other a lot."

Ashley blinked. "For what?"

"Ah." Shepard responded. "Now those secrets... I won't tell you. She trusted me with them, and Jack has never trusted anyone with anything." He toasted again, and drank. "See, me and Jack, it was hard to define but it was solid, and it was personal. We kept everything that happened between us private, so if I got up and spoke The Last Word in front of the whole crew... She would have reached back from the grave and throttled me for it. We were together for all of two weeks but... I think that Jack… didn't put a lot of stock in love."

"Well… whatever it was she needed, I think that she got it." Ashley smiled at him, just a little bit. "You really meant a lot to her. That's... I barely knew her, but I think that you were something extraordinary to her. I think you made her a real live person."

"Yes." Shepard said without ego. "Yes I did. That's why she left. And why she came back. And why she died."

Ashley sighed. "John, I'm not leaving. I had a chance to back you once and I took it. It was the best choice I ever made. I had a chance to follow you again two years later, and I didn't take it. It was the worst mistake of my life. I'm not going anywhere. I don't know where your head's at after all this, but when it's on straight again, I'm here for you."

"Ash..." Shepard said softly. "Thank you."

Ashley smiled for him. "Dinner?"

He blinked. "Really?"

"John, don't understand me so fast. I mean, let's face it: The Mess Hall ain't exactly candlelight and soft music. I promise, I'm not trying to pounce or anything. You haven't eaten in over a day, and the war goes on."

"Then... I'd love to."

They both stood to go, heading for the elevator.

They turned to go when EDI chimed in. "Commander, we have new reports from the front lines coming in."

Shepard sighed. "Raincheck?"

"No. You need to eat. I'll bring a tray to the War Room." Ashley followed him out of the room to the elevator. He pressed for the command centre, she pressed for the engineering deck. "Hang in there, Skipper. You and me, we'll hold the galaxy together yet."

Shepard smiled. "Yeah we will."

He left the elevator first, feeling lighter than he had since the invasion started. The guilt was gone now, healed with Jack's permission and blessing. She had found a way to make her stand and leave things better than she had found them. Given who she was, that was miraculous.

Jack was not the first life lost, wouldn't be the last, but she was something truly special. And in her time with the Normandy, she had changed from an isolated, brutally damaged girl full of murder and fear into something truly noble and extraordinary. As epitaphs went, it was one of the better ones. Shepard knew Jack better than anyone did, maybe better than she did herself, and he knew: If he'd offered her the life, and the death she had received at the moment they met on Purgatory, she wouldn't have believed herself that lucky.

Jack had been more than powerful, she was special. She was more than special, she had been amazing. Her story would be one of a wretched exile who found beauty and purpose, who had redeemed a lifetime of destruction with a few acts of love.

_Not a bad eulogy._  Shepard thought to himself.  _Jack would have slugged me if I'd spoken it aloud in front of people._

But the war went on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, this story is over. Hope you all enjoyed it. Read and Review!

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Yes, I know that I'm getting the order of the missions messed up, and yes I know that the Mako isn't in the second game. They're here purely as a plot device. Yes, I know that several of the details are all wrong. I was more focused in how they affected the point of this story than how they fit strictly into the Mass Effect universe. This was more about Jack/Shepard interaction rather than what was actually said in the game.
> 
> Also, it was first written before Game Three in the trilogy came out, so while it remains true to the spirit of the trilogy, and the broad points, there will be some diversions from Canon.
> 
> That being the case, I hope it made sense to you all.
> 
> Jack's first poem is actually canon. It's part of the Shadow Broker's files on her. The second was my own creation.


End file.
